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Dating : 4 months in and I think he’s pulling away, is he a lost cause?

Dating : 4 months in and I think he’s pulling away, is he a lost cause?


Lovely man spent the night Friday, he was acting a little off. This was elevated by his accidental pushing of a button that has nothing to do with him and is completely a trauma set in by an ex. I broke down a little. He was very compassionate and thoughtful. But he then canceled our Saturday night plans due to not feeling well and didn’t call like he said he would. He usually always follows through. He sent me two texts on Sunday, which is pretty off for us, we usually chat on and off most of the day and we have not spoken at all since Sunday.

I sent a message to help provide clarity around our last interaction, but not to ask for him to engage in conversation if he needs space. So I sent him this:

“Hey, I wanted to acknowledge you. I’m feel grateful that you comforted me when I was feeling vulnerable. I really value that you stepped up in that moment and brought me compassion and thoughtfulness.

I want to take ownership of my reaction, apologize for my impacts to you, and state again that I know you weren’t aware that trigger existed for me. I have never once felt that way with you, and it was 100% a reaction to ghost I didn’t know was there.

Sharing about it with you was hard. I feel raw and sensitive about it. I had not meant to become so vulnerable about something I wasn’t feeling quite ready to share about. I am concerned that sharing in that way may have put you off. I feel really happy where we are and I fear that may have not have come across as true, given I was stress crying.

I hope you don’t catch that bug, that you are feeling better and that you are having an awesome week.

Thank you ”

I sent him this 24 hours ago. Is he a lost cause?

I’d also be interested in hearing any thoughts on the message I sent him! Thank you all.

What do you think?

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  1. Just ask him what’s on his mind. Communicate. Make him feel comfortable with telling you anything. Otherwise he is a lost cause.

  2. Probably he freaked out or realized your « button » was something he doesn’t want to deal with and is distancing himself.

    If he were to be on Reddit and write about what happened, he might very well be getting some answers along the line of « just 4 months? you don’t need to deal with that for such a short relationship. say thanks, good-bye, and find someone else with less baggage ».

    Not saying that this is what he’s thinking, but it’s a possibility as to why things seem different to you after this particular episode.

    The other case is that around 3-6 months, some people decide if a relationship is going to go the distance or not, and make plans to stay in or pull out. This could also be the case for him.

    And finally, a few days of mismatched communication isn’t the sign of the ending of a relationship. If a relationship is going to make it, it will need to be able to survive this kind of minor communication delays or misunderstandings.

    So this could also be the case here.

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