Dating : Why dating frustrates me (27M)…
It’s something that I just can’t figure out. I overthink things and make it worse.
I’m used to everything being logical. For example, I can’t tell you the life expectancy of a Burmese python on the spot but if I ever needed to know this for whatever reason I could Google it and have my answer in five seconds. I can’t do that when I have a problem in relationships. When things aren’t logical, I get lost
Does anyone else feel this way? I just hope I’m not alone
You’re clearly a practical person, A person who doesn’t like mind games or to beat about the bush, Many people are & many people aren’t, You just need to find someone as straight up at you, Who won’t confuse you or mislead you, who shares the same views as you, Or learn to accept & do your best to understand, I hear where you’re coming from or Atleast I hope I do, The maturity levels in people all differ.
You’re right: there’s no logic to it. There’s no logic to life at all. It’s all random fate and chance. And whose vagina you happen to pop out of. Once you accept this, things get a lot easier. Surrender, Dorothy!
So. You can use this to your advantage! Regardless of what anyone tells you, there are patterns (except in the case of the whateverpaths – then chaos/doing the opposite is the pattern). These patterns, while not *logical*, follow ***some*** logic! This is what helps me, and what sounds like you could do to. Here’s my advice:
#1: Study. Study everything about dating & human interaction. One of my favorite things to do is « people-watch » – you’ll learn A *LOT* this way. Another thing I love doing is watching YouTube videos – there are several channels and whatever coaches that give you advice. Take each one with a grain of salt, as everyone has bias, but with enough knowledge you can cross-reference things to come to more valid conclusions. Coach Corey Wayne calls this discrepancy a *knowledge gap* – fill yours with whatever you can.
#2: Pay Attention. Active listening is a mother fucker but it’s a must for successful relationships. When you’re first getting to know someone, you’re also both trying to communicate *how* you communicate; it might be passive-aggressive, forward and direct, avoidant reluctance, or anything in between. Pay attention! Be mindful when you speak (text, or whatever). The other person has no idea what you might say until you say it, so ***make sure*** what you want to communicate is done with the intent to be understood [by this person with possibly a very different way of speaking/seeing the world]. Mindfulness is **huge** here (in other words, don’t just think about what you’ll say but also ***how*** *it will be* ***received*** – a lot of good things go sideways because we open our mouths before we truly think).
#3: Have fun with it! Nobody has all of the answers and people are so diverse – you can turn this into an adventure if you obtain the right mindset. Emotional maturity – or at least emotional *control* – is key to operating successfully. Use your higher brain, not your limbic system, when it congress to chasing girls. A lot of them are not worth the effort for something long-term, but you can always have a little fun with any of them, provided your head’s in the right place. I’m not saying be a world-class asshole, but do understand that some people are only concerned about them and until they prove otherwise, you should be concerned about you. Accomplish your goals by any means comfortable: don’t bend over backwards for anyone, but don’t be afraid to poke and push either. Like it or not, we are kind of « kicking the tires » with dating – better to know if it’s a lemon before you take it off the lot!
G’night folks 🙂