Dating : Should I tell her that I’ve slept with other girls before?

Dating : Should I tell her that I’ve slept with other girls before?

No one in my life knows of had sex before. I’m 20M currently in my first relationship. When people bring up the sex topic, they just think to themselves that I’ve never had sex and even if someone asks me the question, they’ll decide on an answer before I tell them anything.

My girlfriend wants me to touch her more, if anything she’s pretty much just said it out loud. She asked to get physical instead of just speaking, but I can’t even touch her without feeling bad about not telling her.

It’s not that I had sex, it’s the way. I paid for it. First time was when I was 17 and its been over a year since the last one. It’s one of the decisions I regret alot. I am planning on asking her out again this week and speak to her in person about this.

Should I tell her and let her decide whether she wants to be with me? If so how do I start a topic like this?

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What do you think?

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  1. I think it depends a lot of what her views towards sex are in general. If she thinks sex should be exclusively intimate/done for love then knowing that you paid for sex will be really difficult for her to understand. If she’s not of that view, it might be difficult for her purely because of how society views prostitution and the clients involved.

    I think you do need to tell her. It’ll be a hard conversation but you will need to.

    You say you regret it but your post mentions you’ve paid for it multiple times – was this done because you felt lonely or wanted more sexual experience? Because I’d like to note that many people approach sex with non sex workers for the same reasons (and many people regret those experiences) so you’re really not « weird » or anything to pay for sex as much of society (and most of reddit, let’s be real) would say.

    Either way, emphasising what your motivations were for doing it and how much you care about your relationship with her currently will be the key to making this convo as smooth as possible. You don’t want to be with someone who’d find a part of your past « icky ».

  2. The real question is: why should this be a problem whatsoever?
    Unless your entire relationship is built on you being a virgin, I don’t see any reason to why she wouldn’t want to be with you.

    If you want to tell her go ahead, I think you’ll both just laugh it off

  3. No need to be so specific.

    Just tell her you are not a virgin and the sex was just like one night stands in college

    Also… she could tell other people if you ever broke up. You have to think about those things too. Not everyone has to know every detail.

    I told my boyfriend some stuff when we were dating and he used it against me later after we broke up. Not fun.

    Be vague while being truthful about what’s important


    Seriously what good will it do you, maybe make you feel better at the cost of freaking her out. Unless she asks you directly then keep quiet. She’s not stupid she probably knows you’ve been with a girl and regardless most women don’t want to hear about your past sexual exploits paid for or otherwise.

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