Dating : Who came up with the three date “rule”?
It’s always amazed me that people can/do have sex by the third date. I’m a man and I have never moved that fast. I realize there are hookups/one night stands, but I’m talking about dating while looking for a relationship.
I’ve done some googling and most of the sites analyzing the “rule” in terms of why you shouldn’t have sex earlier than that, but my question comes from the other side. Should you really be moving that fast? I’m lucky if I get to making my first move by the third date. Have I been doing it wrong? Obviously the answer is to have sex when you’re both ready, but I guess I’ve just never been in a situation where I felt ready that soon.
The only 3 dates rule that I know is this,
« If she hasn’t kissed you by the 3rd date, she’s there for free food ».
Honestly just read the feel of the date. Dont keep a rule in mind just follow the vibe. I would say that 3 is more of an average than a rule overall.
Yeah, I am totally the same way – not to say that I could never have sex with someone that fast, but the vast majority of the time it takes longer than that to feel like it’s the right time to be intimate with someone. I guess I kind of like to get the know the person and start to develop some feelings before jumping into it – that’s just what feels natural for me.
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It’s really refreshing to hear a dude feel the same way… It’s frustrating dating and feeling like I’m super conservative when I don’t really view myself that way and am not living by any hard « rules », just what feels right to me…
I feel like girls that put such a pedestal on sex and are waiting until a month+ to give sex, likely don’t have much else to offer. Sex shouldn’t be this holy Grail that is the end all and be all of dating. The most important part of any beginning relationship is the connection/compatibility. This can come whether you have sex on the first date or the 5th date.
I dont think theres anything wrong with it. People for the most part do not understand how monumentally important sexual compatibility is in a relationship. Its akin to wanting children or wanting to travel internationally theres no way to reconcile that and its better to find out sooner than later.
If you both are vibing and getting along good, then I would say you just go for it when the mood is there. No need to wait if both partners want to have sex.
Im dating this girl and in the second date we had sex, because we both liked each other
Before losing my virginity I wanted to wait half a year before sleeping with my partner but now I’m good doing it about a month in or so, depends on the partner too.
The three date rule can be pretty good for testing intamacy that doesn’t involve sex like kissing or some fetish stuff (though usually that stuff comes up after you’re exclusive) Or whatnot. Having outright sex after barely knowing a person bothers me, and yes im a guy too 22M
I like that a man likes to wait longer 🙂
The problem for me is that I live with my parents, 3 date rule implies they have to meet my parents if they want to have sex at my house.
Half my first dates end up in sex, the other half not. Interestingly, it’s usually the former that I end up seeing again, since it implies some form of chemistry.
I don’t abide by this rule at all. I sleep with someone if I trust them and have a good connection. The guy I’m currently dating and I slept together on our first date. So I think it just depends on the people and the situation.
I’m coming up on my very first 3rd date since my divorce next Saturday with a guy who’s straight up blown my damn mind. We’ve only made out just a *teensy* bit, on our second date (more of a prolonged kiss goodbye in the parking lot that got kinda carried away because he was going out of town the next day lol), but we’ve discussed the possibility of sex on our upcoming date.
Thankfully, he’s completely respectful of my sitch with never having had sex with anyone in my life except my ex, and agreed to follow my lead and my pace of comfort with sex/physical intimacy, but since I’m so dang new to this stuff, I want to make sure I find the balance between my own personal level of comfort and expectations with someone like him who’s had more than one partner before and never married…
…dating is weird, folks, I’m just grateful I found a fella who respects the dichotomy of my strong desire to make love and feel safe with someone I feel a connection with and my equally strong anxiety about opening myself up to that level of intimacy and trust with someone who’s not my ex for the first time.
Whoever came up with that « 3rd date rule » malarkey obviously didn’t major in psychology though, everyone’s situation is different and making sex be a normalized expectation by some arbitrary number of dates can literally go fuck themselves
I don’t think you have been doing it wrong by any means. There seems to be a shifting standard for these things and every person is going to have some varying idea of what is normal and comfortable. Generally speaking I feel the same way as you where I would typically wait a few dates before initiating any kind of move just out of respect for a person’s boundaries and comfort, and because I usually don’t feel like the timing is appropriate until there is a connection there. That said, I have been in plenty of scenarios where there is an overwhelming physical attraction or connection and it just sort of happens. It’s better to ignore the rules and do what feels right for you. If a woman is going to draw negative conclusions based on your reserved and respectful behavior then she may not be a good match anyway right?
I have sex on the first date MANY times. Not sure if that has affected me in a bad way. I’ve told girls I am not just in it for sex and that I do want a relationship. I keep in touch with the girls after….but I just do like sex.
Well it doesn’t matter because I wait months to hookup and guys will still wait lol. One of the last guys I waited 7 months and he still eventually told everyone I was an easy slut and didn’t take me seriously, all while pretending to be my bf to my face.
So three dates or thirty dates don’t really make a difference. I think that some people like to do things earlier rather than later to make sure its not obscenely small, that he doesn’t have erectile dysfunction, that he’s not transgender (it happens I swear, it happened to me once and I want bio children so), that he doesn’t have some sort of issue. Literally the men I waited the longest to hookup with (many many months) often did so for a reason, to the point where it was basically non-functional.
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So I think those 2 reasons are why.
All these « rules » aren’t hard set. It’s dependent on the couple so I suggest to not focus so much on the « rules » and do what feels right. Some people feel ready to have sex after the first date and actually have a healthy relationship. Others may wait longer. There’s no right way. If it works for you, then more power to you!
Agreed, OP.