Dating : Why do I get really aroused but don’t want sex?
[22 F] I’m worried I’m not normal or asexual. Basically I met a guy who I didn’t really like him physically but as I got to know him he grew on me a little and I liked his personality. Things got flirty but I could never imagine sex with him. However, I get extremely aroused when we’re together on the sofa touching and cuddling. I had sex with him but had no desire for it and the kissing isn’t amazing, we did other things which felt okay but is this silly of me to have gone through with it?
I dont want to be asexual. I’ve just never met anyone that makes me feel that strong sexual attraction, apart from quite rarely. Is it bad of me to have carried this on, I enjoy the feelings of arousal and flirting, but not the sex. I’m so scared I’ll never meet anyone that makes me feel strong desire.
So I get really turned on and then suddenly during it, my arousal just switches off like I get used to everything. Is this normal?
I feel really anxious the morning after I do anything with this guy.
*TLDR aroused but don’t want sex, is this unusual?*
If I had to take a guess, you sound emotionally disconnected from the people you are dating. That doesn’t mean you are not capable of wanting or desiring sexual contact. It just means that you haven’t met someone that fufills all your needs past physical attraction. Its quite common when you are younger to feel this way.
My best advice is to go on more dates before committing to a physical relationship. Slow down. Guys will always want sex so its up to you to set the pace. Ask the hard questions early and get to know your partners on a deeper level sooner.
Be brave! Stand up for yourself if you just are not feeling the connection you need. Don’t hide your feelings talk to your man. It will weed out the guys just looking to get laid and maybe someday you will find your connection.
Remember the race is long but in the end you are racing against yourself. Be patient and kind, good things will come.
Um have you try to watch porn? maybe you might get aroused and want sex by someone off a porn video. I thought I was broken in high school because I wouldn’t get wet or want my abusive ex for sex at all. Days before our officially break up I went on a porn site and start getting aroused by the men in the videos I was watching (they look nothing like my ex). Realizing I have no attraction at all to my ex (what was there is longer there) and I need to date guys that I find attractive. Maybe he doesn’t get your panties wet, someone else will!. I don’t think unusual he just not the guy for you.
Try making out with a girl.