Dating : Newly « dumped » and seeking perspective

Dating : Newly « dumped » and seeking perspective

**TL;DR**: Got broken up with over text after a great 2.5 months. Almost no red flags or signs of it coming, except for a very slowly progressing physical relationship. Want to know what the hell I did wrong.

Hi r/dating,

Please excuse the throwaway; though I don’t know this guy’s Reddit name, I know he is on here.

Yesterday I (27F) received a breakup text from a guy (30M) I’ve been seeing for 2.5 months. This is not the first time this has ever happened to me or anything, and I’ve been faded/ghosted as well, but usually when either of those things happen I can recognize the signs. This time, however, it completely threw me. I did not expect it at all. I’m coming to you all today seeking some perspective, advice, insight, or whatever you would like to give. This one really hurt and I’m struggling to understand why and how it happened. Perhaps I’ve missed something huge and you guys can enlighten me.

Some backstory: we met on an app (a more relationship-oriented one), first date lasted ~3.5 hours. We had a great deal in common (to the point where we joked about being the same person) and there was never a dull moment in conversation. He is sweet, a bit shy, and nerdy like me. It was a great date. A series of good dates followed this in the coming months. Probably 2/3 were initiated/planned by me with some input from him and 1/3 by him (he is rather passive and said he appreciated me taking initiative; I made sure to get his input each time). Third date I went to his apartment, cooked dinner, and he kissed me for the first time. He mentioned in the beginning that he is slow to warm up and show affection, but over time he did (very slowly) become more open and comfortable touching me. (More on this later)

We texted each day a healthy but not stifling amount, always initiated by him. Saw each other 1-2x per week. More recently, we met some of each other’s friends (something I only reserve for people I am quite serious about) and that went over well. We planned a small trip together. He always seemed enthusiastic to talk to me and do things with me. We never tabulated exclusivity but knew we were only seeing each other (supposedly). He even let slip the word « girlfriend » once or twice and hinted toward wanting to define the relationship.

Yesterday, after texting back and forth like usual, I receive a text that (paraphrased) says: « I’m sorry but I don’t think this is working. Though we’re alike in many ways, I just don’t feel a romantic spark with you and can’t figure out why. Hope you understand ».

I’m not the type to ruminate forever on things like this, but I honestly did not see this coming at all. I can’t help but rack my brain (against the behest of my friends) over what happened. So I turn to you.

In a sea of green flags, I will say there were two unusual/concerning things about him that I feel are worth mentioning here.

1. We never progressed physically beyond making out. Normally I prefer to go a bit slower physically in relationships, but that conversation was never had with this guy. I tried to initiate more physicality a few times, but nothing ever really came out of it; in the beginning he seemed anxious about it, so I backed off. I believe now I should have brought this up a LOT sooner, but I was afraid of making him uncomfortable. I did, a week ago, let him know that I was ready to progress our physical relationship. He seemed receptive, but again, nothing happened.
2. He definitely has trouble openly talking about his feelings and what’s going on in his head at times. He told me as much, so it’s possible he was hiding some negative thoughts/feelings about me. ):

Really appreciate ya’ll’s insight. Happy to give more info as needed.