Dating : Thank You to the guys who do this while dating. [gratitude list]
I’ve been pretty negative as of late, but I wanted to write a post on all the great things that guys are doing while dating.
1.) I really love it when you set up a date and then tell me you have somewhere to be in a couple hours. This way, I’m free to have fun without feeling like if I smile too much, I’m inadvertently inviting you back to my place or obligated to have sex. (I know I don’t have to, but this just makes it so much more comfortable)
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2.) Thank you for complimenting me on something other than my looks. It sounds really vain, but if you’re a little bit pretty, that’s all guys tell you. It sometimes feels like the rest of me doesn’t matter. But when guys tell me I’m funny or a great conversationalist, I feel like they really like Me (and not a temporary thing that makes me lucky).
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3.) Thank you for asking questions. I so appreciate someone who is interested in me and not just what I can do for them. I always notice even if I don’t say much.
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4.) Thank you for not giving me all the power. I love it when guys are confident enough to argue a little bit. I don’t want to feel as if you think I could break over the slightest ‘no’. I like a little bit of teasing. It makes me feel more equal.
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5.) Thank you for meeting me at a place that’s accessible to both of us. I love being able to rely on myself and this is just one of those nice little things that men sometimes do to make me feel more comfortable.
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Dating can be really tough and it’s easy to get down by the whole process. I truly am appreciative of the efforts. Even if I don’t say them out loud, I think about them and I remember them. (and I write them down here)
>1.) I really love it when you set up a date and then tell me you have somewhere to be in a couple hours. This way, I’m free to have fun without feeling like if I smile too much, I’m inadvertently inviting you back to my place or obligated to have sex. (I know I don’t have to, but this just makes it so much more comfortable)
Hmmm this is tough as a guy. I like to schedule a date after work hours most of the time. You don’t think it would be weird if « I have things to do » at, let’s say 9-10 pm? Also this can sound like I’m trying to rush the date or I’m being pushy. I can see some women would take this the wrong way. But I’ll think about this.
2. I like to mix it up. So sometimes I’ll be like « I like that shirt » « I like your nails » if I really do like your shirt or nails of course lol. I like to pick something that maybe most guys won’t.
Number 4 is so important to me! Nothing worse being on a date with a guy who agrees with EVERYTHING you say. Or on the other end, committed to proving you’re wrong. I love banter. I like seeing his perspective and showing him mine. A healthy debate is always a good sign in my book
If i followed rule #1 it’d go down like: “uh hey there’s a new episode of my favorite anime tonight and my cat definitely misses me so i gotta go right after…”
Agree with most of this except #1, if a guy said that to me I would definitely feel a little weird about it. It could almost sound like he’s straight up telling you he has more important things to do later if that makes sense
Number 4 is SO underrated! People who seem to have no opinion anything are so BORING. I like when people are smart and thoughtful. I like having debates and discussing different ideas. Banter is essential to chemistry in my world.
I…. never knew #1 was a thing
I agree with all of this except no 1. I always block out the whole evening for a date so if a guy immediately told me that he had to go in two hours I’d be thinking that he thought I didn’t match my photos and believing that he has already decided not to see me again it’s going to be hard to stay in a positive mood.
I usually schedule first dates at 8 or 8:30. That way we can chat for a couple of hours and then head home. It gives an unofficial end time to the date so we’re on the same page expectation-wise.
Can you clarify the accessibility piece? Do you mean this in the « capabilities » sense or are you talking about tastes, or preferences on what you like to do socially? If the latter…tips on this would be really interesting to hear…please and thanks:)
We make dating so much harder on ourselves that it needs to be. I absolutely hate shit like this:
> 1.) I really love it when you set up a date and then tell me you have somewhere to be in a couple hours. This way, I’m free to have fun without feeling like if I smile too much, I’m inadvertently inviting you back to my place or obligated to have sex. (I know I don’t have to, but this just makes it so much more comfortable)
Why is it so hard for people to just be open and communicate effectively with each other? Why does someone need to pretend about something to artificially set up barriers? If I’m going on a date the person is obviously entitled to leave at any time (and so am I) the only people keeping us there are ourselves. So why set up a situation where if you’re enjoying yourselves and want to stay longer nope now I have to go to my « plans » so that you didn’t feel obligated to fuck me? I mean come the fuck on.
Let’s be grown ups here. Yes there are some shit men out there that take every single little smile or touch as a promissory note for sex, but ignoring the root behaviour and hiding it behind these types of games actually reinforces the problem rather than solve it. Anyone that thinks you’re inviting them back to your place or are going to sleep with them because you smiled too much isn’t worth dating.
Enough with this shit. Enough with the don’t text too fast. Don’t show too much interest. Set up fake plans so I don’t feel trapped. We’re literally making it impossible to tell what any of us actually want out of this. Everything is a tight rope walk.
The rest of those are all fantastic and more guys should take not of them. But that first one… man that just frustrates me. I don’t know wtf happened or at which point people lost the ability to say « I’m not really having a good time, I hope you enjoy the rest of your night » but it’s out of control at this point.
I especially agree with commenting about things other than looks. Just had a guy say about how intellectual I was. It was really nice
One time I was on a date at a really nice restaurant with a guy and he spilled his drink all over himself intentionally to make me feel more comfortable because I told him I was clumsy. Cute but that was the only redeeming quality of that man. (ŏ﹏ŏ)
THIS POST RIGHT HERE! 100% agree as a girl.
Yes to number 3! I’m always looking out for that too.
Furiously scribbling note to self…..
Pal, me too
Um, you’re getting a lot of negative comments on #1 but I just want to say that I super agree with this. I always do this actually. The majority of dates don’t go so well that you want to keep it going longer than an hour or two, but I also don’t want to be rude and say that I’m leaving because I’m just not interested. I mean…ouch. And even if DOES go well…it’s always good to leave them wanting more. And if it goes REALLY well…you can always say fuck it, I lied, let’s go home and fuck each others brains out. I mean, right? There’s no harm in setting up boundaries with a complete stranger the first time you meet them, and anyone who takes issue with that isn’t someone I want to be dating.
Noted. Lol.
this sounds like it is written by someone who is extremely self centered and only cares about what the other party does for them and not what they offer in return. guy has to do everything perfect and can’t even mess up one little detail, and the girl is already exceeding expectations just for showing up. fuck this shit. that’s why i gave up on dating.
Thank you for the gratitude list so that I am able to learn how women think 🙂
Would it work to just be open about number one? I’m not a bad liar, but I don’t like it.
Hey girl you okay? what’s your job? wow, it’s great that you do that! you fucking do it wrong tho, you have no power there.
i have to be at somewhere at 21 so would you like to go out with me at that coffee shop close to your place?
nailed it.
before i get super downvoted, it’s a joke )(
Evaluate yourself first.
Just a question. Would you date a guy under 5’5? If not, why?
Sounds like you’re describing a date you just had. Too many « dear diary » type posts by women on this subreddit, who are basically just voicing out loud their opinions on one particular man, but wording it as if they are blaming all men.