Dating : Being pushed by *everyone* into something I’m not sure about
The backstory: The only serious relationship I’ve had was with this girl a few years ago. It was in high school and we were in that young love thing for a good three months until she had to go abroad to France. Flashforward to four years later and we’ve been talking now and then and even hanging out when I’m in the area (I moved to the US west coast from the east coast). I like us being cool and friendly now, and being able to move forward like that. She came to my mum’s birthday party (per my mum’s request) the other day and she and my mum wanted her to be introduced as my girlfriend. I thought it would be okay to try, so I tried to do the same. We cuddled and kissed and held hands that night (got a little frisky but no sex).
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The issue: I like her, really, but it just feels like a serious relationship where she is introduced as my girlfriend and goes to family events and on vacations (she’s going to my mum’s home country with us) is just so much right now. We live on opposite sides of the country, and I’m exploring my own thing with different girls and sometimes boys and gender expression and spirituality and I’m sometimes struggling with my mental health and there’s just so much going on that I didn’t expect a *whole person* to be welded into my life’s mainframe so suddenly. It’s stressful and it feels like my mum really doesn’t care about my doubts (she can get kind of carried away with arranged marriage-type stuff).
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A bit about me i guess: I’m a weird person, and I don’t really get that attached to people. It’s really easy for me to say goodbye, and I don’t really tend to miss them. I liked her a lot but I think her feelings are a lot closer to « I need you » than mine are. I feel horrible because I feel like I’m leading her on when I tell her I miss her (I rarely say this to anyone. Not my mum or sisters or best friends, though I’ve been trying to more). I’ve moved on somewhat and have been pursuing other people, though sometimes it does feel like what we had is the only thing that works for me. I’m also kind of solitary, and I like being independent, though having a partner is something I would like someday.
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my solution: talk to her, and basically tell her what i’ve written here. hope she understands. she likely will, she cool like that.
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tl;dr: my family really likes an old flame of mine and they + old flame wants us to get serious but i’m really, really, *really* not ready. my plan is to tell her, but i’m ranting to reddit about it first. Thanks for reading!
If this was the right thing for you, you would not be feeling this way about her being your girlfriend again. This is clearly not what you want and you should be upfront with her and your family about it. Good luck!