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Dating : Am I A Jerk For Not Wanting To Date Someone Who Has Mental Health Issues?

Dating : Am I A Jerk For Not Wanting To Date Someone Who Has Mental Health Issues?


Long story short, I sometimes to have people attached to me who are suffering from depression cause I’m a good listener. Some have developed feelings over time and accused me of playing with their emotions when all I was doing was listening and responding to them and asking thoughtful questions, like I would anyone.

I know how hard it is to suffer from depression, that’s why I respond, because I know exactly what it’s like to be completely alone and have no one help you when you’re struggling. It’s been a lifelong battle for me personally. It’s because of that reason that I don’t want to date anyone who has depression. I’m 100% okay with anxiety, I have it, I know what it’s like. But I don’t feel comfortable knowing that I could be responsible for how someone is feeling or always having to rescue them from the ledge.

I was in one relationship like that a long time ago when I was younger and it messed me up real good. Whenever I’d try to leave her, she’d threaten to kill herself. And then finally, I was free – ironically she broke up with me after months of me trying to do the same (she’s tried to repeatedly contact me, but I’ve ignored her/pretended not to see it)

I told myself that never again, would I date someone who struggles with depression. Maybe I’m being too harsh, since I have it and will always fight it.

When my partner had it in the past, it was always her first and me last regardless on how I personally was feeling / fighting with on that day.

TLDR: I don’t want to date someone who has equal depression to me because that would mean me not being able to work on myself and prevent myself becoming even more depressed.

So.. thoughts?

What do you think?

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  1. I don’t think you are. It makes sense- I’ve had too many where it can cause issues (I have moderate depression and anxiety ), even more so when they have the same issues. It’s hard to be you or get the care you need, you get mentally strained and it can actually worsen it, because you can’t care for you. Youre always caring for them. But at the same rate, understand, unless someone is willing to care for you (don’t depend on them) they won’t date you either. Best to work out as best you can your own issues first then see from there.

    Just my .02.

  2. As someone who is bipolar, I completely understand. I’m pretty up front about my mental health issues and make it clear that it’s completely okay if they don’t want to deal with it, but please tell me now. Most guys are like “oh I can handle it”. No, they cannot. I just started talking to someone and whenever we meet in person I plan on letting him know.

    On the other side, I dated someone who had worse mental health issues than I do. It was a very bad combination. I wouldn’t date anyone with depression or issues like mine either. It’s toxic for both people to have issues.

  3. Definitely not. In a relationship, there will be times when one person is struggling and the other person will have to be the support system, which can mean being positive or taking care of the other. If both are always in need of support, it just becomes unhealthy and negative.

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