Dating : Topic: Rejecting / being rejected
Okay, so I want to get some feedback on this because I hate how people have rejected me in the past and I am currently in a situation where I rejected someone.
Okay, so in the past, I have been ghosted which sucks. A couple of people have said something like « hey, I’m really busy right now with life and I am flattered that you would ask me out but I just can’t think about dating right now »
The second one wasn’t bad, I understood and tried to hang out with them more as friends but what SUCKED was when they got into a relationship shortly after telling me this. The problem with this method is that you are giving them hope for a future time that you may be available or leading them on, it also sucks because when you get into a relationship they can get upset with you because you weren’t too busy to get in a relationship with THAT person. This leaves you to have so many questions, do they not like me? Were they really just busy?
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I have always been on the side of getting rejected rather than rejecting which leads me to my part. I got asked out to coffee to get to know a girl better over facebook messenger. First off, terrible way to ask someone out IMO but that’s beside the point. I’ve only talked to this girl maybe twice in my life and it was so random. Secondly, I am not attracted to her and even though she’s a nice girl, I don’t want her to think I like her but I also don’t want to be a jerk.
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Instead of giving her hope by saying, hey I’m busy right now sorry, I told her I appreciated that she asked me but was simply not interested. I apologized and again thanked her for asking me.
Is this a douche move? I feel like being upfront and honest sure, hurts at first but in the end, she won’t be led on and won’t have questions later on because I stopped it right away.
What are your thoughts?
I’m glad that you weren’t desperate enough to go out on date with her just because you were rejected in the past.
But if I were you, then I’d just keep trying. Try online dating, dating apps, etc. If you really want someone in your life, then you should never stop trying.
How bad do you want it?
It’s not a douche move, you handled it well. I think as guys we don’t have much experience rejecting women so it feels awfully uncomfortable when we’re put in that position (women have the opposite problem; they’re not as used to being rejected as men are).
A girl who I had no interest in in high school just flat out told me before class one day that she thought I was hot, I said thanks and went on my way. Us guys are not used to doing the rejecting
I think honesty is the best policy. I got rejected by a girl I went on 3 dates with and she ended things over text the following day of the last date, I moved on the fastest because it was a clear rejection and I know what went wrong. I think on the other end of the spectrum, my worst rejection was a girl telling me that she was too busy with life right now to date and just ghosted me after going on 2 dates with me. It hurt the most because the way she phrased it made me think she was still interested in dating, but just couldn’t find time in her busy schedule so I kept on trying to schedule dates and she always had something. I kept texting her despite the fact that I was always the one texting first and she was obviously not that interested, hoping that she would eventually change her mind and agree to go on a date but at one point she left me on « seen » and I decided to move on.
I think you handled it just right. If I got that from a guy I just tell myself it’s his loss and move on.
I appreciate you being sensitive to her feelings, that’s really awesome. Not many guys care. But even speaking for myself, (and I’m like you, I hate ghosting them or just being rude, especially when they are a kind, sweet person, they’re just not your type) we can only be so nice and try so hard.
Dating just sucks. Flat out. I’ve had to grow quite a thick skin for online dating. I had to realize everyone has a type, including me.
And it just is what it is. We can’t be responsible for everyone’s feelings. We can be nice, like you were but can’t lose sleep over it.
I think some guys think I’m kidding when I tell them I’m not interested because by, I guess, society’s standards they are a 10 but I’m just not interested or attracted.
I’m a true sapiosexual. I also happen to think Jack Black is hot.
In the end, be the best possible version of you that you can be. And you sound like a good guy.
Who else read this in Sheldon’s voice?