Dating : I got ghosted after the first date and I can’t get over it.
Hi. I met this girl online and we immediately clicked. We would chat for hours and the conversation seemed effortless. We always came up with fun and interesting things to talk about. Eventually we shared phone numbers and started to text and call each other over the phone. One night we even spoke for 3 hours straight! I haven’t had a phonecall last that long in maybe forever. I suggested we meet up that weekend and she was more than happy to do so.
We meet up and have a great time! We had some coffee and walked around downtown, talking about a million things. We shared jokes, stories, took some pictures and had a great time before heading to see a movie. Afterwards we went to grab dinner. There were no awkward silences or checking of phones. I felt like it was a really good first date. After dinner we parted ways under the impression that we would meet again soon. She texted me the night of that date with a « Goodnight! » and that was it. That was the last time I heard from her.
I tried texting her 3 times and called her 2 times in the span of a week. I’ve stopped reaching out after realizing that I’m being ghosted. This is a date I went on with a girl I was into and I believed she was into me as well. I’d understand if she reached out and told me if she wasn’t feeling it but being radio silent about it makes me feel like shit. Did I do something to upset her? Was I bad date? I can’t get the thought outside my head and it’s honestly making me feel shitty. I haven’t dated in 3 years due to personal reasons and this is how the world of dating welcomes me back. How do you cope? How do you not feel like you’ve failed?
I’m sorry to hear that my guy. I really wanna extend my sympathy bc I know it hurts, and the lack of explanation hurts the worst.
You’re probably gonna get two explanations, and you’re gonna have to decide which is right bc no one can really tell you: the first would be that you messed up in some way, shouldn’t have escalated so quickly, should have slowed it down. The second: it has nothing to do with you. She’s going thru some shit and that’s that.
Either way man, I hope you’re feeling better and have the guts to get back on the dating horse and keep treating people the way you wish they would treat you,
You have to stop thinking about it and try…. *try*… to chalk it up as a win. You did a good job and you will never know why she disappeared. But honestly it may have very little to do with you. It is possible you said or did one tiny thing that was the dealbreaker, or it’s just about physical attraction, but it is just as likely that she was actually not really single, or is an addict or just lost her job, or is pining for an ex, or is looking to relocate, or has a fuckbuddy she is occupied with etc etc.
The odds are that it really is just a random reason that is her stuff, not your performance on the date. She actually is not worth it, because even if she was cool on the date and leading up to it, she sucks. People who ghost treat all their relationships like crap and dating her would have been a shit show.
You are doing fucking awesome, you already got the practice round out of the way and you were very at ease and had a good time. Now rinse and repeat another dozen or so times and somebody worthwhile will show up.
Remember that any and all red flags are essential to notice for success. Never date a loser once they exhibit asshole behavior, even if they seem 95% cool until they wave the flag displaying their true colors
I’m going to say the unpopular opinion in that on the date you did something to turn her off. Could have been that you put too much effort with so many things on a first meeting. Next time I would suggest picking one of those things. Keep dates shorter unless it’s obviously heading towards sex.
I just had a very similar expierence.. look at my recent popular post. Ghosting is cruel after you’ve built up a short term friendship with someone like that.. i feel you man. I’m going through the same thoughts but you gotta just move on.
Just remember this whatever reason they have it’s usually about them not you!. Ghosters are usually immature people so they probably have childish reasons why they ghost (unless you did something crazy and creep her out). Like I have a post about getting closure from an immature guy, and what he did was so ridiculous it made no sense what so ever (make up a story to reject me when he could just be a big boy and I would accept it). A lot of people don’t have a good reason why they do the things they did you usually get « I don’t know » blah blah no point of caring about these type of people.You shouldn’t feel like you failed it wasn’t meant to be. But from my experience if I don’t bother them or give them attention some ghosters do pop back up in your life again. If she does call her out on what she did she might give you some closure or be childish again.
Wow story of my life I haven’t been in the dating science for 3 years either due to personal issues and a terrible dating experience. I had a similar experience as you. Met a guy online we instantly clicked texted for hours, then when the date came we met up clicked again, we had so many jokes and honestly it’ll always be a memorable date. we were together for about 4 hours until he drove me home. He didn’t message me after so I ended messaging him a day later his excuse was that his phone was broken, to this day I haven’t heard from him. Everyone says he’s busy but this is just like ghosting. All me and you have to do is move on and try again hopefully the next person person won’t do us like that.
Exact same thing happened to me reading this was like deja vu. I can’t even get over it only time will tell
As someone who had their fair share of being ghosted: she might be dating a couple of people at the same time. Nonetheless, ghosting is something that only cowards do tbh
Maybe her dog died