Dating : Should I let it be completely my SO’s decision to continue a LDR or should I be firm in my stance?
Short backstory, this guy and I have been dating for about 3-4 months (over the summer). We haven’t seen each other a ton with our schedules but in a way it makes the times we do see each other that much more special since we just have so much to talk about. I can tell that he likes me (little things he does/how he acts, you know) but next week he’ll be going off to college while I’m in my senior year of high school. He’ll be less than an hour away, though.
We went on a date last week and he brought up the topic of whether or not we wanted to try to make the relationship work but due to both of our non-confrontational personalities it kinda just ended with both of us saying how we’d be fine either with staying together or just going back to being friends.
I’ll be seeing him either this week or next week and I know we’ll have to make an actual decision. I guess I just can’t really tell how much he likes me; he’s definitely the type of person to hide something like that if he thinks I don’t feel the same and, quite frankly, I’m not always the best at showing affection. I know that college is a brand new experience and I don’t want to make him feel tied down to anything, but I also don’t want to just throw this away because I really like him. I was thinking just being straight up and admitting that I do really like him and that I’d love to try to keep the relationship going but I’m afraid that if he doesn’t want to then this will just make it harder to be truthful. On the other hand, if its reversed and he does want to continue it and can’t tell if I want to or not, this could be beneficial.
I’m rambling at this point, I guess I’m at a loss since I’ve never realized how conflicted feelings can make someone feel :/
TL;DR Been seeing a guy over the summer but he’ll be going to college soon and I’m still in high school. Want to tell him that I have strong feelings but don’t want to make this make him feel obligated to continue the relationship if he wants a fresh start in college. Am I giving him too much of the decision?
Based on what you shared, I feel like you two have feeling for each other, but both are too shy to admit it. The fact that he asked whether you would want to make it work implied that he thought about it, but he might not want to come across as pushy and kind of leave it to you to decide. You, on the other hand, also felt like tying him down and try to avoid making the call. In the end it went nowhere.
If there’s one thing I learned about relationship, it would be stop being afraid of embarrassing ourselves and just admit our feelings. Simply open up and tell him how you feel about him and how much you enjoy spending time with him, etc. Share your thoughts and see how he responses. One of you need to speak out first. In the end, you will regret the thing you don’t say, rather than the thing you end up saying.
tbh I think you guys just need to talk about it together more and figure out how you can sustain a LDR. Find out when he may come home or when you can visit him and make those count as check points to look forward to. If they’re few and far between, maybe the effort might not be worth it.
ALSO:
You’re allowed to be selfish. Relationships are meant to be two-sided! If you want to stay together tell him before it’s too late! College is a huge time for changes for him, I’m sure, but sometimes people need something to hold onto. Maybe having you to text and call might help him when he’s feeling homesick.