Dating : Rejected all my life. Today, I officially quit trying. Fuck this.
Girl after girl.. nothing but rejection. I’m just so sick and tired of it. I’m just done.
I’ve managed to get dates here and there. Hell, I even managed to get a girl to date me for 3 months. But in the end, every girl ended up just playing games.
Before someone gives me shit about self-improvement (please don’t, seriously).. believe me I’ve improved myself incredibly over the years. I put on muscle at the gym, completed my undergrad, climbed the corporate ladder, have a good job, have good friends, etc.
I’m happy with all of those things, but none of them help in the world of dating. This whole improve yourself and that will increase your chances of getting a SO is a myth.
Anyways, that’s my rant. Anyone that’s wants to join my pity party is welcome.
Quit last year. Been happier than ever since then. It’s like leaving a shitty job (except there at least you received something), don’t need to deal with people constantly telling me I’m inadequate, don’t need to deal with absurdly high expectations, don’t need to be the perfect person to « match » up to someone who’s got nothing else going on except this one position of power.
I gained back time, money and all I had to lose was a mental drain. More guys here should try it, no point playing a game where you’re always going to lose.
I feel ya. Dating today is hard. Having a real relationship seems nearly impossible. Don’t try, put your guard up, but maybe don’t close the door completely forever. That may make you bitter. Take a break and just live.
That self improvement crap only goes so far. And tbh, should you really have to change that much to find a person who likes you for you?
Sounds like your self improvements have bettered your life for yourself though, yea? And that’s what’s important. Be proud of your accomplishments and who you are a person.
It’s not you… It’s the current state of affairs in this country! If you’re honest about finding someone then internationally is highly suggested! There’s a lot more intelligent and down to earth women out there and fuck what anyone has to say about that!
It’s getting to me too, I’m especially sick of these women coming out of nowhere SUPER into me, blowing up my phone and bugging for a hangout, and then as soon as I’m roped in and starting to feel something for them…boom, ghost or lost interest.
I’m honestly done with this game, don’t bother if you’re just interested in a simple spark.
Dating in this day and age is just horrible
wont call it a pity party but i dont like at all how the rules have changed for dating. i stopped in 2017 and havent gone back since and its done wonders for my mental health. i know you said dont mention improving yourself but the last thing you need to improve is your mood. not to find anyone but so you can be in a head space to enjoy the single life. dating is a series of cryptic clues, lopsided expectations, disposable men and lack of real caring in so many instances its unreal. i posted deal breakers of mine and got downvoted and some lady tried to talk me out of them as if im not allowed to have them, the things men get chastised for saying sometimes is absurd. its ok not to date, more and more men are bowing out and i cant say its a bad idea. be strong brother, youve got company, youre not alone.
If you dated a girl for 3 months you will realistically find another in the future whom you fall in love with. The guys who really struggle can’t get a first date to begin with, or if they do, it never goes beyond that.
i dont think theres a point in dating anymore. if you mess up or just aren’t perfect in any way, a woman can download an app and find someone to replace you within literal minutes. the mind games people play are just too much causing your mental health to deteriorate.
dating used to be for the purpose of marriage but marriage is a garbage deal for men so i dont think theres really a reason to pursue it.
im not sure what the answer is here. im about to give up too at the age of 27. maybe i’ll come back when im older who knows. even if i do, i’ll no longer be looking for relationships and i’ll probably end up just playing the same game thats been played on me
>Before someone gives me shit about self-improvement (please don’t, seriously).. believe me I’ve improved myself incredibly over the years. I put on muscle at the gym, completed my undergrad, climbed the corporate ladder, have a good job, have good friends, etc.
I’m not sure you understand the concept of self improvement
How can I change the way I react in uncomfortable situations.
How do I not go over the roof because I dropped a coffee.
Am I a jealous person and why?
How can I be more kind to others?
Do any past trauma effect my behaviour?
You know how do I improve as a person?
Your carrier and how much muscle you have is nice to boost the ego but not really self improvement.
Hope this helps
I feel this. When people say to work on yourself fuck that. You need to work on your social media and pictures . That’s what matters most in getting the initial date…. after it’s about it personality and confidence
Why do you think you have failed in dating?
I’ve got to hand it to you. You know what you dont/want and you are going for it. That is admirable.
What have you given?
I’m sorry but women don’t learn until you do not come back. Then they complain about there being no good men. I been in this stage and I just focused on career goals. You will get so much better and its like they can’t operate from another frame of being. They will see you in a lambo and say something as stupid and mind boggling as « you can get any woman you want » like they are encouraging a child. You will literally want to tear the hairs in your head out dealing with this head cases. Its almost as if their worth is kept in see so by denying the best men access they think they have leverage. Simply kill them with success and have them looking stupid talking about how they turned you down. If their claim to fame is giving you a hard time then that goes to day a lot about their accomplishments.
I uninstalled dating apps after 3 years. I figure if things are this astronomically bad for successful and healthy people then it’s just not worth the abject humiliation as an undereducated autist.
There is a line from a song that stuck with me and I think about from time to time (I’m paraphrasing here as I can’t remember it word for word) « if you don’t like the fish your catching, maybe change the bait ». Now that can taken as surface self improvement OR it can be a bit deeper than that, I think. If you see a pattern in relationships either getting dates or what happens in multiple long term relationships, it COULD be an issue with us, maybe our expectations or deeper compatibility issues.
Dating is hard.. Relationships are hard. Not just starting a relationship, but then making it work. There are huge risks, but the rewards are great also. As someone in thier 40’s who has had multiple multi-year relationships, and been divorced and is currently married now; let me tell you that it doesn’t get easier. You have to continue to put in the work to make the relationship last and even then you control 50% of what happens. You better hope they are willing to put in the work also, or it simply won’t work out. Shits tough, but worth it.
For me, my patter is that after a couple years, when things get tough, I bail or just stop putting in the work. Probably a learned device being a child of divorce. My pattern of failed relationships with perfectly fine/nice women wasn’t on them ultimately.
I’m not trying to lecture or even give advice. I guess my point is don’t stop trying or being open. But consider taking a deep look at the patters you see and maybe working on them, trying different approaches or something.
I quit. Like you, I have improved myself so much and become highly respected and that didn’t matter. It’s either rejection or non-exclusivity or games and I’m just left giving my all for a futile effort. I hate hearing all the self-improvement advice when I keep seeing sexual deviants and abusive assholes succeed or women complaining about hookup culture while refusing to have a relationship.
I decided to give up recently and just try some bit of hookup culture at some point soon because I can’t believe in any woman actually committing anymore in a world where all I see them do in the dating seen is play games with me and hookup with other people (guys definitely do this too, but there’s two sides to this coin people tend to overlook). I’m just gonna try and be a horny on main idiot for a bit because being a respectful loving person who wants a relationship just doesn’t fucking work.
Sounds like you’re self improving for reaching an end, instead if doing it for itself without an end. You should look up on Taoism, stop excessively trying
Don’t give up. It only takes ONE time to get it right.
I have a theory that dating in the 20s for *both* genders is much more about learning about yourself than it is actually finding a relationship… Which is so freaking rude to anyone you date because you use them as an object.
On r/showerthoughts there was a nice quote the other day- « if you are not dating to get into a long-term committed relationship, you are dating for heartbreak ». I think that says it all.
I’m not giving up, but I’m pressing the pause button. I’ll come back in my 30s when people are done using strangers as rollercoasters
Maybe you should focus on learning how to be comfortable not being in a relationship. Then you can keep looking for one while being less bothered about being rejected.
You’re not owed a girlfriend. Maybe because you seem to think so, it shows in your attitude. I mean you can say you improved on yourself but do you really know if your personality has changed? Maybe you’re off putting in your ways. You seem to have a negative attitude from being rejected so maybe, you might not know that you do, but maybe you kinda give off that vibe… I don’t really know cause I don’t know you but that’s kinda what I got from your post.
It seems you’re trying hard about getting a SO, which is something that never gets rewarded in my experience.
I just had a thought about your self-improvement which you may or may not like. Everything you named are externals. Have you also ever thought about internal improvement?