Dating : Would you date someone who chose another person over you but it din’t work out?
Was seeing a girl. She suddenly “dropped her interest in me” she started to see someone. It din’t workout now she is back texting me. What would you do?
in Dating
No. I would not. She will be dating you until she finds someone better and replace you again
Be no ones second choice.
No, you deserve better than being a back up plan.
Never accept being the 2nd option
no dude. She will cheat on you… repeatedly
Hell no. I can already see a long road of jealousy and other insecurities opening up, even if you intend things to be casual. Just will open up a whole new can of worms.
Nope. They can find someone else
Hell nah
Would I? I already did. Don’t do it.
No, because shes simply using you until the next guy she wants comes along beware of these people. I can guarantee a day where she’ll go behind your back, most likely she’ll be with you while seeking other men stay the fuck away or get burnt.
Have sex with? sure.
Date? Absolutely not.
Nope! I’d feel second best
Going to add another no to this pile of no’s. Never be someone’s fallback.
Depends if she had a chance to get to know you. If you had several dates then she’s actively chosen someone else over you, so she’s unlikely to see you as a long term prospect.
If you had just been texting, maybe 1 date, then she doesn’t know you. Hence, she can’t have chosen someone else over you. She just focused on 1 relationship and when that didn’t work moved on, we all do that.
Former case, block her. Latter case, proceed.
I think you’re allowed to feel however you like about it.
You’re also allowed to talk to her about this and see what she has to say.
For me, I tend not to hold things against people, but also would be wary that nothing has changed and she might do it again. But that’s kinda part of dating.
Right person wrong time is just wrong person, but if it’s the right time now, that seems reasonable.
How would you feel if she’d led you on longer? Maybe things were just progressing faster with this one dude.
Even as a relatively polyam oriented person, I think it’s hard for me to fall in love with two people simultaneously. So if I’m falling for one more than the other, I’ll pull back til I have the time and energy to emotionally engage. New love is heady.
Wouldn’t give her the time of day. How do you know she won’t do it again if something “better” comes along?
Kind of depends. In most cases, no. But as someone that is very « one emotional attachment at a time, » someone that I *just* met or haven’t gotten close to to determine if they’re a serious candidate or not, can get « sidelined » simply because of bad timing due to someone else being further along. In those situations, there’s no reason to not give it a go if the other thing didn’t work out.
No. This will only show them they can walk all over you because you don’t respect yourself enough to know you deserve better.
I would, if I liked her enough.
It isn’t really a complicated thing to understand: she met someone she thought would be better for her. Either she found out that she was wrong or he didn’t reciprocate. In either case, she realized you were a better choice.
That said, I can understand why a lot of people wouldn’t give her another shot. It sucks to feel like you’re the benchwarmer.
Sounds like she didn’t want to date two people at once and for whatever reason that other relationship moved along faster. It doesn’t have to mean you’re her second choice. I would say if you’re still interested and she seems genuine, give it another go but take it slow. Take the time to get to know each other well before deciding if you’re a match.
Yep. Give it a chance. You never know.
Yes, it’s fine. People who say otherwise are living a pipe dream. It is a fantasy, like believing in love at first sight. Literally everyone is someone’s 2nd choice. Plus you can’t explore a full relationship with 2 people at the same time. It has nothing to do with being 2nd rate. It’s just the way things are.
It depends on what capacity you were “seeing” each other and in which capacity she was seeing this other person. The fact that she did not try to spin two plates at once may actually be considered a virtue.
Dating is messy. We are allowed to try things on for size. I would just open a discussion with her about it and ask what her feelings are for you. Ask about the other situation and explain that you’re just trying to get a better understanding of her.
I would be cautious about letting the other comments “you don’t deserve to be second best” go to your head too much. We have limited information here and there a hundreds of possible scenarios here. Many of them are perfectly innocent. It is possible that she is not respecting you, but I would avoid going in all guns blazing with that approach. Open communication is always a better option.
These other comments are dramatic, and taking that approach to dating rarely ends well.
Depends. I “ghosted” my current life partner (and father of my future son) when we first started flirting/talking since I felt like my emotional attachment was growing too strong too quickly and it intimidated me. I took that time to explore my own feelings and talked to other people only to circle right back to him. (Since he literally turned out to be my soul mate/partner in crime/ whatever stupid cliché)
Maybe gauge the situation and be honest with yourself about whether you felt a genuine connection was shared by both parties or whether this person just sees you as a second choice/ Mr. Good Enough For Right Now.
Good luck.
Try once. But don’t be surprised if she breaks up.
And don’t allow it to happen again if she wants to repeat this cycle.
I think everyone deserves a chance, but if she is going to do it when it means most, then she isn’t genuine.
Everyone’s saying no, which makes sense, but to add a diff perspective…
How far along were you guys originally?
If you were just in the talking stage of « dating » or had only met up a few times, I might give them another shot.
Sometimes I’m talking with 2 people initially and as things get serious with one, I let the other one go.
It’s not really about making one my second choice, I usually just had been talking with one longer, or things moved faster with one vs the other, and I usually treat relationships as exclusive even before we’ve officially decided to be…
Alternatively though, if you guys were pretty far along, perhaps you already talked for over a month, maybe even slept with each other a few times, abs she just ghosted practically, then I’d say no probably…
Because in that case she just saw you as the lessor option, and will probably continue to look for better options even if you choose to date her now officially.
Just my thought process though.
Good luck!
There’s a lot of categorical advice here without a lot of context.
Sleep with her then leave. Don’t be a back-burner boy.
I would nope out of there. She made her decision and can live with her choice. If you accept her it will always be in the back of your mind, « Is she looking for someone else while with me ? « , « Is she only with me because she has no other options ». Find someone who chose you and you chose them and enjoy your life.
Depends on my level of wanting them. If they are a terrible person, I wouldnt.
I agree with others, it’s clear this person can’t handle being single so she will use you to transition to another person. You dating her will only enable this behavior further.
If you want to have sex, I also agree that’s within your rights… Cue the « he only used me for sex » posts on Reddit.
hell no lmao. why would i (or you for that matter), want to be an option/backup as opposed to a priority? have some self-respect for yourself and run, she’s for the streets.
No. She doesn’t see your value or appreciative you
NEVER be anyone’s second choice, you deserve better!
That’s gonna be a no for me dawg
Not a chance in hell anymore. You’re worth more than to be someone’s back up plan or second option. Friends? Sure if there’s no hard feelings and you set boundaries, but she made her decision, she was fine leaving you in the dust for someone she considered better. In that moment she decided you weren’t important to her, especially if communication just died. Find someone who actually cherishes you and wants you in their life. Find someone that makes you their first choice.
Literally, no.
So many people in this thread saying « never be someone’s second choice. »
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re probably never going to be someone’s first choice. People try to find the best person they can wrangle, and just about everyone you meet was probably trying to wrangle someone « better » than you and couldn’t pull it off.
Not in milion years I’m gonna be the 2nd option or backup. Plenty fish in the sea my dear..
I have a phrase, “Choose me or lose me.” That’s applicable here.
I was seeing a girl casually once for about 5 months.. went on a 2 week holiday and came back to find she had started talking to her ex. I met up with her to grab a coffee and asked point blank to make a choice between the two, and when she said she couldn’t choose I told her I don’t want to see her anymore.
She was outgoing, nice, hot.. everything I would like in a girl, but as many people here have already said – if you aren’t their first pick you’re setting yourself up for failure in the future. Just cos they’re your number 1 choice, doesn’t mean you are their #1.. and it’s not worth waiting for someone to get to that point cos they rarely will.
Sorry babe you had your chance at allll this. Maybe you can work things out with dippy new dude. Byeeeeee
Nah we don’t do that round herrr
It all depends on how sincere she was in her apology. Without sincerity and acknowledgment of what her betrayel did . No I wouldn’t if she couldn’t provide that with sincerity and mean it.
You answer yourself in your question lol
I think it’s fine if it’s just hook up/fwb
Mate she doesn’t want to date you, you’re there for attention between people she wants to date.
Move on.
Damn I’m going through this right now, right back to their ex. This shits crazy. What a coincidence
Dont even need to say anything really, the comments basically sum it up for ya bud. Don’t even worry about it, just keep walkin lol