Dating : Unique situation.. want opinions
Using a throwaway as not sure if anyone I know might read this.
Bear with the detail as need it to give full picture of why I’m in the situation I’m in.
So..32 yr old male who hasn’t had a relationship (been a quite a few dates, but nothing past second dates).
Grew up as only child, diagnosed at 8yr old with mild learning difficulties (language and reading/writing comprehension difficulties), which made school and social situations-very difficult (not able to understand sarcasm, took everything to heart, bullied heavily).
The LD made me mature very early as I had to make tough choice on working way harder than everyone else to just pass (same effort as someone aiming for A+) or fail early on. I was also heavily motivated since I saw the financial struggle my parents went through to get my into a private school to address my LD, and wasn’t going to waste this shot. I mean most kids with LD don’t get that opportunity and battle with no support.
As result of this, have battled self esteem problems (never felt smart, always comparing to A + kids, now tie lots of self esteem to job title, career) and depression a few times since didn’t feel « normal ». When everyone in late high school was hooking up, drinking, drugs, partying.. I was home studying and wanted more than anything a brighter future.
Got to Uni, made lots of genuine friends but no dates or more (I mean women could have been hitting on me at clubs/house parties etc but I would have needed neon signs on her saying « IM INTO YOU/ INTERESTED » for me to pick up on this lol).
Battled major depressive episode when my Mum got sick and died during my last semester of uni. Depression set in due to never getting to say goodbye, say sorry for blaming her for my learning issues. However worked through this and moved forward. Has been hard not having a Mum to talk about this with over the years.
I’ve been putting too much focus into career etc to build my self esteem around but realising I can’t base it on something which could be taken away from me at any minute. I’m also embarrassed that I’m not as experienced as most my age. It does cross my mind dates will laugh about my lack of experience.
Dating has only got to date 2 mostly. It hasn’t been too easy as I don’t want kids, so makes the dating pool quite small. I don’t want kids as I’m frightened of possibility my child having LD issues and to suffer like I did. I also don’t think I could date someone who has children since I don’t think I could have the energy to invest.
So to sum up: All above is why I lack experience. I actively manage my LD, and I am actively focusing on not letting career be my entire self worth anymore, hit the gym, get out more with friends, and rediscover my hobbies/interests.
How do I approach the lack of experience when it will be evident? Or better yet, not let it get to me so I can relax and not let It ruin dates.
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