Dating : 36M going through divorce, 1 kid. How do I bring up that topic on dates?
I am in the process of going through a divorce after my wife cheated and initiated the separation. She will be moving out of the house (which I will get to keep) in 3 weeks. We have a 7 year old girl. Divorce should be finalized in a month.
I don’t know how to smoothly bring this up if I’m on a date with someone new I meet. I feel stigmatized by this because I have a kid, and worried that I might be viewed by women as « damaged goods ». What do you think is the best way of telling my date of my current situation?
I realize that my quality of life will get better with time, and right now might be a little soon to date again. However, I just happened to planning on going to spend some time at a brewery with a girl I met through a social group. It’s not officially a date, but it could turn into one. I’m not sure when or how to navigate the topic of that I’m going through a divorce, and that my ex hasn’t moved out of the house yet. Got any tips on how I can not let current crisis this define myself?
Maybe focus on building up yourself and spending time with your daughter might be the move before hitting the field. Idk how long ago you and your wife split up but it might be good to chill. I don’t think your damaged goods a lot of people go through what you went through and came out fine. But this is the type of thing that can crush people for good. Keep your head up and enjoy some time with your daughter before focusing on dating.
My experience was that getting a divorce brings up too many questions. I would recommend holding off and emotionally stabilizing from the ending of your relationship and loving on your child with any adapting.
Especially since your wife is still living in your house for the next 3 weeks, I think it would be best for everyone involved if you waited until things were more stable and final before dating.
Telling a woman you’re on a date with that you’re divorced with a kid is no big deal. Telling a woman you’re on a date with that your soon to be ex is still living with you should send any rational woman running for the hills.
That way when you do meet someone amazing you’ll have the best chance of it working out. In the meantime, I know it’s cliche, but take the time to work on yourself: lift weights, run/walk, eat right, make a budget, do some therapy.
the strategy I have always used is to finalize the divorce before the first date.
I agree to wait until after the divorce. Also, you’ve been with this woman what sounds like a long time, if I went on a date and he just separated from his ex of 7+ years I would see it as a huge red flag (he’s not over her, etc.)
Also when it comes to dating I’d say tell somebody before meeting them. Be upfront about having a child. Most people use online dating so you can simply have it in your profile and let people say no if they want to.
Because the alternative is going on a nice date, telling her and then it being a dealbreaker and you’ve wasted time and money on somebody who wasn’t right for you.
Everyone has baggage. Most women will understand just be upfront. Life changes for everyone.
I’ve been where you are. To be honest a lot of women are turned down when they hear I am divorced and have a kid. They are like straight forward “no, thank you”. So I would advise you to always start with that. It will save everyone time and unpleasant emotions.
It’s probably best to just keep the connection as a friendship for now. It’s best for you to take your time and get somewhat adjusted and settled in this new stage of your life before you try to add another person into the equation. Alot of people think they are ready to get back into dating but you need to give yourself time to heal .
Don’t date right now. You’re just gonna break some girls heart because you’re trying to prove you’re over your ex or the divorce isn’t affecting you. Take time to heal. The smart women will avoid you. The naive ones will get hurt.
My not-so STB ex is religious and is making me wait the full 5 years for a divorce. Only one to go now, but it’s worse than being a leper with dating! You don’t even get a chance to explain… they hear ‘separated’ and « child » and (as someone else said) they run for the hills!
Add in the the financial hit that comes with being a separated dad, and you have as much hope as a three-legged skunk with hygiene issues – as far as dating prospects go.
Starting to consider hook-ups as a means of « getting by », but that’s so far removed from my comfort zone I’m not sure I’m even capable of pulling that off… perhaps a blow-up sheep would do?
Man I just spit the truth out! Spill my guts! Man whoever doesnt give you the time of day… they weren’t worth it to begin with. It’s always good for me to tell my current situation not matter how embarrassing it is. Man I live with my mom, dont have a car and I’m an alcoholic without a driver’s license and a car! I said that to them all and 1 girl fell in love with me no matter what! I’m actually tearing up talking about it. I told her more about me that I dont want to mention. We ended up being a perfect match. Despite covid and quarantine, we managed to get through it and I’ve never loved this hard ever!!! Dude if you’re able to speak and have a big heart and good soul, you will do fine brother. I’m here for ya man
First of all, as a man with a kid, especially a little girl, you need to stop grouping yourself into the same category as a single woman with kids. You are not the same.
Sure, not every woman is gonna be your cup of tea. But you need to have to sole attitude that your daughter comes first. Women don’t like to be the highest priority in a man’s life, a woman wants a man who has his life together and has a purpose. Your first purpose is your health, second is your finances, third is your daughter. Your future romantic partner is going to always be 4th. Some women will be into this, some won’t. Accept that.
I personally would be more excited that I got custody of my daughter from my terrible ex-wife. I’d HAPPILY remain single and raise my daughter right over wasting time with dating.
I guarantee that if you focus on raising your little girl, get the rest of your life in order and let the rage of your ex-wife cheating on you subside, you’ll come out in top.
I would wait a while. Become one with yourself first.
I got turned down alot man and almost gave up. But the one thing I cant do is lie and fuck with someones heart. I’m not saying you would lie lol! I’m just saying that you get much more real than that. I you feel you are going to be a great bf/husband for someone, man you got nothing to hide, I already feel like you are a descent guy. I have a separation problem, as soon as I get dumped or I end it myself, I absolutely have to have someone even if I’m still stuck on the last one! That’s too much to handle really. You’re going to be fine in time bro. One step at a time
I have SAD and it’s getting worse. That why I shouldnt date for a while. I DONT KNOW how to present myself and maybe i go to far with my detailed life