Dating : Online dating shouldn’t be THIS hard
We all want the same thing. We all set up our profiles to be the best they can be. We all swipe endlessly for days.
So why is it that finding connections online is so hard? It’s soul destroying swiping on hundreds of girls only for none of them to want to talk. It makes you feel so lonely. You’re literally surrounded by hundreds of smiling faces only for none of them to want to talk to you. Imagine if you went into the street and everyone was looking at you with a massive smile on their face, and whenever you went « hey you! » or « how’s it going? » they just continued to smile and didn’t say anything. It’s something out of a horror movie.
Why do we choose to place our lives into a horror movie?
It’s hard imo due to the fact they have so many options. Why pick you over 100’s of other matches. If you have even a single thing in your profile they don’t like, they just move on to the next guy. Also your first message has to grab people’s attention. Also « hey you » or « hi » doesn’t cut it you need to actually talk about something on their profile.
Of course if your good looking a lot of what I just posted doesn’t matter. You also have to remember online dating you’re just a picture with sentences. Better be a dam good pic or something funny/unique in your bio.
Welcome to the club for over 80% of men in online dating! I’m in my mid-20’s and looking back I wish that I would’ve ignored my parents when they told me to “focus on school and get good grades, you can always find into a relationship when you graduate and get a job”.
This is why I cold approach. At least I get to talk to women in cold approach. In dating sites I don’t even get a chance.
OP, if you haven’t heard, 80% of men are deemed below average looking by women: [https://medium.com/@worstonlinedater/tinder-experiments-ii-guys-unless-you-are-really-hot-you-are-probably-better-off-not-wasting-your-2ddf370a6e9a](https://medium.com/@worstonlinedater/tinder-experiments-ii-guys-unless-you-are-really-hot-you-are-probably-better-off-not-wasting-your-2ddf370a6e9a)
This means that the majority of men in online dating get no messages in their inbox from women, and no/extremely few responses to any messages they send out (and the responses they do get, it’s basically a one-sided conversation with the woman blocking them after a few back and forth messages).
Online dating isnt hard, for attractive people. Youre attractive, you get swiped on, youre more likely to get messaged or have your message responded to, and more likely to have a actual meet up.
Lately, I’ve been thinking of this term ‘peripheral dating’.
It’s when people sublimate relationships and subdue their desire for irl partnership by ‘seeing’ several people every day on social media and dating apps. It makes them feel like they’re in control and that they have options.
I’m also reminded of that Black Mirror episode wherein even when the algorithms are sophisticated to the point of finding perfect-matches, people refuse it.
Its only hard if you don’t have the good looks
I personally talk to women in real life. It’s a much funner experience.
Why are things so difficult now 🙁
You can’t look online dating that way. I know it sucks but the best and most effective way to meet people is out in public. Social skills need to be further developed because even if you do meet someone online you will eventually have to meet them in person and if those communication skills aren’t up there…you’ll crash and burn.
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Think of online dating as a billboard with the best things about you lined up for the world to see for free. 1000s of people will pass by but the ones that are really interested will stop in and say hello. This is your time to shine. Online dating is just one method of many to meet potential partners. Don’t let it get you down if you’re not being flooded with matches.
I finally just recently got my first match on Tinder after 2 weeks on there. I sent a message first, she responded, I replied to that, and I never heard from her again. So close, yet so far. At the very least, it was a slight confidence boost just that I finally matched with somebody, but it’s still rough. Back on the grind, I guess.
Online dating is brutal not because it’s hard to get a match but because it shows that women really are only sexually attracted to the taller guys. They might date a short guy IRL but only in spite of it. It highlights what women find sexually attractive and that I’m not that and never will be.
hypergamy, son
I like this analogy.
But remember that this isn’t even a good way to meet partners. It just is.
Do not pledge value in yourself from your experience in a phone app.
It’s a lot of work for low-effort searching, sure.
As soon as you match with somebody who you have nice chemistry with though, it will make you realize that it is all worth it.
I don’t agree that we all want the same things. Many people want hookups. Some want committed relationships. Some want side pieces. Some want a partner to share their lives and communicate with often, with while others want a weekend FWB.
My point is that apps that focus primarily on swiping aren’t helpful in finding someone who has your same ideals and relationship goals. I would recommend signing up for a *paid* app where more focus is put on meaningful profiles and multiple photos to show who you really are.
Not much different than irl as a socially awkward unattractive aspie…
it is soul destroying and only reinforces my feelings of worthlessness.
OLD apps don’t make any money when you get into a happy relationship and delete them. They are designed to hit all your reward centers but make it hard to actually have a connection.
which one are you on?
Just try to put yourselves in their shoes. If you received hundreds or even thousands of requests from a slew of women, you would pick a handful that you feel attracted/connected to and try to make it work. I highly doubt you would respond to every single one of them. That’s what most women go through, on any dating site.
A lot of profiles are bots and scammers anyway. Go meet some human women and forget online dating.
Love isn’t supposed to be easy. It’s hard and emotionally draining. Why? Because in the end, when you find it, it’s worth all the work and that makes you appreciate it.
To many of us want and expect instant gratification these days and I truly understand.
Nothing worth doing in life is easy.
Good luck to all of you out there and be patient!
Its because there’s TONS of male scammers online now who unethically tell those women he’s looking for a relationship when he’s not. He leads her on for months, uses her, and this pattern happens non-stop. Eventually the best girls get offline or don’t date at all, save for the naive ones who are falling for lies.
Players today don’t have to have money (women make their own) or even be very hot, they just have to know how to talk to women. How to create fake chemistry and fake common interests. She thinks he’s smitten over her and ends up playing her and several others at the same time unknowingly to her.
I always tell people that broke average guys make the best players and are most common because they are not suspected to be a player lol. Women are suspicious of hot guys and wealthy guys and automatically deem them a player in today’s world as those are the qualities our parents drilled into our head that makeup a player. But in today’s world, those guys (hot or wealthy) are usually upfront they don’t want anything serious because they use their looks or money to get women, and its the average and broke guys who have to lie. And all the women you are looking for are getting played by those men right now.
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Yeah it really sucks dont it? Especially when someone who says « Say more than hi! » in their bio ether does that to you then ignores what you say back or ignores you after a nice type up
Stop depending on your phone to find someone for you.