Dating : Off the limits…?
Hope you could help me to understand…
Match with a girl on tinder, Marie (not her name) 25 and me 32. She started the conversion, really easy going, loads of messages, many things in commun (seemed like). On the second day, date planed for 2 days later. Sadly I had to cancel but said I’d be free the week after. We planed a new one, we agreed on a pic nic in a park.
Third day we both were bored and chatted lot, still flowlessly. She mentioned she would prepare the dessert. Bold move from me, I said I would eat her off if the dessert is not enough. She interpreted it in a sexual way. It was the case. She didn’t appreciate, and said she wasn’t comfy with that before meeting people. My bad, I wanted to be cheekyflurty. I totally understood and apologized.
Later on she mentioned all the countries she travelled to the past few years. Was quite lot. To tease her, I said are you rich. Again she didn’t appreciate, saying people manage their money differently. Fair enough, apologized again. It was just a joke.
End of the day she went to get a massage. I said, still a bit cheeky but not in a sexual way at all and just jockingly that she could give me one. I do a lot of sport and could spend days at the physio. She didn’t appreciate so I apologized as I could see her point.
At this point the conversation was still going great and she even said she was impatient to meet me.
The morning after… I received a: more I think about you, more I don’t see it working especially because of what you said.
In my mind: thanks for not ghosting me and me agreeing as I think she was over reacting to what I said.
I don’t want to be a rude person, or inappropriate. I do think a bit of tease on tinder can be acceptable. It was the only thing with a sexual meaning I used amongst loads of messages and I’ve been correct all the time (I hope).
My question: was I inappropriate?
Thanks for your opinion.
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She said she wasn’t comfortable with something and laid down a boundary and you walked over it multiple times. The content itself doesn’t mater it the crossing of boundaries, it’s a red flag and she ducked.
You’re older and I think that alone can change how a sexually suggestive joke can feel. If your were 24, maybe it would feel more appropriate.
But yeah, I think talking about eating something off of someone’s body before you’ve even met, could come off as a bit aggressive. Maybe should have kept it more flirty to something like kisses.
I do think you weren’t reading the signs though. She obviously wasn’t digging the overt sexual talk. So yeah, you should have either walked away cause you were wanting something else, or toned it down.
I don’t think what you did was wrong, just wasn’t with the right person who fits your personality.
Your first tease was very sexual and she told you she wasn’t comfortable with that but you continued. And the massage thing is completely sexual. That’s like Guy 101 for us girls. Guys bring up massage all the time when they want sex, but we’re uncertain and the guy plays the « it’s not sexual it’s just a massage » card. « I play sports, physio…blah blah blah » I’m sure you do, but in a dating context?? Sure buddy…Lol it’s still about skin on skin and getting clothes off… Hoping to get to sex. Which is cool, but this girl had asked you to stop, you didn’t, so that was an instant red flag. If you can’t respect boundaries in the beginning we assume it will only get worse when no longer on 1st date best behavior.
She sounds fucking lame dude…
Online women get so many messages that they will be very open to any reason to reject any man.
She might have rejected you regardless of anything that you had said.
Don’t apologize. She’s the one getting unreasonably upset at some cheeky jokes. You def don’t want her as a girlfriend, she’ll suppress the fuck out of your spirit.