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Dating : After one month of no contact, he’s reached out, and I don’t know how to feel or what to do because the situation is so complicated. Would appreciate some outside perspectives on it.

Dating : After one month of no contact, he’s reached out, and I don’t know how to feel or what to do because the situation is so complicated. Would appreciate some outside perspectives on it.


I met this guy at the beginning of the year and we became really close. It never went further than “friends” physically, although the emotional connection was very intense and we talked very very intimately. We hung about about 6 times. The reason we never took things further was because he had started seeing someone just before we met. Eventually it got to a point where we both had strong feelings for each other, and about 4 months in he said to me “if the timing had been different then we would be together”. We agreed we shouldn’t talk anymore because it was too hard with him still seeing someone, and felt disrespectful.

So anyway I maintained no contact for about a month and was really starting to get over the whole thing, despite how intense things were between us. But a couple of days ago he sent me a message after seeing a photo I posted saying he’d been in that exact place that same day. Then the conversation went on to him asking me how things are going. The conversation eventually ended with him saying “Bye for now”. Now I feel like I’m right back at square one with trying to get over him and it honestly sucks. I’ve never felt a connection like what we had and it’s hard to let that go, even moreso when he does this. I’ve been on a few dates and they all just bring me back to thinking about him.

My question is; why, if he is “seeing someone else” does he continue talking to me? Saying things like it’s “hard to find such a good connection” (like ours) and that those should be “held onto wherever possible”. I think about us a lot and what could’ve been/what could be and I wonder if he’s doing the same. But I know that if he wanted to be with me, he would be with me.

What do you think?

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  1. he knows he made difference. thats why it is easy for him to use you as a backup. he knows. do not proceed anywhere with him, no dates (remember: he knows) or anything before you get to read – with no uncertain terms, where you stand.

  2. I was/am in the same exact position. You have to look out for yourself and stay no contact. You can’t give him the best parts of you whilst he is sleeping with someone else and in another relationship.

    It’s hard. I had to distance myself and stay strong.

  3. Reading this, if i understand correctly you guys arent talking anymore, so i’d say try to say whats on your mind, talk first for few days, try to remember your convos and see where you stand. If its going to be just friendship or maybe something more. I think if you drag this longer, you’d just get more and more « hurt », you’ll just constantly think about it.

  4. One does not go looking for dinner by digging through the dumpster behind one’s house.

    Either ask him on an actual date, or if he’s dating someone else, block contact with him.

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