Dating : My partner (F21) has been dating her EX (21M) right under my (20M) nose

Dating : My partner (F21) has been dating her EX (21M) right under my (20M) nose

I (20M) began dating my gf, in December of 2020. We met as neighbors at University in October and immediately became more than just neighbors or friends. She came to visit, met my family, went on a family vacation, created a lot of great memories. Let it be noted that she was my first girlfriend and I was head over heels for her but had some relationship anxiety about « doing things right. »

Fast forward to late March her ex-bf, M, from about a year prior had reached out that he had found some of her stuff and wanted to return it. No issues for me. Turns out they reconnect and agree to meet up for drinks to catch up. Still no issues with me. I hear nothing about him for 2 weeks until I am headed out of town for a few days and she tells me that she is going to invite him to her and her roommate’s party while I am out of town. I am a little on the edge here but I have no reason to no trust her so I tell her I am okay with it. As we are neighbors, I tell her that if he tries anything, such as trying to sleep in her bed, she can walk across the street and sleep at my house.

You can guess it. He tried to sleep in her bed, but she didn’t do anything about it. She slept with him. Tells me that nothing sexual happened but I still never looked at her bed the same, knowing that another guy had slept in it.

I find this out the next day when I return to town. I don’t know how to react so I leave town again to go to a friend’s GF birthday party. Me and B text interminably throughout the night. I come back into town only to be sitting outside and see B and M pull up outside. This made me so uncomfortable as she told me she was so sorry for sleeping with him, yet proceeds to continue hanging out with him.

I forgive her for hanging out but a few nights later she leaves her laptop open and I look through her texts with him. I know, very invasive and I regret it, but what I did find was texts with him from the night of the party. From what I could figure out he left the party and she texted him « Come back. I want you here. » The other one that stuck out to me was a text with a picture of a song saying « This song still reminds me of you. »

Now I am really uncomfortable. They hang out a few more times. Going on a hike, meeting up to grab food. Any time B and I got into a fight, she would go hang out with M. Eventually, he leaves town for the summer and it feels like a weight is lifted off my shoulders.

Then one night in early June we are laying in bed and snap chatting her friends and I notice that they have the ‘red heart’ on Snapchat. Meaning that they are each other’s best friends for at least 2 weeks. This is immediately a red flag to me. Texting here and there and meeting up for lunch with an Ex is fine but this hurt knowing that she was in touch with him that much.

I try to be supportive of her friends and that includes M. Last week, M returned to town and asked B to go to dinner. B invited 2 friends, but not me. I spend all night freaking out. I trust her but I didn’t know why it was so hard for me. Eventually, she comes home and I have a full-blown panic attack. To the point that I can’t breathe. In the midst of this, I tell her it’s me or him. She says she doesn’t do ultimatums.

TL;DR – My gf (21F), has been hanging out with and talking to her ex-bf an excessive amount.