Dating : Advice!

Dating : Advice!

Have posted this on another sub but widening the reach!

Girl started at the gym a couple months back. Thought I recognised her barely but wasn’t sure. Roll forward approximately 4 months and during a training session (just under 4 weeks back now) I walked up and asked if she was who I thought she was. Turns out she is the person I recognised, she is the sister of a friend of mine, bearing in mind we don’t know each other at all, I only recognise her from one night out once a while back now.

Anyway, we started talking on social media (she added me on Instagram the day after) then we transitioned to WhatsApp quickly. Within the last 4 weeks we’ve average about 280 messages per day, sometimes angling multiple social media platforms sharing stuff. Snapchat, just got to the ‘#1 best friend for two weeks’ icon the red heart… This started as a gym thing, trained together a couple times and now with me exchanging some gym knowledge and writing up some stuff for her, we have also been ‘out’ about 5 times – I will state why I used ‘out’ in a second. The nature of the things we did were go for coffee, walks around town and went for drink & dinner. As mentioned we’ve trained together in the gym, getting to the stage where we almost train daily, or at least join some exercises together. When we have been out for the coffees etc the chat is flowing, surface level and deeper chats both revealing some quite deep things about one another, self-admittedly things that neither of us have told many other people if any. Eye contact is good and there is lots of laughter both ways. There isn’t so much touching and physical contact apart from hugs and the odd bit from me, not much back. Thing is when we do go out time literally just flies, having coffee for 4 hours or something. Especially one weekend early one we went to the gym and coffee and gym the day after, spending around 7 to 8 hours together in two days so early on just seemed like a really good sign to me. Was her birthday recently and bought a small gift and in joke card which I think was appreciated plus after each ‘outting’ we both say that is has been enjoyable spending time together or some form of that sentiment.

She’s recently ended a relationship with a bad guy, couple months back. She has some mistrust in guys and has mentioned this.

A mutual spoke to her and was basically like ‘you two meet and chat a lot’… blah blah ‘what’s going on then he clearly likes you’… Her reply was like she notices I like her and she’s just out (couple months) of her heavy relationship, really enjoys spending time with me and gets on so well with me… Then she was asked about potential in the future and she replied maybe but for now just friend thing and she’s not tried to give off the wrong impression…

I’m planning to see her soon, I still think I should come clean, respectful to myself and to her. Basically (inine with frame 2 from you) just be like we get on really well, I like you, feel that it’s mutual, I know you may not be in the right headspace, think we could have a good thing going, what’s your thoughts.

I have a few reservations. Linking to the ‘out’ bit mentioned above, I used the term ‘date’ once or twice and that wasn’t received so well, I guess either that’s sign of no interest or that’s sign of not liking the word as it holds a fair amount of pressure. Also, the physical contact bit being more one way. On Snapchat, when we received the red heart icon and I sent a screenshot of the heart next to her name and received the sick emoji back, again not sure if just banter or genuine, seems a little genuine to me. Today, in a message, she used the term ‘mates’ to describe the relationship between us, I mean it was fleeting but again something to consider. Another at a coffee a couple while back I mentioned I was going to see my mates on the weekend (inc. the bro), that it was going to be a bit awkward and I wasn’t so sure what to do. She said to just keep these outtings under the radar and my mates but also hesitated and said there’s nothing to hide is there… to which I hesitated and screwed up as that was the opportunity, I kind of mumbled and the conversation changed… that was a prime chance but time’s passed and what’s done is done! Lastly we went out with a group last weekend and ended up getting a little drunk, whilst I was looking after her she also got quite affectionate with the hugs and holding hands walking her home, I know she was drunk so I won’t try and read into it much and just take it as face value.

I guess what I am looking for is to understand whether you think by reading this the signs are there, clearly, we get on really well just that I am a little pussy/nervous to ask or raise anything. Do you even think the signs are there? Have you any ideas about how to progress? I was considering/have considered asking a mutual gym friend to just place a feeler or two when they meet at the gym? Have I potentially missed ‘the window’ if there is a window?

TL;DR – Looking for advice, think signs may be there but also some signs aren’t great. Options are just be straightforward or wait some more as friends to give her time… or have I just missed the window or any others you can think of. Waiting is eating at brain space quite a lot…

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