Dating : Often feel like I hold places and keep seats warm for better options.
I’ve messed up past relationships due to my mind not being in the right place and now I can’t seem to find the right people nor do the right people seem to be finding me – most people I do feel I can relate to somewhat don’t really pursue me and while it seems like the majority of people express attraction towards me, they’re either not somebody I feel has a good agenda or somebody I can gel with or feel attracted to or they often end up wanting to move forward and find better options – there’s always a position above me rather than me being the final destination, although I suppose things happen and people change. A lot of encounters have been short term though with the odd ones that last for a year or longer. It’s like most people just think « Eh, she’ll do for now » instead of « Wow, I really like this girl. » It’s like I give people opportunities just for their interest to change or for me to get replaced.
Some people may think I’m lucky in the sense that I can get laid, I can get dates until that person finds a better girl than me but that’s not just what I want anymore. I don’t want to chase after other people so much, having to keep poking them to engage them or reminding them that I’m here when I thought they said they were interested, I want someone to actually put in effort and court me because they genuinely like me. It would be so awesome to just feel fully at peace and like I’m not being judged in another person’s presence, like I can let my hair down and relate to them on an both emotional and spiritual level, to explore, travel and have good company who you can bond with over activities you enjoy…
I know you marked this « venting » but the outcome of what your describing sounds pretty straightforward. Obviously you didn’t include ALL of the information available (that would take an encyclopedia) but I find that when relationships of any kind suffers from a lack of investment, it’s often because neither party really opens up to the other. That act is really a demonstration of engagement and vulnerability, without which we can’t develop trust, friendship and real intimacy. I hate to say it, but if this is the way that all of your relationship are, then the problem isn’t them. You are the only variable that is present in each one of your relationships. If I had to guess, you are probably afraid to reveal some part of your true self to your partners for fear of rejection.
​
Rejection is extremely painful, especially when we’ve rolled the dice and exposed the most vulnerable parts of ourselves. Chances are you’ve been hurt and as a result you close yourself off to deep connection and real intimacy. In order for a relationship to become a lasting commitment from the other person, you have to show a commitment in the form of being vulnerable and developing trust. You can eventually share your deepest darkest secrets with the other person, which will further solidify the trust, love and commitment that each of you has for the other. Without the first step of being willing to be vulnerable (to small things at first) you can’t create the deeper bonds that you are looking for.