Dating : So how exactly do you ask someone out?
I [26M] am the funny guy everyone likes to have around and I am in pretty good shape also, so I would say I am not too bad looking either (started working out this year, which also gave a huge boost to my confidence). However, I never really had a girlfriend. Mostly, because I just never asked anyone out.
Lately some women were showing obvious interest, but I just don’t have the balls to ask them out or just don’t know how to do so.
I don’t even think I have fear of rejection, but I am a chronic overthinker, so I just think about what people think of me all the time. So I guess what I really am afraid of is, that if they say no, I will always feel awkward when I see them (even if I usually never or rarely see them) or that they think or laugh about me, when they see me until the end of time.
Can any of you guys talk some sanity into me or tell me how to ask someone out? There is this girl I really like for instance, recently met her because we watched GoT with a mutual friend together. She was showing signs of interest and even told me she was single when we drank alcohol one time. However, I obviously did not ask her out, because again, I feel it will be awkward if she says no. How would you ask her or even anyone out?
You have to just go for it. Usually start a more personal conversation on common interests (try activities) and then ask if they want to continue the conversation over coffee this week? Or dinner? Or lunch? Depending on how deep you wanna go in.
Here’s the thing, if someone makes fun of you after they’ve rejected you, that has nothing to do with YOU. That’s to do with their own self esteem and they are shitty people. Totally doesn’t reflect on you. So there’s no need to be embarrassed or awkward if they do that. If someone tried that with me, a guy laughed at me or made fun of me every time he saw me, I’d be like “dude, move on. I certainly did.” And saunter out Of there like the saucy panther I am.
So never be worried about people being awkward after they say no. That’s on THEM. Confidence is sometimes about knowing when things are your responsibility and when it’s others. You’re responsible for your own feelings and how your perceive yourself. If someone reads that wrong that’s on them.
Start conversations. And just shoot your shot. It’s as easy as that, and it’s really a numbers game to be honest.
« Let’s get a drink. Wednesday at 7:30? »
You can always be a little less direct if your too nervous. For example, you can always talk about food and which ones you guys have tried.
You: “oh i went to this Korean bbq place and it was really good”
Her: “what’s Korean bbq?”
You: “oh you’ve never tried it, well you and I should go to XYZ, they have the best Korean bbq”
Her: “cool that sounds fun, yea um ok”
See… got yourself a date.
You can do this with almost anything and not just food to get her to go somewhere with you. Or to “compete which coffee/food, etc is better” if you have a favorite spot to show her. This is an example.
Failing is okay, it’s the best way to get better. Go for it.
By standing outside their window with a gigantic boombox playing In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel
You, »hey x, I was just thinking about that last episode of GoT, did you think this happend because of the forced marriage between so an so, 50 years before Robert’s rebellion? »
Her, »Oh I didn’t think about that, hmm… maybe but if thats the case, then that would mean, Ned Stark’s great grandfather was actually so and so. Oh and that means, Bran also has rightful claim to the lands of xyz »
You, »Yah you’re right I didn’t realize that. Man I wish I had more people I could talk to about the more obscure theories. »
Her, »Yah me too, there’s so many possibilities, the GoT world is just so big »
You, »Hey do you wana talk about it more, over drinks at oxo bar? »