Dating : Theory: For men, once you pass a certain OBJECTIVE « image/looks » threshold, your dating success will skyrocket
So this is an « unpopular opinion » post that goes completely agains the grain of thoughts like « well, I was not physically attracted to him, but his personality is amazing », or even posts around the fact that looks are subjective.
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I still think those things are perfectly valid, but this strips things down to a probability standpoint. basically, what I am saying is that people sometimes ignore their looks to work on charisma/personality (because they are told that is what matters), when if they REALLY REALLY worked on their looks and got to the « threshold » that is required to be objectively attractive, their success would skyrocket (given they have confidence as well).
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they say looks are « subjective », but have you ever seen a guy (as a guy) and thought « huh, something about that guy is very attractive ». its probably a combination of the way he dresses, his grooming, his raw looks, and the way he carries himself. its your « audition » image. its what gets you « in the door ». but the thing is, you see a guy like this and you just KNOW IT. you know that « this guy fucks »….. Women know it too as well. you need to get to this point, somehow, if you can. The factors that « elevate » men to this level can vary from person to person. maybe a guy works out, gets a nice haircut, but still isn’t quite « there », until he dresses a certain way. or maybe another guy dresses well, gets in better shape, but isnt quite there…until he grooms his facial hair in the right away. you need to find what works for you.
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Men that I know that fit this bill often have a plethora of continuous options and women after them, given that they have NORMAL social skills. this is the kicker, if you have the right « image », you can just talk like a normal human being and your image will do the work for you.
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It is my belief that around 50% of men can achieve this threshold through self improvement. I say 50% because you need to consider the fact that things like height and race are dealbreakers to women and these men will rarely get to this « threshold », even if they improve. Have any of you seen those « guy makeover » shows where they take disheveled men and literally just give them new haircuts/good style/grooming and suddenly they are « attractive ». Imagine if you did this PLUS you got in way better shape, worked on walking with more confidence/etc.
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TL;DR. I feel like we focus too much on personality. you should maximize your image (raw looks, dress, physique, the way you carry yourself) in order to reach that point where your image makes things very easy. this + normal social skills = success.
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Thoughts?
100% you are absolutely correct and the threshold is usually white with height around 5’9″ if you have a 7+/10 face or are rich or a height of 5’10″+ if you have s 5+10 face. If you cross that line most girls are willing to give you a chance. But most of us can’t ever be that.
The guys I know who are very successful with women do NOT have exceptional personalities. Many have awful personslities. They just have the winning triad: tall, white, and handsome which is provably the most important thing to women by just testing different profiles online.
Looks will definitely get you through the door (i.e. a match) and most certainly an interview (i.e. a date) but personality is what will let you keep the job.
Tldr: rule 1 and 2
I guess we all need to use whatever cards we were given. I give you some examples from my college.
One of my classmates from college was really good looking guy. Dude got attention from girs 24/7, even though his personality was – no offence – really uninteresting. I mean his favorite movies were like Pirrates of Caribbean and his favorite book was mexican restaurant menu lol. He had generic opinions, generic hobbies, he was not funny, not charming, there was nothing unique about him whatsoever.
But he had the looks and he always got the girls. Sometimes I wondered how these girls fell in love with him…One thing is fling, another is relationship. But I guess he just found equally uninteresting girls.
And then I had another friend. Not really good looking, but super funny, super charming, dude could make a corpse laugh. He still got plenty of attention from girls, because he was so cool – so he definitely got laid a lot, but truth is these girls were rarely hot. So in certain way you are right – unless you reach certain threshold in look, you can have charisma of Morgan Freeman and you still wont get a hot girl. Thats unfortunate truth. Looks matters for women as much as it matters for men.
I think as a man, to have dating on easy mode you need to either be super hot (and then personality doesnt matter), or at least decent looking & really charming. Anything less, and you are gonna struggle, basically like 80% guys. Which means looks >>> personality. Personality matters, but much less than look and women are no exceptions – they are not less visual than men.
Looks get you laid. Personality a relationship.
It’s all relative to your situation and what you’re looking to get out of a relationship.
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I’m a swarthy, stoner-rocker and %95 of women are completely turned off by that. (they think anyone with black hair and non yuppie clothes is native American and there is heavy prejudice towards them here)
In my case I need to move to a more cultured place, not change my appearance.
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and frankly I do think personality is more important, the biggest « Casanovas » i knew were medium height rather ugly white boys who were super slick talkers and absolute status quo in their appearance and interests.
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though regardless of any specifics you are definitely right in saying
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» TL;DR. I feel like we focus too much on personality. you should maximize your image (raw looks, dress, physique, the way you carry yourself) in order to reach that point where your image makes things very easy. this + normal social skills = success. «
I’m 33m white 6’2 », I fluctuate between 230-235, I can deadlift twice my body weight. So, I’m tall, muscular, and lean. I make 6 figures in the telecom industry. I dress like a personal trainer and talk like a businessman.
I have to fight and claw and bite my way to ANY women, over the last 5 years I’ve been with maybe 5 women, swiping and going out constantly.
When it comes to looks, women are more impressed by face, hair, height than anything. If you have a look that suits you and you wear it confidently, then you’re fine.
Socially, I do quite well, I can walk up to a table of strangers and have them laughing in minutes. Unfortunately, that table of women happened to all be married, but my social skills aren’t holding me back.
What’s holding me back? Women aren’t looking for men really. When they go out to a bar with their friends, they’re going out to drink and listen to the music / bullshit. Imagine if you were playing video games with your boys and some girl came up and started trying to hit on you, especially while y’all are trying to focus.
Guys MASSSSIVELY over estimate how much women actually want men, and how horny they are. Trust me, women can go years and years without sex and be just fine, I’ve known several women like that.
Women don’t look at a guy and think, omg his muscles are fucking hot, damn I bet his dick is big, like fuck I hope he talks to me…
They take 1 look at you and all they think is, that guy must be dumb as fuck, probably spends more time in the gym and mirror than anything, tool.
Ever wonder how women can just cut you to the core with their words in a bad break up? Because, that’s what they actually think of you lol. Women are innately blessed with the ability to see every single flaw, every little thing that makes you imperfect.
So, no, the only thing that will take you from no real attention to bus full of hoes level attention is celebrity status / wealth, that’s it, even if you’re a male model you’re not going to have that level of attention, you’ll still do just fine, but women want fame and fortune.