Dating : I really want a steady relationship! Living in a small town and no luck with online dating…
Well I thought I’d have another crack at online dating, so I fired up the ol’ dog and bone and made a profile on Tinder, Hinge and Bumble. After a solid two weeks I haven’t had a single match… I’m not going to lie it’s a bit of a blow to my self esteem and I just can’t figure out what it is that I’m doing wrong? This isn’t the first time I’ve tried online dating but it’s always the same, few, if any matches…
Let’s put this into context shall we? I’m 22, Scottish, living in the United Kingdom. I have it on good authority that I’m alright looking, not the best but not the worst either… I’m pretty confident, intelligent and funny (no trying to blow my own trumpet here). I’m fit and healthy, I run and hill walk and I’m a healthy weight and I’ve got an interesting and well paying job (I make rugs by hand!). I’ve also returned to the Army Cadet Force as an adult volunteer.
So, I’ve filled out my profiles completely and honestly, using the best photos I have. Good quality photos including a selfie where you can see me clearly, smiling and you can make out my eyes which I’m often complimented for, me up the hills, making a rug, in a suit and me in my Army uniform.
Not a single match, on any app… It’s a bit of a body blow and it’s always the same, every now and then I’ll make a new profile but I don’t get any matches! The thing is, I really want to get into a steady relationship and I know that Tinder isn’t exactly the place where I’m supposed to be looking for « the one » but living in a small town, you quickly learn that none of the lassies who are available are interested in you, nor you in them…
So, I’m at the point where I haven’t got a clue what to do other than *being patient.* I’m desperately lonely, I was so before lockdown but I’ve only gotten worse. I’ve felt myself slipping into alcoholism and this is the main source of my pretty severe all be it functioning depression, I fear that the longer I go alone the more damage I’m going to end up doing to myself through drinking.
Is there something I can do to get more matches online? Is there something I can do to meet new people who are interested in dating? I’ve tried online dating as mentioned, I’m a regular at the pub and have a decent social life but in a town of 8,000 you always see the same faces, and as you can tell by turning to reddit for help you can see I’ve exhausted all options and am quite frankly desperate…
Sorry for the long read,
Cheers
1st of all get rid of the alcohol. If you cant controll it and have a « healthy » ammount dont have any in the house. No matter of if you find someone over an app or once the corona situation has gotten worse no girl will want having to deal with someone who has to drink constantly.
2nd if your not in any kind of treatment / therapy for your depression get help for it. Why not use the time beeing single to improve your own life so you can be a better partner when you find someone at some point down the road.
3rd if your town does not have anyone of interest to you check out the next bigger town. If thats not an option due to distance think about moving somewhere. Also think about how much you narrow your partner down. If you for example just go for brunettes why not expand your search to blondes etc. and check with yourself how flexible you could be with your requirements. Keep in mind that ppl can change their appearance somewhat (like gain / loose weight, change hair color etc.) while personality of a person stays. So just get to know ppl and find out if there would be someone you might have not considered with a personality that matches yours (while not beeing unattractive visually to you).
4th If moving atm is not an option for you think about how you think about starting a long distance relationship. Make sure to set yourself a limit how long you allow this to run before any of the two of you moves to the other and if you would be willing to relocate for a long term partner. Then you can expand the range of you search and get more options of potential partners.
In the end you kinda have to approach it like you would approach finding a good job. Think about what you would be willing to do, what inconvineances you are willing to accept temporary (like seeing each other just on weekends). How flexible you can be with your choices and the needs for you in a partner. And what are things you require your partner to bring to the table (physically and mentally). You might not find the woman of your dreams in your area but finding a good partner who you can build a life with shouldnt be impossible with some compromises.
The tough clear answer – move. You are looking for water in the desert. Just go to the fuckin lake.
Move to a college town or major metro.