Dating : Should Woman make the first move, if a man doesn’t?
Men (25 – 35 years of age only please), I’ve been getting conflicting opinions on this. I am trying to date men in this age range, and I am unsure whether I should ask a guy out first, or flirt with him until he asks me out? I have asked some of my male colleagues and friends, and some men recommend sticking back and waiting for the man to take the lead and set up the first date, while others (around my age, 25) say they would be more excited if a woman initiated the first date with them…
I feel great when I do initiate, but then I never seem to get a second date. Also, I’m not initiating because I want to — Just because I feel I have to, because men are slow / don’t pick up on hints / just want to chat on dating apps and not make any moves. At the end of the day, I want to be pursued by a man. I’ve been told by men on dating apps « those types of guys don’t exist anymore », which I don’t believe. Am I just talking to the wrong guys? What are your thoughts?
If you want to go on more dates, then yes clearly, how is this a question? « If noone offers me a sandwich, should I just starve to death? »
> At the end of the day, I want to be pursued by a man.
Oh okay well this was pretty much the only relevant caveat that could have followed here. If you just simply aren’t turned on or interested in anyone unless they pursue you, well then okay in that case, equally clearly, no, you shouldn’t then.
————-
It will 100% get you more dates, and the dates will be perfectly fine quality (anyone not going on a second date was because of something else. Nobody goes on a whole first date knowing ahead of time they will bail later, that would be really stupid and a waste of time for them). Buuuut if all of those dates are ones you don’t want out of a relationship, then that would not be useful to you.
So just depends how *actually* important that need for pursuit is. Which is entirely subjective, couldn’t answer it for you.
There is not right or wrong on this. Some guys are shy some are not. Its simple if you like a guy put yourself in the position where he could ask you out. Or simply ask him out. After that if he doesn’t want to go out again its simply because you are not a good match.
I used to be crazy shy. My first two gfs only happened because the girls asked me out, the rest I asked out. No right or wrong sometimes it works out with the person and sometimes it doesn’t. My second girl that asked me out turned into a 2 1/5 long relationship. However it is more likely that the older guys have more life experience and confidence to where if you give them the opening they will take it.
Do it as someone in that age range it would be a nice change
Rather than just stating one man’s personal preference, I’ll offer some thoughts for your consideration:
-For times when you see a cutie you feel curious about…
Keep in mind that when a woman likes a man, she will do things to put herself “into his orbit“ in hopes that he knows how to do something about it (chat her up, get her number, ask her out…)
From there – assuming he is interested – he can play his role as the type of man who is confident and goes for what he wants in life and in dating… doing so by leading the interaction in the direction he wants it to go.
For example, if you had put yourself in front of me, all chatty and charming and chuckling… I would note how much we mutually seem to be enjoying each other’s presence and I’d eventually say something like, “Well hey – I gotta get going. But you seem like a cool person. We should get together for dinner – when are you free?”
So, you can be putting yourself in front of any cute stranger in public, and be your chatty and charming and chuckling self to see what happens…
Or if it is someone you will see on a regular basis, then you can do this on more than one occasion to give him a chance to hopefully get a clue about what may be happening. After a few different occasions, if he makes no move, then no one can say it was because you didn’t provide a runway for him to land on!
-The other thing I’ll mention is advice I always give to men for approaching women in public. I mention it to you even though you are not a man, simply so you can check that your own behaviors as a woman responding to men are working for you —
*Best advice for “approaching” women in general is…*
*In a peaceful, relaxed, confident vibe – say, “Excuse me” and then drop off a brief, casual remark or question related to her… but do this without needing a single thing from her. This means having no need for her to give her number, or afford you an extended conversation on the spot, etc.*
*Just let her know she’s making that green dress look good, or whatever it is you have to say sincerely – and then just like that, (say “You’re welcome” if she thanks you of course, but then) turn and go right back to looking for the gluten free bread, or whatever you had been in the middle of doing.*
*If the woman is not single or is not interested, she will do nothing at all except appreciate the compliment while continuing on her way.*
*But if she happens to be available and interested, she will return to you and engage with you further.*
I believe that if a man is interested in me, he will make the first move and if he doesn’t then it wouldn’t work out anyway.
I also want to be pursued by men. I’ve been asked out several times so I don’t need to ask men out. Any time in the past when I’ve asked a man out he has proven to not be interested, he goes along with it to play games and lead me on.
lol all the men of reddit are going to tell you to initiate, plan, and carry the whole damn relationship. don’t listen to them – this is a really easy way to become mommy mcbang maid.
every man is different. but i do think it’s a song and dance (annoying i know) where both parties need to use non verbal communication. i do not think it works very well when a woman decides to bypass all this to be the initiator, just like how it doesn’t work very well if a man bulldozes.