Dating : Seeing friends find love is a double edged sword
A year ago most of my friends were single along with myself. Now I have one single friend. Today a friend shared with me how her boyfriend told her he loved her and I am genuinely so happy for her. I’ve seen her ups and downs with dating. The anxiety and confusion from bad situations of the past.
Hearing about this moment made me so happy for her since it’s the peace, love and stability she deserves. But as my friends fall more in love it becomes harder to ignore the feeling of sadness that I have yet to experience that too. We started off in the same boat but they’re all hopping out and running ashore to their happy relationships and I’m left floating alone out at sea.
One part of me thinks that things can and will change more quickly than I expect but the other part of me is stuck wondering why I haven’t even found a connection that could become something.
I don’t want to automatically feel jealous every time I get excited for my friends hitting a special relationship milestone but it’s hard to ignore… but at least I can remind myself if they got out of the perpetually single boat I eventually will too. I’m not really worried that it won’t happen for me but it still sucks in the moment.
I hear you. Not too long ago, I was the only one out of my friend group that was in a relationship and now I’m unfortunately single again and two of my friends are starting to enter relationships. I’m happy for both of them, but I can’t help to reminis and miss my old relationship when they would bring up something about their relationships.
I couldn’t relate more to a post, I’ve been slowly losing more of my friend group as they find significant others and distance themselves from the group and I’m at the point where I have 1-2 friends left after years of having a still relatively small but tight knit group of friends. I’ve been coming more to terms with it and enjoying my life alone and though I think about the past with some sadness, that’s just the always constant progression of time.
Honestly after spending some years of my late teens pining after my first love long after she had stopped caring about me the same way I have finally begun to find some peace in myself rather than searching for it from others, I recommend you keep doing the things that are making you happy already and not think too much about finding a significant other that could very well bring all sorts of conflict and unhappiness in your life as easily as they could bring you happiness. Best of luck.
A year ago I was a witness at my best friend wedding. Just last week I helped another friend moved in with his girlfriend.
I consider them like family and as someone with little social skill I care for my friend very dearly but I always have that little « why not me » feeling in the back of my head.
It’s scary to be the only guy in my circle to not have anyone like that and I keep thinking that maybe it won’t ever happens.
But that doesn’t stop me from being happy to see them being happy, that didn’t stopped me from crying like a idiot when I gave a speech at the wedding because I was so happy for them or when they embraced me after I made a video for them.
Being in relationships they didn’t stop talking to me, joking with me, inviting me, they just included they’re partner in it and now I’m friends with them too. I didn’t loose 2 brother I gained 2 sisters, that’s how I like seeing it
What I’m trying to get at is that ,yeah, jealousy is a thing but it should not get in the way of the friendship and love you share with them.
If they cast you aside tell them « hey I’m still here », if they don’t care about you maybe they weren’t as good a friend as you thought because real friends would look over their shoulder to see if your boat still floats before departing.
Edit : sorry if I made any mistake, English isn’t my first language
I feel your pain, I’m single again and most my friends are engaged or married or having a baby. It’s hard not to be sad, I don’t blame you at all. You’re so very happy and deep down it hurts like hell
I felt like this for a while until I really started deep diving into my own hobbies and being introspective. I came to realize I don’t actually care. I barely have enough hours in the day for my own stuff and I would have to find someone really, REALLY exceptional to feel it’s worth splitting my time even further. So I’m not actively looking and am more than happy being single.
Frankly, I used to feel this way. Well, I mean I still feel a little jealous of some of my friends. After one of them proposed to his longtime GF and just seeing them together and all their trips they take does sting. But honestly, I have never been more motivated to keep getting my shit together and in place so that when I am ready to date again I have a full menu to throw at someone vs what little I have right now. I want to model parts of their relationship into my own, obviously I can’t 100% but its worth a shot.
Hey, all your friends are off your boat? That means you’re the captain of your own ship! Someone somewhere out there will see you and go « damn, that’s one hell of a captain, I’d love to be on their boat, »
Then both of you will set sail and be happy and alone – ✨together✨
(Okay I ended this on a joke but for real, you’ll find someone or someone will find you)
I definitly understand how you feel, I have been single for years now and only know 1 friend who is single. I think its important to consider that things look different from the outside, their relationship may seem great but no relationship is perfect, there are plenty of good aspects to being single. And your friends may be in good relationships now, but who knows, people change and relationships can wither.
Im always happy for friends to find love, they deserve it. Whats important is to be there for them and learn from them, be it their mistakes or success… and focus on improving your own life, and keeping your heart open.
This post resonates with me a lot these days. My female friends and I were all single for a good minute but within the last six months to a year, they’ve all been finding good partners. If not a partner, they at least have someone they’re talking to with romantic intent. I’m happy for all of my friends who have found someone because they deserve it. Most of them were in unfulfilling or turbulent relationships before their current partners and I can tell how much happier they are with their new person.
But of course, as happy as I am for them, I’m also a bit envious and worried that I might be left behind if I cannot find someone too. It’s such a weird feeling to have and I try not to display it in the presence of my friends. Much like you said, I know I’ll find someone eventually but right now this just feel bittersweet.
My friend of 25 years got madly jealous when he saw me having a girlfriend. He had just broken up and told me he didn’t want to « lose » to me on that. I thought it was strange of him to say that but he spent the next 1 year going on crazy on dating apps. Of course, since he was desperate, things didn’t work out too well for him. Eventually, when he took a break from dating, he eventually met someone, and got married before I did. I think finding the right person is more important than getting out of single hood, and it works better if you stay relaxed and enjoy the present moment. Just socialise more and take things easy.
It’s all relative, people in my circle are getting married, while I am single. When I am gonna be getting married I am sure some of them will be having divorces.
Not sure how to word this correctly but if you’re still in close contact with those friends, use that in your favor. Whenever one of my friends found themself in a new relationship, the partner had their own group of friends and this would lead to meeting these sooner or later. Without much thinking i could tell you three stories of how a friend of mine got to know their now partner via the friendgroup of another friends partner.
Can relate 🙁 . I also had a housemate in a relationship and they’d do couply stuff in the shared areas. I didn’t object, though secretly found it a bit painful and felt awkward being in public (shared part of house) areas around them. Lonely. Scenes of romance etc. in films also trigger me this way.
I was so much in love with a guy. He used to tell me that he loves me every single day, he used to tell me that how happy I have made him every single day. After a while everything gone south, he said he doesn’t love me anymore, he left me, he said dating is like a roller coaster, he told me to move on.
It has been almost 2 years since our break up, and I still feel so much pain. Recently I discovered that he is in love with someon else, they are happily travelling the country. I can’t find any words to describe my pain right now. I still love him and it destroyed me. I have invested so much in the relationship, I have done so much for him, but saying goodbye was so easy for him. I cry myself to sleep these days.
I wish love would last forever for every kind soul.
I understand how you feel, but it’s only best to be happy for others…
Because it’s way to attract your own partner.
You can’t have what you don’t appreciate or feel happy for.
=(
Amen to this
To every committed friend
I’ll look like this
Outside I Skrrt skrrt … Inside I Hurt Hurt
All it takes if for a right person to say “yes”. Then it’s all over, as quick as you think. It just seems bleak when you can’t even see the shore.
-Fellow Boater
I completely understand. It doesn’t help that the only other single person in my friend group is basically nuts, a complete drama queen and while she is fun for short periods, unbearablely intense for long ones. So there is a part of me that is afraid I’m that bad too.
It’s an understandable feeling. I remember having billiard nights at my place with the guys and it would come up of the 4-5 of us there I really was the only single person there. It would burn more if I had been talking to someone and things just never worked out and my feelings would be hurt or my expectations would just never be met. But it’s not the end of the world, this year in many aspects of life I’ve really learned things happen for people at different times
I feel you. I’m now the last single girl in my friend group and it makes me somehow feel like a « failure ». (I know that feeling is irrationally dumb, but I can’t help it)
Comparison is the the thief of joy. Who cares? There are good and bad things to being in relationships. Just focus on your life and what you can control. Remember, you aren’t guaranteed a relationship in life, so don’t stake your happiness on it. What you can do is search for meaning and do everything your power to better yourself.
The first step in loving someone else is loving yourself.
Many people are constantly changing their designations of friends and loved ones as “good” and “bad” when they change their behavior. This can’t possibly be love. In order to love we must judge completely and see the positives and negatives of a person. This is impossible to do if you don’t know yourself and you’ve never reflected on your sense of virtue and justice. Only the wise person is capable of real love then.
could be worse. half my friends just got divorced.