Dating : Why do girls I hit on/ask out oftentimes reject me but when I « don’t try » girls approach me?
It feels to me like I have unwanted success with women if I don’t try… It’s like a reverse hard to get. I thought women liked confident men who approach them and don’t mind asking them out and who don’t care if it does or doesn’t work out.
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I think I’m quite an attractive guy by normal standards: « Dedicated, confident, leadership person, successful, muscular. » People tell me I’m attractive, girls hit on me, but I can’t seem to translate those abilities to attracting the girls I’m interested in.
Because if you don’t try you are not concerned with ‘getting a girl’ or ‘achieving her number’.
Because you are not and thus totally willing to lose the girl if need be you are at your most confident and thus most attractive and honest.
You are willing to make a fool out of yourself, laugh hard at a particulair type of humor, or tell a dirty joke to a girl sitting next to you or hitting the center of the dancefloor with your buddies.. Or telling a girl how passionate you are with a certain move you saw and loved, or <fill in whatever thing you do when you feel 100% relaxed and secure>.
Noticed these are all quite confident moves?
Girls fall for confidence and status. Confidence is like sugar in almost any dish.. It even makes a turd taste decent. It makes your jokes far more impactfull and funny, your stories more interesting to listen to, your fysiology more natural and relaxed and tends to make you yourself a more kind and pleasureable and open person to be with…. For the right kindoff girl.
It will all make you more attractive to a standard level for most girls, but for girls who are into your interests, your humor, etc. Aka your type.. It makes you very attractive.
Now let me say one thing:
There is NOTHING wrong with asking a girl out directly and confidently.. But if you do she has not had the time to even think about you. She has not seen or looked into your personality thus no connection, chemistry or any feeling about you exists.
By asking her out directly from the getgo you force her to make a decision about you, and from what little feeling she has about you (note: not info, feeling!) she will most likely reject you.
Especially if she didn’t really feel a connection or any chemistry after the first date.
Women are not like men, for if they were you would get past the second date and porn would be just as huge of a thing for women as it is for men.
Maybe you’re note their type. Looks or common interest wise. Also type of approach and where you approach matter as well.
Maybe you came on too strong.
Alternatively, maybe you were aiming a little out of your league with the women you hit on while the women who hit on you who you are not attracted to would have been happy to go out with you had you made the approach
Because it’s our nature to flee from that which chases us, and pursue that which flees from us.
And less philosophically, maybe you’re just shit at flirting/spitting game. How do you approach women?
I see. Here’s an article that may help:
https://www.lifehacker.com.au/2017/03/lovehacker-how-can-i-get-past-the-second-date/
It basically says that you might need to inject some excitement into the type of dates you set up. Note especially the paragraph about « The Misattributtion of Arousal. »
(Edit: oops, didn’t reply in the thread)
Human nature
that the point right? Your not getting the right ones, the girls you get pretty determine your sexual market value…so it not as high as you think it is.
Because you try too hard for those that you’re into.
Because you’re not acting desperate, and the girls you’re approaching have low interest in you and the women that approach you have high interest in you. Girls brains think funny, if she sees your busy and not bothering with females. Then you must be a man who’s time is valuable and that directly means you have options. You’re not worried about women because you can get one whenever you want. That’s attractive to women.
It all comes down to this. Your wants, and the wants of the girl you are hitting on/asking out have to be on the same page. This is perfectly illustrated by how you describe your encounters. When you want it, they don’t and when they want it, you don’t. It is a numbers game, at some point, you will meet someone who wants the same thing as you do.