Dating : The grass is always greener in OLD!!!
I’m just venting but what I’ve discovered is most people online are always under the illusion that they can find better. They never wanna commit to an actual person (seeing one person on a regular basis) and just wanna go with the flow to see their options. Well fuck that! I’m not a fucking disposable thing to consider only if options A&B called out! Either you wanna be with me or you don’t. Either you’re interested or you’re not. It’s not that complicated.
It becomes more complicated because a *lot* of people are doing this. In some ways, it’s just pragmatic: it’s not a great idea to « put all your eggs in one basket » when you *know* that person is probably talking to other people. That aside, there’s just the fact that even if you *are* interested, it can be hard to gauge chemistry and stuff until you’ve met in person. *Most* first dates from OLD don’t really go anywhere, even if neither person is really talking to other people. It’s not like you just « pick someone out of a catalog and they’re your SO now. »
The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz
An excellent book that describes a number of the ways that having more choices, or even the perception of having more choices, actually makes us unhappy and unable to make decisions in our lives.
It certainly applies to OLD.
Many folk here share your frustrations.
Best of luck
So true. We’re all guilty of it at some point. After I had it done to me multiple times, though, I’ve stopped all OLD and decided to stay single until the time comes.
Im pretty sure this happened to the last girl I was seeing. We had three dates had a great time, clicked, slept together and things seemed great then….total drop off in communication, lukewarm texts etc. I get people keep their options open but when I click with someone irl I wouldn’t just drop them if someone else came along but what can you do.
Exactly!! That’s why OLD doesn’t work for me. I seriously put all of my energy and efforts into one person at a time. I don’t have the time, patience, or memory skills to juggle more than one person at a time. I refuse to treat people like they are disposable…..And I think most people (men and women) are constantly looking over their shoulders for the next « great connection. » It’s too exhausting for me.
For sure, it can become an obsession if you are not careful. Me? I’m good. As soon as me and my girl became exclusive I was so happy to get rid of all those apps. I even did a little dance. It’s just exhausting!
Welcome to the new norm of dating. Not much you can do about either. I learned it’s adapt or die type thing. I’m still hopeful I will meet someone but I’m taking a break from online dating for a long while now. I’m like you in that I see only person at a time. Everyone today is very afraid of the big “commitment” word. I want to preserve who I am as female friends have told me never to change as I’m rare or they think so.
Gradually I’m changing though. I do not take dating very seriously now and if something happens it happens. I’m out of steam to keep going on it. I’m seeing someone right now as well. But the issue is we are at an impasse. We will likely just be friends as we are taking things slow but she is not open to advances, not even a kiss so far. Been 4 dates.
Vast prosperity. Lots of choices…it will never stop.
A lot of people think butterflies are love and once they’re gone they must not love you anymore. Not everyone gets butterflies and they’re not meant to last forever. Love is a deeper thing then that, it’s also a choice, love is action. 🙂
honestly struggling with this rn. we’ve both expressed that we have feelings for each other but they stay scrolling and actively updating their app and it’s just disheartening to think of how many other people they could be doing that same thing with, but i’m keeping my head up and hoping for the best.
They are all depressed
Lol, I would LOVE to have this problem. Try being an average dude and only having one option every 3 months.
I definitely agree, I’m sure it happens with women and I’m at the age thinking it would be nice to meet someone to have a relationship with since it seems everyone my age is getting married or into relationships. Plus, they always have a line of guys to choose from waiting for their chance.
And my time’s pretty valuable too. Work makes up most of it and I don’t have time to use the rest of what I get for games. I get tired of the lame excuses I hear after we agreed on a date because you can’t make it then later act like it’s a game.
You’re right it’s not complicated at all – supply and demand. With the advent of OLD especially Tinder, the supply side is a lot more plentiful and accessible. Want someone to commit? Offer something they’ll be hard pressed to find elsewhere for the same ‘price’ and increase your value. You can be damn sure if you found a better value ‘product’ for the same price or cheaper that you’d be switching. I know I know, humans are not products etc etc. Understand the rules of the game you’re playing and you’ll be more successful.
love the username!
condolences on the lack of compatible matches, though
Exactly, and that’s why OLD has been a waste of time for me.
This is most people. What’s changed are a few things: 1) access to potential options 2) breadth of options (more people living in cities) 3) longer « adolescence » for lack of a better term aka people not being financial stable for longer, etc… 4) More freedom for women as well as less pressure to settle down.
Something people need to figure out and fast is the fact that OLD attracts a very specific type of person alongside the type of person actually looking for a relationship. Stay single for long enough and use enough apps and you see the same people on them over and over and over again. That chick that ghosted you out of no where? Yep. Still single 3 months later. Generally speaking people who are worth dating don’t stay on the apps long because they get found fast.
The type of person that stays on there for an extended period of time is usually the problem and they’re also usually the ones most likely to agree to go on dates. Sadly though there’s no real way to tell the difference. What I’ve found though is asking someone how long they’ve been single for is key. Yes this might cost me an opportunity here and there because the person was being honest about their situation and had a good excuse but frankly the missed opportunities following this policy are worth it in comparison to how many useless dates it saves me. Generally speaking if someone has been single for 2 years there’s a reason for it. Not to mention if you think that person who’s been single for 2 years is going to start dating you and it’s going to be long term… It’s very unlikely for them to just settle on that first one after being single that long.
Honestly, I see recommending this upsetting a lot of people who have been single for a while with a valid reason but no joke the amount of headaches I’ve saved myself by not going out with women who have been single for both too long or not long enough is massive. Single not long enough is tough to judge though because it’s really dependent on how long the relationship was, how serious it was, when did it ACTUALLY end aka when did they realize it was done even though it might not have actually ended, and if they’ve really been going out on dates. I don’t want to be the first person someone goes out with after a failed relationship, there’s just no way it goes anywhere.
What’s old acronym for?
there is a ridiculous but real concept called « the tyranny of choice »… the more options you have the less satisfied you are with any decision. and all old is about quick decisions… every one of them banks on this human failing.
I’m sure glad when I was younger, we didn’t have internet, so ya had to meet people in person. People had a tendency to not be so picky. They were more considerate of others then also.
Although, when internet came around, I did meet a few of my boyfriends, and then my husband online. But I met them on IRC, there were no dating apps, or cell phones, or automobiles, or refrigerators…
I’m just joking, there were refrigerators. Ha! I hope it made ya laugh a little!
Yeah, it’s a huge downside to online dating. It’s made people far too disposable. The ability to swipe left or right, the ability to “unmatch” someone or end the conversation in one click without a second thought…yes online dating has made dating easier and more accessible for us, but it’s actually made it so easy that it’s hard.
I got rid of all my apps. I was guilty of this for sure. It’s funny… I’m actually happier than I’ve ever been after making a few lifestyle changes this year, making me feel more elidgable than ever. I feel like there is no reason for me to maintain dating profiles anymore. I seem to attract the right people in person… and I’m finally confident enough to talk to them!
Half of dating is accepting that many people have their heads stuck up their ass and are very narcissistic. Some people pull it out, but for others it stays like that for a lifetime. Oh well!
I don’t like this mentality either. I only focus on one person. It feels morally wrong for me to do otherwise. If other people do it whatever, but be upfront about it. It’s not fair to find out you’re option 2. It’s disrespectful imo.
This is going to sound awful but I do this to some degree. I don’t really have time for dating and OLD is a simple easy way to try to meet people for dates. People are generally very flaky nowadays and will ghost or not put effort in, so I keep my options open and try to talk to multiple people at once.
When I was younger, I had the time and energy and perhaps hope to really focus my attention on one person who seemed interesting/nice. I’ve become jaded after several negative experiences and it’s made me a little numb to OLD now. It’s primarily a numbers game.
Take more of an « i’m looking to hang out approach » when meeting people online. Its better to regulate the emotions and get to know them instead of running into a relationship with insecurities. It’ll be less rocky in the future by not over investing right away.
Think of it this way, if someone told you « you’re either interested in me or you’re not ». What would you think of that person and having something said in that way to you, would you be comfortable answering when you barely know them?
Just a guess, but let’s see if I get this right:
You just got out of a relationship where your were not exclusive, wanted to be, and then discovered you were a back up plan.
That hurts, but it’s good that you know your value and self worth and stick to that. Never submit yourself to a lower valuation just to be with someone.
True story. It gets tiring dealing with women who don’t commit. We have a conversation and they act like they want to get out for a drink or another fun activity then once I get their number I suggest a time and place and they don’t respond or go cold later. So I take it they were just there for the meaningless validation then? What a way to waste time.