Dating : Are women’s standards in men realistic?
I understand everyone wants to find a perfect partner, but long term relationships aren’t instantly made, and people can’t really change themselves on a dime. I feel relationships are built, and people change with the love for their partner. But it seems in the OLD world that Mr. Perfect is expected off the bat by all women, and I just don’t feel like it’s realistic. Maybe it’s just OLD, idk. Judgements get made before people meet eachother, yet they’ve never really gotten to know each other, if that makes sense.
I’m not angry about it, I get it. But for all of the single women out there not willing to change themselves, there are guys out there willing to sacrifice some of themselves to better fit what women want, and its still not enough. I know alot of men are dogs, but the ones who aren’t seems dismissed before they get a chance. I see it on this platform, witnessed it firsthand in some of my experiences, and see it all over social media. What drives this mindset? Do you women even realize you’re doing it?
People, keep an open mind when dating. They may seem one way texting you, but be completely different in person, and even more different once you get to know them.
I’m not angry or upset, just curious from a spectators point of view. . I’m not insecure, I’m able to land dates, and I’m a pretty happy guy, who is perfectly fine being alone, with some bouts of loneliness here and there that I can get over. But globally, alot of men are deciding not to date anymore. Alot of good men who have been turned down for something arbitrary. It’s becoming a toxic dating world, and changing how men act towards women, giving us more players and assholes who just want to get lucky, and leave. Am I wrong? If so, why do so many men feel this way?
Edit: Thank you all for some awesome answers and interesting discussion! You have honestly given me a bit more perspective on it!
Edit 2: I feel a bit more enlightened, thank you. But I must say alot of men do think this, and it can end up really damaging them. I’ve gained some new perspective, but hopefully some people can also gain a bit more perspective from this. It really is a growing problem for men, and men certainly aren’t guilt-free either, I know. Men are dogs, and it’s a good thing women are getting the upper-hand in dating nowadays. I just hope we can all be a bit more open-minded, men and women alike. Good luck to all the singles out there, I hope you find what you’re looking for!
Do people here even go outside? There men of all heights and sizes in relationships. I doubt that all of those men are in very high paying jobs.
It’s easy to convince yourself that the people who you want all conform to an impossible standard so that you personally can justify not making an effort or improving yourself.
Thanks for the reward!
The dating game has changed with the OLD world because there is 1) less women in the world to begin with 2) significantly less women on OLD then there are men. These are two big reasons.
So that means that by default, women are high in demand but the amount available is scarce, and there is a surplus of men.
This naturally gives us tons of options, and especially if the woman is attractive and has access to tons of suitors they’re going to choose the best of the best, leaving some of the nice average guys dateless.
That’s just how the game works, and as a woman I can’t relate but I imagine it sucks.
That being said, no our standards aren’t too high. They’re working just fine for us.
What standards specifically do you find unrealistic? I think most people’s standards are pretty realistic and basic, have a job, be nice, etc. After that, it’s compatibility. Even if you meet someone’s standards, you guys still have to mesh well as people.
Realistic or unrealistic. High or low effort… Doesn’t matter and it’s hard to say.
I’ll tell you just this, as a rule of thumb. People with more options get to be more picky, you’re in a privileged position there. Same with taking the initiative, if society doesn’t expect you to, you can afford to sit back and choose from those who initiate. And that’s likely where we get this feeling from.
The trick in my opinion is to put yourself in a position of Having more options, attracting more people. Not too many, not too few. That’ll give you a more balanced and fulfilling dating experience.
There are a ton of men on apps who are in terrible shape but only want to date hot women!!!!!
the problem with online dating and dating in general is that everyone want their ideal, but unfortunately we don’t live in an ideal world, I wish I had a lamb and a mansion, but I don’t.
Women do seek the best possible partner, it’s just natural to them and it makes sense. They want the taller, best looking attractive male because it shows signals of high T, healthy bone structure, and high chance of their offspring being healthy.
I think both genders in general could do more to appeal to the opposite gender.
I also think women AND men tend to chase the top tier people. For example, guys always think I’m lying when I say the « average » woman in the US is 5’3 and 170lbs. When guys think of « average, » that’s not what they’re thinking of. They’re seeing porn and IG models all day and thinking a step below that is average. It’s not.
If you’re a woman who’s fit and has a reasonably pretty face, you’re statistically hotter than 70% of the US. Same if you’re a super ripped guy who doesn’t have a troll face and can take good online photos.
There’s also like 8 guys to every 1 woman on apps. Not to mention women in general aren’t into casual sex as much as men, so they’re less likely to play the numbers.
Last thing is, women’s attraction is often different than mens. Women aren’t aroused by still images in the way men are as frequently. Women need to feel things to want to invest, which is why in person will always be the best way to meet women.
Guys think only the super hot, rich guys get women. No. The guys who get the most women tend to have a bigger social circle, are more extroverted, and make moves in person. Online dating is a waste of time for most men because it encourages women to be more selective.
I mean it depends. I think in general more women have unrealistic expectations than men but I also think a lot more women would go for a guy that isn’t conventionally attractive than a guy would with women.
Hell no
I hear more complaints about how they want an honest sensitive man
Then they destroy him bc it’s so rare they don’t trust it
If you never meet the person, how do you tell? They could be completely different when you meet them rather than texting back and forth
I never said anyone did, I was just giving you an example. To me, your reasoning is slightly shallow. Obviously for you, a person’s grammar is extremely important, and I get that, that’s cool if it’s your prerogative. I’m really not trying to bash women at all, you guys can have whatever standards you’d like. I simply tried to pose a question from a certain perspective, and since, it has vastly opened up. This has been a fun argument