Dating : Taking the lead for the first time with a guy..!
I (F 24) matched with a guy (M 26) on tinder and we chatted most of the weekend (I was at home sick). He said a few times ‘let me know if you need anything’ etc. I stayed home from work on Monday, and again he offered to bring me chocolate and tea, and suggested we could watch a movie – I accepted. I said ‘are you sure I don’t want to get you sick’ etc but he apparently didn’t mind.
I wasn’t 100% sure of his intentions, being tinder and all, but it didn’t seem like he was looking for just a hook up – despite the slightly ‘netflix and chill’ plans (would love opinions).
Anyway, he comes over and we chat for a couple of hours, he’s nice and the conversation flows. We watch a full movie and chatted throughout – he doesn’t make a move. I did a very smooth ‘wow it’s cold’ during the movie which didn’t prompt a ‘let me help you with that’. We hug goodbye.
He starts messaging me pretty soon after. Thanks me for the movie and said ‘sorry, I should’ve cuddled you when you said it was cold’ (see I am smooth lol). He said he was nervous about where cuddling might lead and also just cuddling. He said he hasn’t dated in a year since he split with his ex, hence the nerves, ‘but really likes doing things’ (lol) with the right person. He said I should take the lead and that he would like to cuddle. All of the above came from me asking questions i.e. I did try for open communication even though I suck at it.
Problem/please give advice around initiating:
I’ve only felt ready/open to dating in the last year or so and I generally don’t initiate. I always go for assertive guys who take the lead. I have always been quite nervous around dating and sex. My first experience was awful – since then I’ve just simply avoided dating, other than when I come across a really assertive guy that will just pursue and take charge so much that I end up giving in. Partly I find this hot, mostly it just takes all the pressure off me – I don’t have to go out on a limb, there’s no danger of me doing the wrong thing and being embarrassed, no chance of rejection. What are some ways I can start being more comfortable initiating?
Based on the above, do you think this guy is wanting to do more than cuddle at this point? I don’t want to make him uncomfortable at all, but since he’s asked me to take the lead, I also don’t want to go too slow and bore him to death.
We’re going to hang out again tonight – I’m going to suggest we get a drink first so it’s slightly less awks and less Netflix and chill-y. We’ll probably watch a movie after and I’m just flat out going to ask if we can cuddle, since he said he wants to but is also nervous about it. But should I attempt more/is he expecting me to attempt more?
I have never initiated a kiss either… Lord help me. I’m also wondering about this guys experience level- is it possible he’s a virgin? He is really nice to look at and I just can’t work out why he’s so nervous… PS I absolutely haven’t been cracking on to him or doing anything conceivably to make him nervous. And then I’m also wondering if he’s still a classic guy – nervous but still only wants to hook up once he’s found the courage.
Sorry for the ramble 馃檪
Musings/summary:
– help initiating for the first time
– is this guy still just looking for a hook up?
– should I try to transition from cuddling to more?
– how can I help this guy feel more comfortable?
– I myself am rather inexperience and am uncomfortable dating on the best of days
– he hasn’t said he wants to take things slow, just that he’s nervous. He said he likes doing things with the right person – not sure how one determines that.
– he was the one to initiate us meeting, again because I hate dating/first dates/the unknown – he persisted so that we’d meet.
