Dating : I was setup with someone I don’t like, how do I turn him down?
My dad’s friend wanted to set me (F26) up with this guy(M29).
My dad was okay with it as the guy’s career background would help our family business if things went well. (Though I’d like to establish that my dad isn’t forcing my hand on this.) I reluctantly agreed to be polite.
(Edit: I have an East Asian family background)
So basically, my dad’s friend gave my mobile number to this guy and I, in turn, received no information whatsoever (not even a name!) about the guy except that he’s shy.
The guy started texting me (we can’t meet face to face as we’re currently both in different cities) and was also ‘uncomfortable’ sharing his name since he was after all, ‘shy’. After texting with him for a few days, I found out that we don’t have anything in common. Like none at all. Our topics would only revolve around work and the pandemic (and srsly no one wants to talk about those all the time). After days of texting, I was finally able to get his name. I suggested video chatting to mix things up but he rejected the idea from the get-go. As for me, I wasn’t really comfortable talking to someone I haven’t really met, and not having able to put a face to the person I was currently talking to. Not giving me his name upfront too was also a red flag for me. I don’t think being shy is an excuse to not give out your name.
Now, I’ve been replying late to his text messages and sometimes not replying at all, which is rude, I know, but he’s so insistent with texting me every single night. I seriously don’t want to waste each other’s time and I also don’t want to ghost him because other than it’s rude, my dad’s friend would also be offended if they knew.
So now, I need help on how to turn him down. Any advice?
« Hey, it was nice talking to you but I don’t feel this will work for me. Best of luck ».
That’s it, no need to go into details or explanations.
> my dad’s friend would also be offended if they knew.
Not your problem. People that « setup » need to know how to cope with the *highly likely* event of that setup not working.
The heck? That is so, super duper weird. Tell your father about what happened and tell the weirdo that you’re not interested in continuing to talk to him and wish him well. Then block.
I’ve set people up and been set up my self. No one owes anyone jack shit in those scenarios. You do you.
this is really weird – more likely this is some 50+ year old guy just trying to get nudes from a 20-something.
just stop talking to them? you owe them nothing.
Unless you want to live your life only for your dad and his business, just tell the guy that he hasn’t been amenable to even the simplest of requests, and for those reasons, you’re interested in dating him. Then just end it.
If your dad’s friend is gonna get pissy about it, that’s his problem
The only final option, to make this work, is to suggest a date. And this is being generous on your part.
If he still refuses, and doesn’t offer up anything, just tell him you’re not interested (for w/e your reasons are).
It’s funny I think that dads like to hook up their friend’s or family member’s younger male relatives who are shy, with their daughters. Sounds like how arranged marriages began. My gf’s dad did the same thing, saying that this boy my gf knew when she was grew up is single and shy, ask her if she was interested in dating him. Her dad forget she was already dating with me and she was not interesting in that childhood friend boy at all.
If you do get set up on blind dates, make sure it’s not from an older family member. Friends your age are better for gauging who is actually decently compatible for you.
I’m sure there are plenty of guys with career backgrounds that will help your family business. Having said that, don’t let it be something you consider when you’re looking to date.
That « I’m shy so I won’t give you my name » excuse is very rude. He can’t expect you to do everything for him; that’s his mom’s job. Be honest and be brutal. Just tell him you don’t wish to continue texting because if reasons a b c. You don’t even need to be nice about it.
Tell him you’re already in a relationship and would appreciate it if he could keep that to himself. You think he’s a nice guy and all, but you’re committed. Problem solved.
Is this a troll post?