Dating : Why do guys in their mid 20s not want to date or be in a relationship even when they have their life together?
I’m 23 year old female and he’s 25 turning 26 late this coming September. So, I have gone on a date with a guy and we talked a for a month, then he ended it because we weren’t on the same wavelength (I didn’t want to have sex with him right away and he’s very sexual and likes sex). We couldn’t keep our hands to ourselves on that date we had gone on and both us didn’t really want to go home alone, but we did because I wasn’t ready to go home with him and there was nothing fun to do near where we grabbed drinks and it was closer to midnight, most things were closed ( we started our date at 9:30) After a month of ending things, we first started talking again on hinge and first thing he asked was if I had found myself a man yet. We messaged a little back and forth on there. then I texted him and he texted back. We both don’t have bad blood or anything against each other. after I asked him if he was interested in me physically and emotionally like he had told when we had first started talking/situationship, his reply was was “ I don’t want to date” , and later he mentioned we can be friend and hangout, fool around and he would get me if I wanted a good dick or bomb head. He says that he likes me as a person and thinks I’m really nice. I still have some feelings for him and he knows that.
**Please don’t take this part as bragging:**
I know for a fact that I will make the best girlfriend on this planet, if given the chance. I’m not insecure, he doesn’t need to constantly be texting me, I like my freedom and I would gladly respect his too, I cook (real & delicious meals) I’m into sports ( recent college grad with bs in sports management. I was invited to the honors college after my first semester at EIU) I look good! I workout at least 5 times a week (very strong legs – he loved my ass and good arms are defined, just no 6 pack.
Honestly, the best part of this whole post is your self-confidence. Please don’t let his actions (or inactions) about becoming exclusive knock your confidence.
Speaking from experience, in my 20s I had no real interest in relationships because, for lack of a better explanation, humans live to like 80 and I didn’t want to pigeon hole myself in to something I wasn’t really emotionally ready for. I mean your 20s are for enjoying your youth and making mistakes and I wasn’t going to fuck that up. That said, plenty of people get married in their 20s, so everyone is different.
Seems pretty popular among my friends to put off serious relationships as long as possible. Especially the well put together ones. They are too busy having fun, doing their own hobbies, and meeting/dating a variety of girls to want to get locked down when they feel most free. They know they will have a chance to get a good long term SO in the future so why rush when having fun?
To clarify:
1, you had been dating this guy for a month, clearly enjoyed physical contact but didnt wsnt to have sex? How many dates had you gone on in that time? Also why didnt you want to have sex with him?
2, loads of guys do want to have relationships… but if sex and a physical relationship is important to him… he isnt going to want to date someone who doesnt want to have sex with him unless she has a good reason for holding out.
This guy in particular sounds like a tool, but speaking in generally and from my own thinking, (25M) I will say that when I feel like I don’t want to date seriously it’s because of two things. First, a few fun weekends in a row being single will totally kill my mood for wanting to settle down, and that seems to be somewhat of a cycle. When that’s the case I get off the dating apps and stop pursuing anything in that context. Secondly, it takes two, and girls don’t want it either… When I feel like I’m ready for something real all I come up with is ghosting and fake interest that never goes anywhere. Girls are window shopping constantly looking for greener grass just like men. I have a sneaky feeling I won’t find someone to settle down with until my 30s simply because nobody wants to.
I’m already 30, but I do recall as I was in my mid 20s, I’d totally want to be in relationship with another person, just like I am today. The thing is, I also had plans already at that point to leave the country in the next few years (which I did), and that wouldn’t make the groundwork for the relationship solid. That wouldn’t be fair to her. Some of my best friends of the same age were also thinking of the same thing though.
That dude you are talking about sounded like he still just wants to play the field. It has nothing to do with having his life together, IMO.
> fool around and he would get me if I wanted a good dick or bomb head.
Sounds like he put you sex only category after things burned out the first time around.
Your post is kind of all over the place though. Why exactly did you stop seeing each other the first time?
Most of the time there isn’t any benefit.
In my 20s I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. This dynamited a couple of very promising relationships. At the end of the day, the woman will still expect the man to work and earn. If he doesn’t have that part reasonably worked out yet, how can he commit? There were a few times in my 20s when I was with someone who seemed to expect that part to be my problem to « work out ». She thought she had what she wanted. The details were my problem…
As a 24yo guy, it’s because I spent a lot of time dating from late high school through the one year out of college point with zero return on investment. Pulled entirely out of the dating game and have been having such a better time not worrying about it that it seems like a fools errand to go back. It just isn’t worth it in any fashion.
Even in a healthy relationship, a woman is removing some of a guy’s freedom. For many guys in their 20s, this is the last thing they’d want.
Why would you want to be locked down when you’re happy single and young?
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You’ve got your whole later life to do the serious married life stuff.
Much appreciate it!