Dating : Offended a girl by asking not to have oral prior to a discussion on protection and getting tested

Dating : Offended a girl by asking not to have oral prior to a discussion on protection and getting tested

I have always struggled with the internal conflict of asking a girl to use protection and/or get tested prior to unprotected oral sex. It seems like a totally non-thing for so many people yet it carries a risks which I have always thought about as someone prone to anxiety about health. I stuck to my boundaries tonight and it ended up offending a girl who was really into to me and I’m not sure how to go about correcting it.

I go to a lot of meetup.com meet-ups and ended up meeting a girl who I was super attracted to during a big city festival event today. I talked to her a lot. She wasn’t native but most of the conversation went fine and she stuck around nearby me for most of the event. I ended up asking her at the end if she wanted to go get drinks and she agreed.

We went to a nearby bar, got some drinks, listened to some music we both liked and ended up walking out together. I learned that she is only in the city for another 3 weeks, but I decided I wanted to pursue this further regardless. Now, put yourself in the shoes of someone who’s never had a true one-night stand but has had a lot of relationship experience. I told her as we were walking that I wanted the night to continue but I didn’t have a free house to myself that day (I didn’t say, but I live with my parents currently and I am saving up to get my own place). She stopped holding hands with me at that point and explained that soon after arriving in the country she met a guy, and had also been seeing a guy in-between the first and meeting me.

I wasn’t sure what to make of that, but she asked if I wanted to go to a nearby park and sit down with her which I did. We listened to some music again, but she ended up nuzzling into my shoulder and holding my hand. It was unexpected but really emotionally intimate. That progressed to kissing, and then she asked if I wanted to lay down in the grass which led to much more making out and grinding. It was dark and late at night and she obviously wanted more. I asked if she had a free place to go back to but she had a single room, apparently isn’t allowed anyone over and the landlord had a room right next door. I offered to get a taxi back to mine. She asked how long it would take to which I said 20 minutes, but we would have to be quiet after getting home. She never agreed, I assumed that it was too risky in her eyes to do so.

Eventually I ended up fingering her and she gave me a hand job. I told her I wasn’t really comfortable doing this in public and would rather go somewhere private, but there was no real answer from either of us what to do. Eventually she undid my jeans and tried giving me head. I stopped her a couple of times and eventually explained that I would rather have a discussion about protection before having oral. She looked at me confused and said « I don’t have any diseases ». I explained saying it was my boundary to have a discussion about protection and getting tested before doing this, and that it was nothing personal to her. This killed the mood for her obviously, as she wasn’t being touchy anymore and just lay there beside me but had been hands-on and eager to make out for the past hour or two.

She told me she was tired and was going to go home. We hugged and kissed and she wandered off back to hers. I would like to spend more time with her before she travels back but I feel like I hurt a lot and I’m not sure what to do from here.

tl;dr Girl who is only in town for the next three weeks showed super-high interest and tried to give me a blowjob in public (admittedly in the dark but in a public space). I told her I preferred to do these things in private. I stopped her from going down on me and explained that I wanted to talk about protection and being tested before oral happened, even after she tried to tell me she was free of any diseases, to which she was very offended and it seemed to kill her interest. I’m not sure how to reconcile the situation.