Dating : Thinking about the time wasted is sickening
I spent about six years dating quite a bit with exactly zero return on investment. This went from last year of high school, through college, and one year into the work force. When I think back on all of the time spent and absolutely wasted, it makes me want to vomit. I could have done *so many* other things with that time. Instead, it was spent on dating apps, either getting rejected or going on a bad date or two, or something along those lines. I put a ton of effort into making my life as interesting and varied as possible, and as a result I’ve come to really value my time more than anything else.
Everything from personal projects to rock climbing, drone racing and archery on the weekends, a kick-ass job and some great friends, I love my life and what I’ve done with it. The sum of it all gives me great confidence and just feels good. I’ve been « clean » from dating for about four months now and feel a lot better personally, like overcoming a depressive force. But what nags me is still looking back on everything and seeing not only how utterly futile it was but wanting that time back so badly.
/rant
Its probably seen as wasted time because you changed your life to suit other people. You should have been doing those thing because you wanted to for you, and if someone came along then great.
You changed and did things only for other people. I would be disappointed if i did that too.
It wasn’t wasted, trust me. You have dating experience, and you know more now what you want and you don’t want in a healthy relationship.
>When I think back on all of the time spent and absolutely wasted, it makes me want to vomit. I could have done *so many* other things with that time.
This is just a learning lesson. Don’t do that moving forward. Do the « so many other things » that you wanted to do.
>Instead, it was spent on dating apps, either getting rejected or going on a bad date or two, or something along those lines. I put a ton of effort into making my life as interesting and varied as possible, and as a result I’ve come to really value my time more than anything else.
This is…a good thing. Now you know what not to do.
>Everything from personal projects to rock climbing, drone racing and archery on the weekends, a kick-ass job and some great friends, I love my life and what I’ve done with it. The sum of it all gives me great confidence and just feels good. I’ve been « clean » from dating for about four months now and feel a lot better personally, like overcoming a depressive force.
Again, this is great. Its what was supposed to happen.
>But what nags me is still looking back on everything and seeing not only how utterly futile it was but wanting that time back so badly.
There’s nothing more depressing than going out of your way to think about the past and feeling bad about it. Seriously. The time spent is what lead you to now. Give yourself some credit lol
It wasn’t wasted. Relationship experience is never wasted. You’re a better wiser person. One day it’s going to pay off.
Me too. Getting caught in the dating ‘scene’ (apps and sites) was like getting stuck in a murky bog of depression, self-esteem and confidence eroded by every ghost…
I *think* I’ve got a good balance now of doing my own thing on the one hand, and still being open to meeting someone IRL on the other. In any case, enjoying life a lot more since I kicked the apps. I think they’re pretty toxic for everyone involved.
Dating apps are trash. It’s very rare to find someone of quality there, as the worst ones often return to them time and time again. It’s like a saying around my home town: « the good get out ».
I’m sure you have learned a lot from your experiences. Hopefully you use that to be more selective on who you engage with (I pass often and quickly). I’m not really dating you’ve been acting desperate – BUT – if you’re coming from a place of contentment in your interactions with women, you certainly won’t spend one second longer than you need to to determine compatibility. I personally have a lot of sex with women I didn’t meet on dating sites. In fact none of the people I met on dating sites were quality companions for a relationship *or* sex – it has been largely a waste of time.
So I say go for the people that *aren’t* on these apps. There are quite a few. And ironically, now that I’ve pretty much stopped using them in any advice sense of the word, the matches roll in twice as much as before. Maybe it’s that I’m not noticing them and it just seems that way, or maybe the universe just operates in a way that winners win more. Who knows! All I know is my sex & dating life has improved quite a bit since I stopped focusing on them and started focusing on me (what I want, what I don’t, and where I’ll/how to get what *I* want). Instead of trying to find someone, try simply interacting with people. When the initial goal is always just to chat, opportunities multiply instead of diminish.
The serial nature of dating isn’t going anywhere… I recommend spending your 20’s doing something that fulfills you as an individual.
Op, I agree with you that dating apps are mostly a waste of time. However, your experience on those apps will help you *immensely* if you step out and start dating women you meet in the real world.
I did the online dating for a couple years. Went on maybe 50-60 first dates, messaged thousands of women, etc…and all it got me was a couple of short-lived relationships.
But when I started dating women I met in real life, I noticed something. I didn’t feel nervous *at all* before a first date because I’d gone on a million first dates with girls from dating apps. I felt comfortable asking women out in person because I’d done it a zillion times on apps. I didn’t put women on a pedestal *at all* because online dating taught me to expect nothing. I had no problem escalating to a first kiss *at all* because I’d already done it repeatedly with tinder dates that fizzled out after a week.
In short, I felt confident with the dating process because I’d been doing it for years.
But here’s the difference: a female acquaintance who knows you and trusts you is far more likely to give you a fair shot vs some random chick from tinder. You’re not just another swipe – you’re someone they already *know*.
You’re probably sick of dating and I get that. I’m not saying you need to rush out and ask out every woman you meet. Just live your life, make an effort to put yourself around new people, and then ask women out when you happen to meet one you like. And when do end up going out with a woman, you can feel confident in the knowledge that you’ve probably done this a hell of a lot more than she has. There’s power in that.
Ok
Still couldn’t snag a girl..ಥ_ಥ
You interpret it as wasted time but its not really.
The real wasted time is us all spending the best years of our lives overworking for some billionaire.
Revolution now!
Yep, this is the result of female hypergamy
This is the way of things here in the US. Dating has been reduced to futily swiping on an app, and if you do actually try to reach out to someone, you’re ignored. It’s much better to just do the things you want to do, with your friends, go where you want, when you want.