Dating : Online dating feels really weird. Anyone else feel this way?
I’ve been using bumble and hinge for awhile now. I’ve had a few dates, but it always feels… off. You match with someone because you think you might be compatible, then you go on a date to see what they’re like, and by the end of the date there are already explanations. Like do you kiss them goodbye? Hug? Make out? It feels weird to be expected to be attracted to someone when you hardly know them, and it can take several dates to get to know someone via dates, while people show more of themselves if you meet in a more natural way.
Shame its so hard to meet new people after college though, lol. Anyone else feel like this?
I stopped doing it. I have had better luck using IRL.
Definitely a feeling I’ve had before. I personally always hug them if it’s one of those dropping them off or parting ways situation. I just go in for it confidently, because chances are the other person is trying to figure out what to do also because it’s a weird situation haha I made a personal rule not to kiss or make out on a first date. I’m just not looking for hook ups anymore and that’s almost all that leads to…
Modern dating is at a very weird place in general tbh… I’m still trying to figure it out for myself. I’ve always been more a fan of the approach someone in person style…
P.S. You don’t have to do anything you don’t feel comfortable or appropriate for the situation / circumstances. Modern dating culture has made it seem like every first date ends in a hook up or make out, or some romantic kiss. Not true. A fist date ends the way you feel comfortable. No ifs ands or buts. If the other person doesn’t like that or is pushy and disregards it than you’ve saved yourself from wasting anymore time and money on someone who is not the one
I just can’t get passed how tons of people in your area are judging your looks based on a quick swipe.
Nothing about your personality or mannerisms are shown.
A big one is that you can’t see the look in someone’s eyes when they are attracted to you. You know, that deep, sparkly eye contact with a smirk.
Yeah. I [27F] typically don’t kiss or do more than a hug until at least the 3rd date. It’s difficult for me to spend a few hours with someone and have a desire to be romantic with them right off the bat.
I usually just try to bring it up via text or on the first date, « I sometimes feel pressured with online dating to go from being strangers to romantic interests at what feels like an accelerated pace to me. I treat the first few dates as just getting to know someone. That doesn’t necessarily mean I’m not interested, I’m just very selective about physical touch and need a bit more time than I think might be typical to be ok with it. Is that ok? »
The one’s who like me are chill with it. The ones who want to move to sex ASAP will filter themselves out.
I have always thought of it as unnatural and weird. I don’t do it for that reason.
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Don’t use it as a primary way to meet people. It can work but in my experience, I get 8-9’s in real life and can’t get a match with 3-5’s online.
Online dating got me very depressed in the past, I used to get some good dates back then now it’s crap, not even fun, I don’t even get excited. As an attractive male it’s too much work and I don’t have the time to compete with the other billion guys , I much prefer focusing my time in my career and on me.
Most of my single females who have been doing online dating for years most of them end up meeting someone organically… They said that you have to be in the top 10 percent of good look to meet someone, then how in the hell that 70 percent of people meet online these day…
If you have time for disappointment, wasted time, lots of nonsense, few night stands, pointless date, bad quality people, then yes online dating is for you.
It’s not that I had any luck , I had a few attractive gf over a year ago , now online dating has changed so much , it’s all fake, people don’t even try… swipe, ghost , move to the next person
I felt weird when it was really obvious we didn’t click or would work out. It was an entirely different experience when I met the right guy though.
I know it is weird. I started to go on dates only after 2 weeks of texting. By then I have some idea whether first date will go well or not . And definently ask the intention before going on a date.
I’ve found that online dating in college is surprisingly easy but after college everything changes. It depends alot on where you live. I formed 2 relationships and many 1-4 night stands in college but now things are different. Online dating in a suburban environment is easier. I personally live in NYC now, and understand perfectly why online dating can be so terrible. There’s alot of people in NYC and girls will choose to be as picky as they should to have both 1) good matches and 2) enough matches to go through. Pretty much every guy on bumble is going to swipe right on a girl who’s at least average looking (good shape, not overtly ugly). So since there’s so many men on dating apps in nyc, average to super hot women (5 to 10) have to be very picky unless they’re happy fielding responses from hundreds or thousands of men. The result is that theres a mismatch between male attractiveness and female attractiveness. Men who in real life are 8’s can struggle with average looking girls because there are so many 9’s and 10’s men in nyc willing to field female prospects, women have no need to pursue an 8 on bumble due to sheer volume.
The struggle for girls is that while a huge pool of women will pursue a smaller, incredibly hot pool of men, these men don’t have any more time than the next guy to date all of them and so women actually still get flaked on all the time. In the end, only the hottest men AND hottest women succeed massively on bumble unless some girls decide to cast a wider net and at that point it’s a crapshoot and unmanageable. Stick with in person, join community groups, go out and meet people, dating apps.
Yeah I felt this. That’s how dating is now. You have to go on many dates to get to know a complete stranger.
I am not looking for a hookup…..Nor have I EVER looked for a hookup…..And it seems to be the main theme in OLD. I find dating in general to feel unnatural. I really don’t like « dates. » It all feels forced and uneasy to me. I would rather meet someone organically and have the relationship develop naturally….But maybe I’m just old-fashioned…..
Yea…it all does feel very synthetic now doesn’t it?
I don’t like online dating but I’d never, *ever* meet single men without it. I tried meeting people IRL and it didn’t work out at all. I can count the number of times I interacted with a new, single man that I met in person this year *on one hand.* If I existed in a time period before online dating I’d resign myself to being a spinster, so while online dating sucks its really my only option and I have to put up with it. The alternative is having zero romantic life. The way you prefer to meet people is definitely contingent on having a school environment where everyone lives so close by that engineering social gatherings and situations is effortless.
I don’t online date. I love natural occurring interactions and haven’t had issues finding people I’m interested in that way. You can’t tell someone’s energy by online dating and I hatee it. How do you know if you will click with someone? I suppose you don’t right away. Idk just not my preference.
It’s terrible. I lucked out and met a girl on a dog walk a few days ago. Two dates already and things are going great.
Online is so forced and impersonal.
As a person who hardly meets ppl irl I enjoy dating sites bc it’s easier to find someone with similar interests. But unfortunately ppl aren’t really honest on their profiles and a lot will not even look at your bio but go purely off of looks. It’s exhausting seeing you have messages and you chat and this person has NOTHING in common but is steadily trying to pursue you.
As far hugging and such I keep to myself. Even if they were beyond attractive I wouldn’t want it to be awkward. Sometimes I’d shake hands when first meeting them. But I like to try to have a bit of texting go by before seeing them.
Sometimes, I’ve had family suggest to me that it doesn’t work and insist that most girls on there aren’t genuine. I’d have better luck finding someone IRL.
But, I’m normally busy and find it hard to meet people already.
Exactly this! Is there a secret level somewhere where all the single guys hang out? OLD sucks and IRL is sooooo hard!
Online dating is no joke, people think they look much better than they do on there and will not be real with themselves and just hope they get lucky somehow.
In real life I can’t even approach women unless I’m a bit drunk and she’s giving me the eyes or flirting or giving me signs etc (I’m ruined)
It *is* weird. Feels so impersonal. For me, at least, it also feels like a chore even getting that first date because all you have are a couple of lines and photos in a profile to refer to. IRL you’ve at least chatted, were able to gauge the person’s reactions, gotten a more concrete sense of who they are.
But the apps have their upsides–you meet people you normally wouldn’t IRL. And more people, at that.
I guess maybe I’m not missing much by the fact that I’ve never had a date from OLD. All the people I’ve ever been involved with, I met in person.
It’s because you’re doing it wrong. By that, I mean your expectations.
When you swipe on someone, let’s be real, you find them attractive based on physical traits and maybe what they wrote. This doesn’t correlate with actual attraction when you meet. The attraction develops differently for different people, and how you run with it also depends on the person.
Drop the preconceived expectations of how dates are supposed to progress and end, and just go with what makes you feel comfortable. Plenty of people ask others out based on one interaction. That’s the equivalent of the first date in online dating. I always consider the second date to be the « real » first date.
You’re just bad at dates lol
Miserable. It’s awful
Yes! It will leave you with a low self esteem bro. Dating sites make it harder than it ever was before. It basically makes the most sacred thing in our lives into something for a sicko to squeeze money out of. Almost reminds me of the concept of marketing breathable air.
Don’t think this way. I have been on countless dates and I just go to enjoy myself as you should. There is no expectation of you. Don’t let anyone put those standards or expectations on you. You’re living your life as you should. Just enjoy the ride.
It honestly just takes some getting used to. It will feel more natural over time, as you learn what kinds of dates you like to go on and how people generally act. I never expect a kiss until at least the second date, and generally they don’t go for it until then either. It’s like on the first date, you’re both assessing each other to see if you would like to go on more dates, so it makes sense. By the second date, it’s safer to assume at least a little attraction.