Dating : Some questions on basic flirting/where to meet specific types of people and gay dating outside the gay scene?

Dating : Some questions on basic flirting/where to meet specific types of people and gay dating outside the gay scene?

I’m 33, and from Lancashire, England.

I’ve got some three different questions, but rather than write three specific topics, I’ll condense it into one post.

Question 1.

How can I flirt effectively without coming across as clunky, creepy and know if/when a woman is attracted to me?

My previous attempts at flirting seemed rather poor – they weren’t over-the-top, overly macho, but were more like an inexperienced teenage boy [except without the horny part]

Question 2. Where would I meet these specific types of partner that I’m attracted to – in the real world, not online dating? In general, I’ve largely gone for women who are girly-girl, feminine and who mix in these social circles:

– « Alternative » women. Not always tattoos and piercings, sometimes Goths [not *all* Goths wear black and listen to rock, that’s a stereotype, but the media seems to portray it as that] but I know that some of the women tend to self-identify as queer based on what I’ve read about on sites relating to dating and VICE magazine’s LGBT page, but equally, just because someone said their ex was female, does not mean someone is lesbian/queer, yet I have to be sensitive about that.

I don’t know what sorts of activities they would show up at or places that have activities I enjoy that are good places to meet them.

– Expat women.

This is *not* a race fetish. It’s just an attraction the same as some men go for blondes or brunettes.

It’s been around since I was 16 and in high school with a girl, Jennifer – *name changed for anonymity* – who was Swedish [I liked her, but in the end, decided not to try and ask her out because I didn’t want to ruin her friendship]. She was one of the very few expats in my high school at that time. I’d been friends with her in 2001 but didn’t see her again after 2002 when I’d done my GCSE’s.

She was a friend who I would hang out with occasionally in high school, and although I only knew her a short time, was enjoyable to be with.

It’s probably because of the individual above – whose name I changed for privacy reasons – that I’ve gone for these sort of people.

I try and appear well-read so I’ve got interesting conversation-starters. A lot of expats are well-educated and well-travelled, and I’m interested in travel/geography so there’s one thing in common.

I’m not in a large city like London or Birmingham so it’s more difficult to meet this type of woman as a partner.

– Actors/models.

Yes, it sounds like a cliched choice that men would go for, but is there anything wrong with this sort of choice of partner [based on the factors below regarding common interests]?

I’m not talking A, B- or even C-listers, but up-and-coming, low-profile actors or models who are well-known-ish in the local area. Not models who are Instagram influencers with thousands of followers or women signed to major model agencies, but women who do it on the side as a job legitimately in addition to other things like blogging/vlogging / writing and are around my age or slightly younger [going by the half your age plus seven rule, 23.5, or rounded up, 24, would be the youngest I could date].

I may not look model-ish myself [apart from « alternative model », maybe. Using it self-deprecatingly here].

In terms of looks, I’ve tended to go for the women who aren’t considered A-lister pretty but could be considered pretty, like Sarah Lysander [look her image on Google – she’s not a huge A-lister model or influencer, but notable for being in COSMOPOLITAN magazine in 2017] or Lauren Layne, American model.

I do have some interests that are shared with them – I know the basics of WordPress and plugins, Adobe Photoshop / Adobe InDesign, Mac OS / Linux, terminal commands, ghostwriting etc. and website management – web design being one of my interests, and is that a good thing to have in common as a conversation topic on a date?

It’s where to meet these sort of people *in person* that’s the problem, especially as I’ve no connections in this area.

Question 3. This is a slightly more difficult question to answer.
I do have *some* attraction to men, but it’s less than my attraction to women.

I’m not experienced at all in gay dating but I don’t want to use apps like Grindr and don’t feel confident enough to tackle « the scene » yet.

Also, I have no-one to introduce me to people who are gay and single, really.

My area’s not great for LGBT-related things but I don’t quite feel comfortable going to somewhere like Canal Street in Manchester – not yet.

I’m trying to take this slowly.

I *don’t* flirt with men because I’m worried about homophobia and I’m not good at it either, but I can’t practise if I don’t meet people?

Going to a gay nightclub may seem like an obvious choice, but nightclubs have started to close down and be bought by property developers, so that’s out as an option.

I’m looking more at men who are relationship-minded, rather than one-night stand/dating multiple people at once.

I haven’t really got a « type » yet, not that that matters.

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I would appreciate any advice on how to improve my flirting, or the other two situations.