Dating : Online dating dehumanizes people
I just can’t fucking do it anymore. I’ve had a year of rejection, ghosting, one-word answers, and in some cases insults thrown at me. I deleted all my profiles months ago but go so lonely, so I redownloaded some and I realized that I’m basically a 2/10 through online dating. I’m 27 and I still live at home, don’t have my own car, still in school for my undergrad, below average height, and have a shit job. I gave myself two points for my looks. To rub salt in the wound somehow my friends have had many many dates with many different people, and had more than one relationship during COVID.
I want to try dating in person again, but fuck I’m so fucking crushed right now.
Edit: The responses are why I don’t vent to people. I’m not over here twiddling my thumbs waiting for a girl to accept me. I’m out here trying to be healthy and fit, trying to fix my own trauma, trying to make more money so I can feasibly afford a car and my own place. And another reason why it really grinds my gears because a lot of women my age where I’m from can’t afford those things either but want their man to, or if they do have those things they won’t even consider a man who « Doesn’t have his shit together ».
I have been fucking trying. I’ve been trying to everything right and it’s not fucking working, that’s why I’m fucking upset.
Just being online dehumanizes people
What is with this comment section? It’s full of people either offering advice OP didn’t ask for or bashing OP.
Guys, he’s venting. He feels bad for not having someone. It sucks to not have someone when you want to. Don’t offer advice when nobody is asking for it. Don’t kick a man when he’s down. Understand people can feel upset about being single and there’s nothing wrong with it.
Online dating puts everything based on looks, I’m overweight, I have 0 chance with online dating. So I get it my dude.
Yep I agree
Gosh these people are harsh. Keep on doing what you’re doing. You are doing the right thing. It just takes time to get to a place it feels like it pays off. But it will come eventually. Patience and perseverance is the annoying part of life sometimes but also makes you into someone worthy of everything you want and you’ll achieve it in the right timing
I know you said you’re trying, and I don’t doubt that you are. But maybe you should take a break from the dating sites and work on your mental health, because I really don’t think you’re in the right mental space to date.
If you did get into a relationship, I’d worry that any slight issue in the relationship would send you into a panic and that isn’t something that anyone wants to deal with. Trust me, I know from experience.
Get yourself into a better mental space first, then try dating again when you’re happier with yourself.
Hey dude hey honey you probably won’t see this because of so many comments ( 69 lol I hate to break the streak)
I felt the same way man although for different reasons but trauma and abuse and not being able to make enough money was a huge chunk of it. Height doesn’t matter for women but weight does and I had gained medication induced weight to be able to survive my trauma and it fucked up my self esteem severely I am not fat I am curvy or chubby or whatever but I am still bigger than the average petite barbie sized woman so I understand body shame more than most people not saying being short is as bad as being overweight but I get it height is a huge issue for men.
My advice to you my dude? And you will hate my guts and you may still not be able to do it for a few years and thats ok but when you do it you may strike gold so be careful lol
My advice : just fucking give up man. Just give up. On trying to find someone to complete you when your life still needs a lot of work. Throw your arms up to the sky and say fuck it universe I give up if I die alone I die alone and focus so hard on yourself and building the life you want for yourself as if you were sure there’s no one out there for you and you are so okay with that.
Why do I suggest that ? Because this decision led me to getting happily engaged and buying a 4 million dollar house with the love of my life
It was suggested to me by many mentors for many years . To delete the apps and stop looking and focus on school career and hobbies and making friends
Because when you stop looking it comes when you stop needing it it comes that sounds like a cruel joke but thats how the universe works
You can’t do it to get a partner you gotta give up for you. Because you are more important then any woman you will ever marry you need to build a great life for yourself first.
If you expect dating to magically make you happy and not lonely, dating will disappoint you.
This is the experience for most people on their 20’s bruh. If you’re not handsome af it’s gonna be hard, you gotta keep trying
online dating is no different than dating elsewhere.
Is OP male? Okay yeah thought so
Hey man. Maybe you should take a break from dating. I know you really want a relationship and to connect with someone, but it doesn’t seem like you’re in the right mental space to date.
This is your typical cookie cutter answer but you need to focus on getting your life together. Sure you can live with your parents but most women will not like that cause no privacy. You also need a car. You can’t rely on just taking the bus or Uber every time. And if your job is shit, right now with the whole Covid thing it’s easier to find another job, maybe not in the field you want but you won’t find a better job unless you try. As far as looks, work on your hygiene and hit up the gym. You’re 27, you’re still young and it’s not too late to change your mindset and your life.
Bro i suggest you genuinely focus on yourself before looking for a woman. They’ll come eventually, just make sure you’re actually a desirable person. Like why would someone with their shit together go for someone that doesnt have their shit together nor confidence in themself. So yeah self improve and women are boujd to come, the ugliest of people still find partners
sounds like you have low self esteem / are unhappy with your life, describing all the things you don’t have in life. Maybe if you focus on improving your own life step by step with patience and goal-setting, you will stop looking for women to fill this void of unhappiness. Your post also involves a lot of comparison with other people which makes me think you only want to be with someone because of societal pressure and a perception that you are inadequate if you’re single (which is untrue).
If u don’t love yourself how can you love others
Online dating dehumanizes ~~people~~ men.
FTFY. But seriously, as a man who’s been OLD for years, I’ve spent years working on myself to no avail. I have a fairly decent job that earns me above-average for my demographic, own a car, and currently saving up for a house. Activity-wise, I used to be a classical pianist (University level) so I love going for concerts, musicals and theatre productions. I also love socialising with mates, going out for the occasional mini-golf or bowling games, completing puzzles and videogames. I have enough interests to engage with a variety of women.
On the downside, physically I’m short (5’11”), brown and still have a bit of a dad bod even though I workout 4-5 times a week. My pictures are current – within the last year – and as good as they’re going to get unless I get a professional photographer after which the photos would like something out of LinkedIn, not Tinder or Bumble. And in OLD, if you’re not 6ft tall and white, you fail at the first hurdle. Most women only want to date those types of guys, and don’t let women on here “gaslight” (I swear that’s the feminists’ favourite word) you into thinking you’re imagining things.
Frankly, OLD has been shit since corona started. Don’t forget, most women on OLD these days only make profiles to promote their Instagram, snap and OF, and thirst-trap men for validation, money and free food. It also doesn’t help that the number of profiles on OLD basically skyrocketed once people were forced to stay home, widening the disparity between number of men’s and women’s profiles.
I can only hope once COVID is eliminated and masks are no longer required that I can start hitting up city bars and clubs after work because there’s where all the cool women hang out.
The only guys I know who can date anymore look like movie stars or pro athletes. Usually insanely tall or beautiful faces. Usually white.
From what I see, this is what it takes to get dates or sex now as a man.
I wonder if prostitution will be legalized. At least we could try sex that way.
There are females who don’t care about « status », living arrangements or the like. You are doing everything in your power to better yourself. The women that tell you that you aren’t worthy just prove that they aren’t right for you. That is a HUGE problem with today’s society, everyone thinks they need AND deserve to have model specimens for partners. And that is not a jab at anyone, because I’m not attractive by societies standards. And I’m okay with that. What matters is who a person is, and how they treat you. Don’t give up on finding your forever partner because there have been too many ugly personalities surfacing. Give it time and keep doing you, the right one will find their way into your life.
It’s not dehumanizing. It’s simply a competition, with it’s own rules, different than face-to-face.
I wouldn’t rate you looks yourself, we have no idea ourselves exactly how we look to others. Try Photofeeler and see which photos get teh best scores. The worst oen will be a 2, but change the angle/clothes/lighting and it can become a four
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Online dating is trash. I’m Indian, average bodied and 5 7. AND even though I’m good looking, I basically only get matches within my own culture (Indian). And a few exceptions (white). In 2 months, I’ve gone on 3 dates with no girl above a 6.5, and it sucks. Sucks so bad. I see my friend who’s 5 11 and Indian and he gets quite a few more white girls. So I’m starting to think it’s height and race that matter most on online dating.
Point blank answer is if YOU don’t see value in yourself, a woman will likely not see it either. Get in better shape, fix your mental health, work on yourself to a point where YOU will be the one who has the pick.
Also, cliche answer but confidence is key. If you don’t have that you won’t get far.
Man, I honestly don’t have any advice except to live one day at a time, write down what you want your ideal life to be (power of manifestation) and to LOVE yourself first. Hugs and positive vibes your way. Things will get better
Hey maybe it ain’t my place to give u any advice at all(especially since I’m single rate myself a 5 and don’t have a job myself yet), perhaps you shouldn’t bother with the dating yet. Perhaps try allowing yourself time to work towards your goal of being successful. Some ppl believe success is what makes a relationship but don’t pick those ppl. Maybe this is just me but, I don’t think you need other people. I think all you need is to put yourself first, forget about relationships till there just an after thought. And just Bc ur a 2/10 in ur mind I don’t think that the people you may even want to date are worth ur time. U rly want a date? Find someone who doesn’t care how high out of 10 you are
Why do people think its matter if you have a car or your own place?? Like… i would never want to date someone who cares about these things SO BADLY.
I agree completely. I would never, EVER date online. I am go grateful this wasn’t as much of a thing when I was dating and if I am ever single again, if I can’t meet someone in person in the course of my real life I will stay single.
My dude, I feel you. I’m 32 and struggling just like you. For me online dating is a lot like social media- people are only showing you the best version of themselves. Of course this doesn’t help to look at while you’re getting your shit together. IMO My only saving grace is that I’m female so men are less judgmental about that but when I see woman on there (I’m bi) I can get super depressed.
Honestly it sounds like you’re doing everything right and I’m proud of you for sticking to it. When I feel the way you do I just remind myself that there are billions of people out there surely there are a few folks who would find me to be “a catch”. Also keep in mind this past year has been a nightmare as far as loneliness goes (and being stuck at your folks’ with no car doesn’t help with that- I know). Give yourself a break for a while and pick it back up when you feel a bit better about yourself. If you ever want to chat, drop me a line. You are not alone, trust me.
The reality is that online dating works but weight heavily on social bullet points.
I find myself doing this as its impossible to really know the person’s personality
– looks and pictures
– school
– where they live
– if they seems fun
Online dating should be a supplement to real life dating so your not putting all your eggs in one basket. Many quality people are out and about irl.
You can max out your chances by better pictures (ask a friend with good photo taking skills and do a day of just shooting around cool areas) and « texting » skills – be funny and then ask a question. Also mindset, if you believe you will fail then it will happen. Just stop caring about online dating as its literally a numbers game. Go out and start hitting on girls in real life like the good old days.
I feel like I have the opposite problem. I’ve mostly got my shit together, but I just don’t have the looks to get very far on the apps. You really have to have it all, which is depressing because some of us just have the worst luck. I was actually back to dating and suddenly developed a skin condition that put an end to that. Finally getting in to see a dermatologist this week, if he can help me I’ll probably go back to the meat grinder.
You’re still young. The right person will come along. Most likely organically so just stop beating yourself up. You have a lot going for you. Don’t let some randos on a dating site tell you otherwise.
Online dating is all about look. Im 3/10. Never tried to get on online dating app.