Dating : After dating actively for 6 months, what I have learned

Dating : After dating actively for 6 months, what I have learned

Mid 20s, After taking almost 4 years focusing on myself, personal and professional goals after a painful breakup, I decided to actively date again.

I went on dates with various types of guys I matched online, different occupations and attributes (teacher, regular office worker, engineer, copywriter, brewery importer, trainer…etc.) and appearances (5’7 »-6’4 », all kinds of body types).Been on 30+ first dates, most of them were obvious mismatches, not because they looked different than the pics, most of them looked better irl, but the interactions and conversations were just painfully awkward and extremely uncomfortable, however, they all asked for a second date, which I all declined.

Of all the guys I have been on dates with 4 of them I saw a potential and went beyond the 1st date, all of them disappeared after a few dates, with or without sex.There are three types of guys that Id like to see after the 1st date, based on interactions and conversations:1.kind of like: dont have intense chemistry but can see it grow into something after a few dates2. like quite a lot: great chemistry, looking forward to see how things go with him3. Ideal: off the chart chemistry, bf material, something serious and long term can be formed

My ex boyfriend was the idea type, never met anyone like that

Guy 1: kind of like type, early 20s, went on 4 dates, was super enthusiastic, consistent communication. Each date lasted 4 or 5 hours. He asked me to go on a weekend getaway with him on 4th date and planned on planning it together. I agreed and planned our 5th date. After that, he wouldn’t respond to me unless I double texted him, was trying to arrange our 5th date, I asked him if he was still interested, he said he was and told me not to worry, but then he ended up saying he was busy at work and had to go back to his hometown because his sister had cancer. He eventually stopped responding.A week later on social media, I found out he’s out and about, clubbing and going to bars with friends in the city, and then he was with a couple of different girls, traveling around.

Guy 2: kind of like type, mid 30s, went on 3 dates, called me everyday after work to talk for 5 mins, the only text I got from him was wyd, which I admitted was odd for his age, didnt think much of it since he still called everyday. Typical dinner and drink dates. He was upset that I didnt sleep with him on 3rd date, I explained to him that I wasnt looking for hookups, he accepted it and asked me if I wanted to go to the movies, I said yes and when we tried to arrange our 4th date, he said he has stuff coming up, rescheduled, I texted him about the time, but then he canceled again, I texted him and asked his availability, he said he can’t make it, I said okay and didnt hear from him again. To this date, I can still see him updating his dating profile.

Guy 3: kind of like type, early 30s, went on 3 dates with, dates included dinner, movie, small hike, he initiated the first 2 and after that he stopped texting me, so I carried all the conversations after the 2nd date and asked him out on a 3rd, he agreed. After 3rd, I still initiated conversations and asked him out two times, he said he’d be out of town, didn’t suggest an alternative date, I stopped reaching out and I never heard from him again.

Guy 4: Close to the idea type, mid 20s, went on about 7 dates, each lasted 12 hours to 2 days (I slept over a few times because we were out til 4am), we spent a lot of time together and I got to know him a lot more than other guys that I dated. He was the first guy that gave me that « feeling » when we kissed, last time I had that was many years ago when I was with my ex. On our 1st date, I already felt like we were on our 2nd date, since we already talked about so many meaningful and interesting topics, with guy 1,2,3, even on our 3rd date, we were still on the small talks side of things, it progressed very slowly since the connection was on the lower end.

Usually my dates with other guys (guy 1,2,3) couldnt last over 5 hours because we’d just run out of things to say and it became sort of like this vibe where we’d be like ‘okay I guess its time to end the date before it gets boring’. With this guy, there’s a crazy connection, we didnt text excessively throughout the day, we usually exchanged 2 texts in the evening, he always sent me long thoughtful and well-written texts, so I had something to respond, and vice versa, I reciprocated it too, I would just think about his texts in the middle of the day and laugh out loud. He was that interesting to talk to. When we met, we continued what we talked about during our text convos, the long texts never made us have fewer things to talk about. On our dates, we did various couple activities, we cooked together, did a tiny indoor rock climbing, went grocery shopping, we put on face masks together and just watched TV after a night out, we even went away for one weekend. Our interactions were so natural and effortless that to this date I still did not believe I met someone like him. On our first date, we walked at different parks and we talked for 12 hours straight. I was always worried about those park dates where there wasnt anything engaging to do, and it’d be awkward and lame, but that was actually the best date I have ever been on.

We always had something interesting and meantinful to share and talk about, didnt matter what we do or where we went. He typically tried to plan our next date right after our previous one, and then we’d figure the logistics together.He told me that I was interesting to talk to and was easy going, do not get irritated easily, humorous (getting that compliment from someone that is incredibly humorous like him was like a WOW moment for me), unlike other girls that he had encountered.

He recently graduated from grad school and got his dream job, so I planned something special for him, which I told him about it a little bit before the plan, that included an activity that he mentioned he wanted to do, an exquisite restaurant in downtown(hot spot in the city and hard to get a reservation), and then I got tickets to the movie that he wanted to watch. He was super excited, sent me a big thank you text afterwards, he said he couldnt wait til next time when we went on a date.However, after our last date, he went sort of silence a bit, and the usual busy at work excuse emerged before I even brought up any plan for our next day, since I have had many incidents like this, I didnt try to open new topics, kept asking him out, and double text like I did with other guys. I have learned from my previous experiences. I just let it be. He was someone special to me and I appreciated our time being together. I couldnt even remember the last time I had such fun, intellectual, engaging conversations with anyone. I did not regret all the effort that I put in on our last date, we had an amazing time together and he was worth my effort.

Im in my mid 20s, not a highschooler anymore, and im an active person, so I dont need to text 24/7, I never did with anyone that I was seeing or dating anyway, but a dramatic change of communication pattern indicates lost interest. Regardless of the pattern, for someone younger, it could be texting every other hour during the day, for late 20s, 30s and above, it could be talking on the phone once a week, in my case, it was 2 texts in the evening like I had with Guy 4.What I have learned: when people started to lose interest, initiating conversations or double text didnt go anywhere. Seen a lot of posts with similar situations, where the person double texts, and the other person would say ill let you know when im not busy and you initiate a few conversations, and eventually you never hear back from them.When not being able to meet+busy excuse+sudden lack of communication occur at the same time, it means one thing = the end. When someone starts to lose interest, all these three factors always appear at the same time,

Also worth mentioning it, it happened at the end of my relationship with my ex, a few weeks before he broke things off with me, when he assured everything was fine.

Edit: Guy 4 went on a vacation for about 17 days while we were seeing each other, he shared exciting things happening on the trip with me the entire time, which I didnt expect at all, because from what ive seen on here, people usually disappeared entirely when they were on a trip or out of town. Moreover, he got me a small gift. I was so surprised!