Dating : Need advice on what to talk about on dates

Dating : Need advice on what to talk about on dates

Hi everyone, I’m a 24 year old male who moved to the US about 10 months ago from India for my grad studies.

A bit of background about myself:

I was in a long term (8 and a half years), long distance relationship until about a year and a half back. Since the break up, I’ve been using dating apps and I haven’t been on dates with anyone apart from the people I match with on there. Now from my experience with dating apps in India, it was extremely common and more like the norm for me to text someone for a few days (even weeks) before I actually met them. After coming to the US, I noticed that people are a lot more forward and would more often than not want to go out within a few exchanges (if I do get replies and don’t get ghosted, that is lol).

Because of this, I have a much lower comfort level on first dates in the US and I am often clueless about what to talk about, since I’m largely an introvert. And not so surprisingly, the only two girls I’ve been on more than one date with in the US, I had texted them quite a bit before we met.

I would really appreciate advice on what to talk about on spontaneous dates. Most of the first dates are about us getting to know what each other do and like and not like and they have not really been exciting. To be honest, I felt like texting for longer periods of time would’ve saved me a lot of those first dates.

PS. The post got longer than expected but I hope it gives you good context.

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What do you think?

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  1. Hi 🙂

    I (24F) am a bit new at the dating life myself, having been single for two years. However, based on time here and with advice from friends, I hope I can help!

    For spontaneous topics, you can ask:

    * About what she is most passionate about (careers, hobbies)
    * Favorite books, movies, and/ music. But more so, which form of entertainment touched her life the most, or what characters from (insert title of movie, book, album/song here) represent and why. Like, for example: I would say The Great Gatsby as my most loved classic because of the beauty of the 1920’s. As for movies, Endgame (or any Marvel movie tbh) since it is is, incredible, but also represents the growth of amazing characters. Television shows: Supernatural because it teaches you to not be afraid despite the fear deep inside you, and that love (between friends and family) is the most powerful weapon against all horrible things. Not every girl would say that, but that’s just an example. I’m a huge geek 🙂
    * About family, her friends. Ask about her role models and inspirations in her life beyond personal relations – celebrities, authors, teachers. What these people did for her dreams and goals.
    * Play a game of 20 questions! Make each round of 20 unique than the other, like, one could be about school while another could be about pastimes, favorite things, most loved travel locations, etc.
    * Later on, when the comfort level is present, you could ask about deep topics: Mental health, fears, regrets, flaws, failures (with a bit of hope for the future). Opening up in this way, imo, is important in any relationship – but not right away! More so, a week maybe into knowing this person – unless otherwise and things is comfortable right away.

    Hope I helped 🙂

  2. Honestly you shouldn’t worry about it too much! It should come natural!
    However, I know it’s easier said than done haha

    I think it’ll be nice to talk about your experience since you’ve come to the US and maybe talk about the differences.. Idk, personally I would want to hear about that!
    Also don’t forget to ask questions about your date, people always love to talk about themselves haha, well most of the time
    Make sure to ask questions about things you’re actually interested in though

    You could always try to find a few things you have in common with them and focus on that and see where it branches off

  3. If you’re worried about what to talk about on dates, go on a date that’ll start a conversation!

    Farmers markets, nature walks, going to a touristy area, a restaurant or bar with a quirky background, etc.

    Don’t stress too much! Sometimes silence is good!

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