Dating : How do you properly get over an ex?
I recently just ended a 10-month relationship and at first I couldn’t feel anything but now it’s just like all my emotions came barrelling down towards me. To make things more complicated, I felt like it was such a toxic relationship. He would disappear for hours each day for his studies and to work on his essays and assignments, but the thing that never really sat well with me was the fact that he would do it without telling me prior. I would be understanding if I was told beforehand and not just 5 minutes or literally just a minute before he disappears, but it was just so sudden.
I myself am not perfect. I overreact at times and I couldn’t fully trust him, my fault. I knew we weren’t going to work because we’d tried to compromise so many times but it never really worked. Yet I can’t help but cry and be saddened by the fact that I might’ve just lost the greatest thing in my life. I guess for me, all I want and need for now is just reassurance and security. I want to be reassured that I did the best thing for me and for him too; I want to be reassured that I can find someone better, someone who’d understand what I ask for. I want to feel secure because during our time together. I became so insecure, it felt like I had to compete with other people (especially girls) for his attention and time.
In these past few days, I’ve been in denial, accepting and have had absurd rebound thoughts just to get him out of my head. Do you guys have any tried and tested methods to comfort yourself into getting over an ex? I badly need more suggestions.
Something that has helped me speed up the process is focusing on all of their flaws. Normally I don’t do this. I usually try to be nice to people, focus on their good points, and especially with a guy I think, hey I’m not perfect, so I gloss over his faults. I’m in love with you, so you get a pass. But I’ve found that when the relationship ends or if the guy simply doesn’t share my feelings, you need to go in the complete opposite direction. Magnify everything you don’t like about them. Every little detail you were glossing over. Hone in on it. Every annoying mannerism, habit, character flaw. Keep thinking about that stuff. It will make you feel like you dodged a bullet and didn’t really want them anyway. Like you were really compromising to be with them to begin with. Show no mercy. This is about helping you move on and heal yourself.
Also, remind yourself that your gut was telling you this was a toxic relationship, and now you’re free from it. You deserve better.
Make your ex block you. Worked like a charm for me.
Meet people, friends, new people, whatever. Expand your « view » of things, so you dont close your mind only on the last person.