Dating : Am I wrong in asking for confirmation?
I had been messaging a girl I met on a dating app since Monday of last week, but her messages back had always been pretty infrequent. Once a day at most. I knew that we played some of the same online games, so I had been at least trying to get her to play with me online and voice chat, just to know that I wasn’t just getting trolled by some dude or something. I know some people are hesitant to meet in person at first, so I thought this was a good compromise. The first time I asked, she said she was busy that night and could maybe make it work the next day. But she never mentioned it again. So we continued chatting and I asked her maybe 2-3 days later if there was a time we could chat. She ignored this message and only responded to a message I sent after that.
At this point, I confess that I started to get worried that someone was just messing with me. A few more days passed and she mentioned today that she had been too busy to play a new game that came out. I messaged her this:
« Does that mean you don’t have time to voice chat with me? I respect that you’re busy, but I would at least like some evidence that I’m not just getting trolled here. I hope you understand. I’m not trying to rush you into anything. But I also don’t want to spend time worrying about someone whose existence I can’t even confirm. »
This may have been too harsh, but I at least tried to convey that I understood if she couldn’t make time right now. Anyway, she immediately blew up at me and told me to gtfo out of her life. She said that she couldn’t be with someone who cant be understanding and supportive of someone prioritizing their career.
I then said I didn’t mean any offense and that I was just trying to be open about my concerns. That I would’ve been fine with just a picture of her or something. So of course, she sent me a picture of herself flipping me off. I guess I got my confirmation.
Was I completely out of line for asking? What do you do when people seem hesitant to talk with you or meet up?
You’re not out of line in my opinion. I got catfished on a dating app just the other day. I was literally minutes from walking out the door to meet her when I got a strange suspicion and asked for some verification and « she » got belligerent. There is no telling what I was about to walk into. Just move on.
You weren’t out of line. It doesn’t sound like this is the girl for you. She will come along, stay strong and keep being yourself.
You definitely didnt cross any lines.
I’m sorry to say but she doesnt seem interested and you dodged a bullet. Shes already blowing up at you. Imagine if you were actually dating and you did something she didnt like. No thanks, you seem like a sweet guy and you deserve better.
If I meet someone I really like I’ll text them periodically throughout the day. For people I’m less interested in, I’m guilty when it comes to only messaging once or twice a day.
That being said, I usually expect the guy from Tinder to ask me out within a few days after we move off the app or else I’ll come to the conclusion that he isnt interested or has someone else they’re focusing on. Just a heads up on that.
Good riddance. You dodged a crazy one that would have drained your energy.
Nothing wrong with asking for just a little more after several days. You got the answer you needed.
I agree with another poster though. You probably wasted time when she was showing disinterest. Need to just be confident in what you are looking for and will settle for and know when it isnt it and move on.
Good luck.
She intentionally sabotaged this and wasn’t actually interested. You think she’d pull that shit with a rich handsome movie star? There’s your answer. Preemptive anger is a mindfuck for the other person and it’s not worth another moment of your energy.
I’ve been doing this online dating thing for a minute now and I’ve yet to match with a single bot or troll (though I’ve seen several while swiping, just swipe left on that shit).
I think your assumption that she’s a troll speaks to your self-confidence: you question whether a real person would really spend time talking to you. That sentiment is unhealthy for you and unattractive to potential partners. So the lesson here is to work on combating that unhealthy thought process.
The reality of what happened here is much simpler. She liked your profile enough to match and she likes your messages enough to answer them sometimes but she doesn’t like you overall enough to do more. The lesson here is that when you get that kind of muted interest, either try messaging her differently or move on.
As for her. Her response means shes bitchy and/or immature. Bullet dodged.
She just wasn’t interested in you. Plain and simple. Don’t expect women to be direct like a man would be,…it just ain’t gonna happen.
If someone wants to spend time with you they will make the time, they will be excited about it, and look forward to it. Your response showed you were a bit butt hurt over it, but the frustration is understandable. Just learn to spot this behavor sooner so that you don’t get as invested in the situation and can walk away sooner.
Many people complain about the « game »,…other decide to just learn to play the game to win, or at least « not lose »,…be the second type.
Thank you for the responses, everyone! I’m just gonna try to not let this get me down. Gotta keep chugging along. 🙂
me personally I think it was too much…. cuz she s not that invested… if they not invested they won’t give a fuck what you do or say… keep chuggin
Nah. Tbh you dodged a bullet. Either your gut feeling was right and you were indeed about to be catfished or that girl has some issues. I see nothing wrong in someone being worried about that and wanting some kind of confirmation that the other person is actually who they’re claiming to be.
You were out of line in assuming she needs to prove she’s a girl to you. Who cares if she was a dude trolling , you should’ve asked her out in person not creepy voice chat to confirm she’s not a guy. Hell if you asked her out and she was a dude that would’ve been a hilerious story to bring onto your next date. Her reaction was offputting but your tentativeness killed any hope you had in the first place.