Dating : Stop fucking telling me to « lower my standards »
Like real shit stop telling me « oh youre aiming to high go lower »
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Honestly? No I will not lower my standards. I want be with the best possible partner and be happy and content with them instead of someone lower that im just « Ok with they’ll do »
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I want me a woman that will treat me with geniune kindness and respect someone to chill and hang out with and will dominate me silly in the bedroom?
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Is that aiming too high? Oh fucking well and if i dont get that. I’ll be fine on my own because im not just gonna end up with someone that im not content with cuz my « standards are too high »
Having high standards is fine as long as it matches your own value. Typically when someone says « lower your standards » they’re trying to nicely say you aren’t offering as much as what you’re looking for.
People who are told to « lower their standards » often come across as rather delusional about their own worth in the dating world.
I think the more constructive advice is to be the sort of person that attracts the women you desire to date. Some people give the advice “lower your standards” as a way to nicely say “have realistic expectations”. Not to say you can’t attract the women you wanna date, but recognize that if you want someone who takes a relationship seriously and puts in a lot of effort, you need to be someone that gives off the vibes that you will do the same.
In my own dating experience as a woman in her young 20s, I can say I’ve encountered many guys who complain about not being able to attract their dream girl and not wanting to lower their standards. But I can say personally that those types of men who constantly dwell on the negative of dating with a “woe is me attitude” has a real negative vibe that girls pick up on. So if you want a higher standard dating pool, put yourself in a position of attracting them.
For example work out (women are attracted to men who can dedicate time and effort to building their bodies, aesthetic too), focus on your passions and work on communicating them (women love a passionate man), and learn how to be a confident conversationalist. I can say as a successful and attractive woman in her early 20s along with my friends who are similarly goal-oriented, we all have high standards for men we date as well. What attracts us to them and vice versa is being able to communicate through your conversations, aesthetic, and overall physical presentation that you have similar life goals/values.
So no, don’t lower your standards, but recognize women also have their standards too. Be realistic, put yourself out there, and most importantly, be genuine and confident!
I don’t know. What are you bringing to the table?
Based on your past posts, you seem like a real whiner.
Don’t « lower you standards ». Raise yourself to a proper standard.
High standards are great. As long as you can meet those standards yourself.
There is nothing wrong with keeping your standards high as long as it is with respect to « Values » in life as @casanochick indicated. I have faced this myself – if you run after someone who is just beautiful but hollow within when it comes to values they have in their life and things they appreciated in life – it will become a misery. After my low point in life, I have realized that « values » comes first when finding a partner.
I’ve voiced this frustration for years. Honestly OP, don’t listen to people who say that to you. Most of them *(not all)* usually are superficial themselves.
I know how you feel. Our generation unfortunately is the *physical attraction* generation and if there is a woman that people will perceive as * »out of your league »* based on the pretext of looks alone, you’ll be asked to aim lower.
It’s BS! I want a traditional woman who is also kind, respectful, able to chill out with me. Fact that people think that is too high of standards these days is absurd.
Well if you’re an ugly and overweight man trying to bag 8s and 9s, then yeah, definitely lower your standards.
You shouldn’t lower your standards but you should be at your standards if you want to attract such a person. Obviously everyone wants the best but good luck bagging a 9 if you’re not even half that yourself.
As a hot girl with money who dates average looking broke guys (because I don’t care about looks or money very much), average to unattractive men and broke men still play people too lol. Like just because someone is less physically attractive or broke doesn’t mean they will love and worship you lol. I’ve met more unattractive and broke players than I’ve met hot or wealthy players, because the latter usually don’t need to lie or lead people on to hookup lol. So lol
Happy fapping!
“ I want me a woman”…yep, time to lower your expectations to meet what you bring to the table. Either that, or increase what you bring to the table dramatically. Well matched couples stand the test of time.
How old are you? Need to make this longer or it will be removed. Just curious your age with the current mindset as I personally deal with this question but perhaps I’m settling with my current partner. Too much arguing
Dude, you don’t have to lower your standard.
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You just have to become the best version of yourself to maximize the girls you can get.
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– Become richer
– Become bolder
– Become more fit
– Become more social
– Increase your leadership skill
– Take care of yourself
– Never stop evolving
– Becomes what girls wan’t you to be
You sound likes real catch. Good luck with all that
Stupid assholes don’t realize that everyone taking their bullshit advice of « lowering their standards » has currently led to this fucked up dating market.
People don’t seem to understand standards aren’t conscious. You can’t go up to someone who doesn’t like carrots and say « lower your standards and like them. » My brain didn’t choose who it wants to find attractive. It wasn’t like one day I decided that a person of X physical type and Y values is who will give me sexual and emotional happiness in the same way I didn’t choose whether or not to feel pleasure from eating carrots.
There is no such thing as aiming too high, anyone who tells you that will never get what they genuinely want in life. SOOOOO many people have told me that because I’m a single Mom I have to lower my standards, but why the hell would I?!?!? The bottom line is, I am happy on my own without someone unless they meet my standards. And that is what it is! You will get what you want eventually. Work on loving yourself and being happy on your own for now! That way you will never settle.
Don’t lower your standards if you can’t convince yourself they’re unrealistic to start with. If your standard is:
He has to be 6’4″, blonde, and a concert violinist.
You might want to expand your horizons.
More than likely, your standards are more like… nice, interested, funny, sexy, interesting… whatever, if that’s anything like your standards then no, don’t lower them.
Bottom line: you are the most qualified person to say what you want. *If you have reasonable standards it means you know what you want,* and that puts you ahead of so many other people.
The same people who tell you things like « OMG your standards are too high, clearly you just want a supermodel partner, you should aim lower, that’s why you don’t have a partner! » would also say « OMG you would just go for anybody who would date you and just want a partner for the sake of it; they can sense your desperation, that’s why you don’t have a partner! » if you *did* lower your standards.
I feel it. The key to this is being okay with being single. As long as you’re okay being single until and unless you find someone who meets your standards you’re good. The problem only comes in when you have high standards but constantly complain about being single. I’m the same way as you, best of luck!
You shouldn’t lower your standards. Just realize that beautiful women are basically out of reach for 80% of men. If you are within the bottom 80% then you are going to have to be extremely patient and persistent to land a really beautiful women, and there’s a good chance you won’t be able to keep her.
My most recent example for instance was a date I went on last night. Some perspective, I’m 5’10 », 2 degrees, great job, fit, have a lot going for me and I’m not half bad looking. She was super into me (we met on a dating app). She was saying how she felt a strong connection and wanted to meet. She invited me to her place. I got there, we talked, it got late and I was going to leave and she stood up to tell me she isn’t feeling it. She mentioned I wasn’t the typical kind of guy she dated, as she’s into tall guys.
***Tall guys.***
That isn’t a big deal. I’m into curves or fit girls, yet overweight women contact me constantly. I don’t mind if someone has a preference, but the higher value the person is, the more impossible their expectations become, and the only quantifier of value for a woman is how hot she is. I didn’t invent that, it’s objectively accurate. The psychology proves it. Men are only interested in beauty. So long as she’s not insufferable, a man can fall in love easily with a beautiful women.
But it gets ridiculous because women have been measured to undervalue the attractiveness of men. A study done on OK Cupid for instance showed something along the lines of (I am trying to recall this off the top of my head, but you can Google it) 70% of all men listed as below average in physical attractiveness, while men rated women on a scale that curved appropriately to the population of women.
All beautiful women want these things:
6′ or taller.
Fit and muscular.
High-paying job.
Travels.
Masculine, handsome, very attractive facial features.
Has your life together.
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If that isn’t you, you probably fall into the bottom 80% of men who will have a hard time trying to attract a 7/10. I’ve dated some very attractive women in the past 2 years, but I have also probably dated over 60 girls, and none of them have worked out, and most of them haven’t been very attractive, but I can tell you that the most attractive ones are by far the hardest to please. I would say that almost every very attractive girl I have dated besides maybe one had standards so high I have no idea how she’s going to find them.
I mean on height alone, only 12% of men in the US are over 6 feet tall. Now if she wants him to be really handsome, have an education, and make a good income, she’s competing with all other 7/10 – 10/10 girls for the same 4% of the male population.
It seemed to me that roping all of your future decisions and assets to another human being would warrant an in-depth screening beforehand, but when I grew up I found out that no one actually cares.
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I’m totally with you on this one brother!
Don’t lower your standards for society. Fuck them. If you want a hot girlfriend or boyfriend, I don’t care. That’s on you. Will it limit your search? Yeah! But the minute you lower your standards, how long till you get a burger from a place and it’s ice cold and the cheese looks sloppy and you go « eh. It could be worse. »
I’ve been told « Don’t fat shame! » I’m not going to, but what I will say is that I’m not going date a girl who is twice if not 2 1/2 my size IF NOT BIGGER. I’m normally an active guy. I love running around. I love being out and about, going to the mall, going to events, hanging out and doing my Postmates runs. I’m trying to stay healthy. Sure, am I a bit flabby? Yeah. I’m not FAT but I’m not SKINNY as a rail. I’ve got a bit of belly fat myself.
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Anyways, my point is that I want a girl that is skinny as me or at least around it. I don’t expect everyone to be like me or even close. I’ve told people that I want a normal size person. someone who matches their ideal height and weight ya know? If I looked at you and go « you look good » then yeah.
Women naturally have bigger thighs because birthen, so that’s fine.
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I might come off as an asshole but I know what I want. I don’t want to wake up, and my gf is like « can we goto Ihop and order 3 things and I eat them all and then gain 20 pounds? » No….
So my point is, that you’re allowed to have your own standards no matter what. Whatever you do and don’t find attractive.
>I want me a woman that will treat me with geniune kindness and respect someone to chill and hang out with and will dominate me silly in the bedroom?
The domination part might be hard to find. If you want a woman like that, you’d probably have to pay for it. I’ve never come across a woman who is happy to dominate men for free – all the ones I came across charge a pretty hefty hourly price for that.
As for your other requirements, it’s difficult to find a woman like that these days. Women are taught that they are equals to men and that they don’t owe men anything. Treating someone with kindness and respect is basically seen as owing a man something, which they believe he doesn’t deserve.
Literally I don’t remember a time when a woman has ever treated me with respect (unless she was in a paid professional job which required her to treat everyone with respect). A decent number of men treat me with respect – not all, but I’d say half of men I come across on a daily basis are polite and respectful to me. Women just aren’t like that at all.
So yeah, it’s gonna be tough. Best advice I can give is become hot and high value. Women may not treat you with respect, but at least they will desire you.
I am still saying that aiming at the 5% around where you are is best. Close in looks, income, personality, values.
But I also say hold out for what you want!
Anyone who tells you to lower your standards is doing you a disservice, never settle for less than anything that makes you happy. That being said, you sound like a piece of work, make sure you are putting the best version of yourself out there. People aren’t going to line up at your door if this online tantrum is any indication of what you’re like in real life.