Dating : Would you agree that the reason a lot of guys can’t find a match is a result of poor/nonexistent social skills?
Would you agree that the reason a lot of guys can’t find a partner is a result of poor/nonexistent social skills and personality disorders?
​
I know as a guy with Social Anxiety it’s impossible for me to walk up and talk to a strangers.
Lots of guys have social anxiety but it’s something you can address and dramatically improve.
Yes and no. There are plenty of guys with good social skills who are single as well.
But being awkward doesn’t do anything good for your chances. I do however feel that the whole « I’m shy/introvert/anxious » has started to become somewhat of widely used excuse. People often seem to go to the extreme thinking in that it can never be fixed and give up.
I used to be awkward, quiet and shy as a kid. I’m also an introvert by nature. I’m still learning how to be better in social settings, by pushing myself through so, so many different uncomfortable situations (talking to the damn cashiers/parties/travelling alone) until I slowly figure out how to deal better. Being awkward is not something that’s set in stone, you have the ability to change it with practice.
So I think what’s really stopping a lot of guys is that they aren’t willing to change their lifes in a way that challenges them socially. This process can take years and it’s uncomfortable, so it’s much easier not to.
Social anxiety definitely has an impact on dating for guys. I would say though it’s because a lot of guys can’t live up to the insane standards of dating nowadays. Ok Cupid Study said women found 80% of men unattractive. So if you take 10 men and line them up only 2 out of those 10 men are attractive. The other 8 are unattractive. It’s absolutely nuts. Look at the examples shown in the study of men who were found to be unnattractive. Some of these guys in those examples rated unattractive are men who are like a 7 or even a 8 out of 10. Men need to stop making up excuses for this mess of a dating scene.
[Women on OKCupid Study Found 80% of Men Unattractive](https://www.yourtango.com/2016285828/women-find-80-percent-men-unattractive-says-crazy-study)
A second study makes things even worse. Share of Americans not having sex has reached a record high. 28% of men reported having no sex in the past year. That’s only the men who reported it too. Imagine if we add the people who lied about it or who weren’t polled. 28% is almost an entire 1/3rd of all men. Compare it to females for females it was 18%. Things are not looking good for average guys.
[Americans Not Having Sex Reaches Record High](https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2019/03/29/share-americans-not-having-sex-has-reached-record-high/?utm_term=.a8ea10727360)
Yes. Every post that reads « I’m 25, no real circle of friends and trying to get into dating. Where do I start? », is akin to me saying I want to compete in the marathon at the olympics.
You need social skills for dating and most other things in life. Of course the best day to start was yesterday, and the 2nd best is today. But guys can’t expect that they’ll go from not ever playing, to winning the game in the span of a week.
No, it’s because you’re all using online dating and being a dude on there is awful! Honestly online dating is ruining it for most dudes except for a small set of good looking liars lol
WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE SOCIAL FUCKIN ANXIETY THESE DAYS?
seriously was this a problem 10-20-30 years ago even? how did our ancestors a fuckin generation before us even deal with it?
yes, they didn’t have the interweb and SM but is it SOO fucking bad now that you can’t even approach people you like?
never mind talking to strangers but talking to *her* on a date in an engaging, fun, intelligent and thoughtful way.
Well yes and no
Glad I’m not a early dater now days as I believe I couldn’t do the apps and dating scene
I am a up front face to face contact kinda person
I think maybe if you stop judging yourself and expecting others have high standards of why what and who you’re meant to be then then anxiety will drop even a notch
It’s a harsh world but love what u have
Online? No. Offline? Yes. That could be it.
I think it boils down to confidence with women. It’s a brutal feedback cycle. Guys that are not confident with women are not attractive to women, which leads to unsuccessful dates, which leads to less confidence with women, which leads more poor results, ad naseum.
The only way to get past something like an inability to approach strangers imo – is to do it. Over and over and over and over again for as long as it takes because the alternative is just to not do it and accept that it’s something you can’t do.
It’s not supposed to be easy – I actively practiced this for years and fuck it’s hard but I don’t regret a single moment or awkward interaction. The benefits are worth it.
That initial moment before taking a step toward them is the hardest, take a deep breath and tell your mind to shut the fuck up. Stay cool calm and collected and don’t over analyse “that thing I’m about to say” or how it’ll be received.
Run toward what you’re afraid of, because the alternative is rubbish – that someone “can’t”. Bullshit. Fear is a natural response to pushing a comfort zone but after a while, it becomes part of your comfort zone and a the grass is infinitely greener on the other side of the mound of self doubt. That’s just not helpful.
when you say match? makes me thing random interactions on dating sites. finding long term relationships is harder and could be anything from looking at the wrong type of person to searching for projects not partners.
I’m a busy guy so I can’t get as deep about this subject but this is a massive issue in our culture as a whole but seems to be amplified in countries like the U.S. and brittan. The way we socially condition boys is toxic. Its all situational. Here is an example, the way parents of a young boy being minorly injured compared to a young girl. As a young father(25) who is active in my sons(14m) life I go to the park often and see that boys are more often told to brush themselves off or to sit out for a moment while girls are given much more attention and courtesy. I could go on with more examples pretaining to the cycle the youths go through to become who they are. In theory, men are taught that their emotions and less important than females. This might just be my prespective as I had recently left (or cheated on)an emotionally abusive marriage. Granted you can’t raise a boy the same as a girl, but young boys need to be raised in a manner where they feel valued. Most young girls raised with that value instilled because we are socially and culturally conditioned that women are more important than men.
Why does it seem like dating it’s always something with the guy? They don’t have the social skills. They need to improve themselves. Either this or that, as if it’s not a two way street with both sides having their own issues.
For me it’s probably being a bit over excited to start the relationship.
I’m super excited when I meet a nice and gorgeous girl and the lines of social norms get blurred. I’ll meet someone and text her quickly.
100%. Introverted males (I am one so I’d know), are constantly fighting an uphill battle of being out of their comfort zone in dating. Unfortunately most of them don’t realize it. It’s like being socially castrated. I realize this is the primary reason I don’t have success.
What do you do for work?
Yes. I also have no social skills and when i am not comfortable around someone I basically never say anything. Which ends up being worse.
Probably the *main* reason.
And probably the main reason a lot of women can’t keep the guys they want.
I seriously believe that Bumble specifically holds matches back unless you actually pay for it. I get a ton of matches on Hinge but did the free trial on Bumble for 2 weeks and got like 20+ matches out of no where. Now, that I don’t have the “spotlight” anymore, I rarely get matches and have 15 hidden matches that I can’t access.
Modern dating for ya.