Dating : Can’t stop screwing it up

Dating : Can’t stop screwing it up

First off I have low self esteem, fear of rejection and within the last year got out of borderline emotionally abusive relationship.
Previous bf was hot and cold all the time, for four years I constantly questioned if I was good enough, what I’d done wrong or not done when he ignored me. He was rarely intimate, very selfish and totally emotionally unavailable.

So I got pretty messed up. I haven’t even thought of dating until someone I know showed an interested, we flirted back and forth for a while, he’s just coming out of a long term relationship so both of us know a relationship is not on the cards right now but maybe in the future. Until then we decided that hanging out, talking ,flirting was fun and we genuinely had a very special bond, but in the back of our heads ..timing.

Eventually things went further and I stayed over and we had sex. It was great, very passionate, very loving and mutual. He hugged me all through the night, when he got up he hugged me and kissed me good bye and text me a bit later to tell me drive safe.

But my head is still telling me I’m not good enough, that it’ll end, or he’s just using me until someone better comes along. Whenever I freak out he is great at calming me, I think it’s going to be over (due to my exbf going hot and cold so damn often) and he always says it’s not over.

Help me chill tf out! I’m ruining something that could be really good. Of course it might not lead to a proper relationship as we both have stuff we have to work on …. Timing. I really am falling for this guy and I know he cares about me too but maybe not as much. We both said we’d be devastated if this ended but I feel so much more vulnerable like I know it’s going to be very painful and I’m not sure if I can get through it.