Dating : Am I overreacting or should I walk?
Hi everyone! I (28F) have been dating someone (34M) for about 3 weeks. Dates have been pretty good, and we have had sex twice at his place. Communication flows easily and freely. He seems to be candid about lots of things, and keeps sort of closed off about past relationships and relationships in general. He seems like a good guy and there’s definitely compatibility. Sex is maybe too good…it may be the only thing he’s reached out to me over (to come to his house)
Dates at his house are better than ones in public, as he seems to not be fully himself in public for whatever reason.
Anyway, he’s never been a great texter and really doesn’t text me that much to check in. He will sometimes even ignore my texts, though that it rare. It’s more like he won’t answer for 24 hours or something. Which gives me major anxiety. I figured, it’s too early to really nag on him about it, so I just let it go, until the other day when I invited him over my aunts house for drinks. He didn’t respond, and I called him out and checked with where he’s at. He said he was hesitating because he isn’t sure he wants to be in a relationship right now. He asked me if a relationship is what I want to jump into. I had to say that yes that was the eventual goal but he didn’t have to commit tomorrow. I think inviting him to my aunts house freaked him out and that’s understandable.
He said he could eventually see it going there (a relationship) after a bit of me prodding, but I’m not super convinced. I told him he has to plan the next date (just tell Me where and when) and that we should refrain from going to each other’s houses.
I’m just wondering if I should keep wasting my time with him when communicative effort seems very minimal. Yes, it’s early stages but if a guy is excited about you shouldn’t he be a little more enthused about communications and planning dates, and seeing me even? Not texting back within a few hours seems unreasonable. It’s possible I am overreacting and asking too much of him on the onset, but I just can’t shake this.
It seems like you are definitely wanting to move faster than him. I say back way off. You shouldn’t have to convince someone to be interested in you. Doesn’t mean he’s a shitty person or you should be mad or anything, just seems like you guys aren’t on the same page or pace.
No offence I could be in love with someone &
not wanna go to family gatherings! It’s pressure when u’ve only just started seeing each other.
He sounds quite a decent guy tbh.
He just doesn’t seem ready. I’d give it more time before walking. Another 2-3 weeks.
In the end it is up to you. You clearly want more intimacy than him. With that said, I never panic over 24 hours of no response. My GF takes days sometimes to get back to me, lol. The normal is a few hours. But we have talked about it and she gets depressed from time to time and unplugs for a few days.
The girl I’m seeing is exactly the same, and it has been 5 months. She takes at least a day to reply to messages. But then for five months I’ve seen her fairly consistently, I like spending time with her, the sex is good, and importantly, when I’m with her she doesn’t spend a lot of time on her phone. If she did then maybe I would be concerned, but some people just aren’t massive on being on their phone. A few years ago it would have bothered me but I’ve learnt to be more secure within myself, it would be cutting my nose of to spite my face to kick off about it or leave because I like what we have.
He’s 34, not 19, he probably just doesn’t spend all day glued to his phone, he’s probably busy. It saves more for you to talk about in person. It allows you both space which is also important in a relationship. Remember divorce rates have gone up as mobile phones and social media became more prevalent not the other way around. Regardless of what you decide to do, the issue is yours not his. It’s very very early days, why don’t you chill your bean and see where things go in the next month or two? Then maybe you could ask if he could check in with you a bit more as it would make you feel a bit better.
Move on. Seriously. Move on. Mixed signals mean no. If he was really into you, he wouldn’t be hesitating. You’re not it. Move on.
You have different levels of communication requirements, and he’s only reaching out to you for one thing. Interested people are interested in more than just sex with you. It sounds like he’s just waiting for someone better to come along before deciding you’re not the right one, but he’ll have sex with you while he waits for her.
Is he uncomfortable out in public or just more relaxed at home?
I have a similar situation with a girl I’m seeing, and it’s been 5 months. It takes her a minimum of a day to reply to a message. But do you know what? When we are together it’s great, and that has been happening consistently the whole time. So is it worth ruining over a few “how’s your day been” texts? Nah.
He’s 34, he probably isn’t glued to his phone like someone in their early 20’s would be. And it’s been 3 weeks. Whatever you decide to do, it’s your issue not his. If he’s been consistent with plans and you enjoy his company I don’t see the problem.