Dating : I hate how inexperienced I am
I’m a 31 year old guy with very little dating experience and have never been in a relationship longer than 3 months. I never even tried to date in my twenties because of a porn addiction. Ive been working on cutting that habit completely out of my life, but I’ve realized that I need to have a healthy sex life and start getting out and dating at some point or I’m going to go crazy. There comes the problem though…
I’m so inexperienced that I can count the number of times I’ve had sex on two hands in the past ten years, it’s fucking pathetic. Outside a few shitty Tinder lays from the past year, I’m constantly ghosted, stood up, told there’s no chemistry, ignored, and everything else under the sun that leads me to feel I’m undesirable.
People just tell me “oh! Just go on lots of dates and get experience!” Like it’s fucking easy to even get a date! I’ve tried Tinder and I’m lucky if I can even get a couple dates a month. I’ve tried Bumble but it seems dead as fuck on there. I’ve gone so long without a relationship and feeling wanted and loved that I just cling to going all in on any date I can get and wanting it to work so I can quit this stressful aspect of life and have someone to be with. I’m aware this is probably my off putting to women but what’s the alternative? Acting like a boring uninterested sap on dates who doesn’t care? I can’t just have an abundance mentality when I can barely get a date, let alone even a match.
And then of course there’s the case that I’ve gone basically my entire life without a relationship. I’m very aware that women don’t want a guy with little to no sexual experience or how to act in a relationship at my age. But at the same time, it’s not like I can just go for younger women who are more likely to not have as much experience either, as most women these days in their early twenties and even late teens have been in some kind of relationship and has more experience than me. I can’t just act aloof and like I know what I’m doing when in reality, I don’t, and I’m constantly worried that I’m going to get ghosted.
Most of all though, I’m just sick and tired of being so sexually frustrated and not having a consistent sex life. I never last long at all the few times I do get laid because I have no practice, because I have no one to have sex with on a consistent basis, because I can’t last long so I’m ghosted after the first time I have sex with anyone. It’s a giant catch 22 that I can’t get out of.
That’s definitely true that looks get you in the door, but also remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I’m totally old fashioned so I like to look at the character of a man before I consider going on a date with him.
Since I’m old fashioned, character and kindness will definitely change my opinion of a man’s attractiveness. I have seen handsome men treat people terribly, and all of a sudden, I can only see them for their ugly nature.
The same is true if a man is kind, caring and funny.
I can’t speak to where all these other women are, but I kinda doubt that they are on Tinder.
I personally prefer to volunteer and do good things around my community (from time to time), rather than subject myself to torturous “Hey Gorgeous” messages from a stranger.
Thats awesome! I wish you the best with it! Just be careful to take time to get to know someone before you rush things. (Thats my advice, you can take it or leave it haha)
I think your attitude is all wrong. You are looking to collect notches on a bed post, instead of experience intimacy with a person. Humans are not disposable, and its a horrid shame that modern dating culture promotes the idea that its acceptable to dump someone when you are done with them, like they are yesterdays trash. Im sure that you will really dislike what I am saying to you, and Im sorry about that. However, you should learn to think about dating in terms of quality and NOT quantity.
[How To Be Sexual Like The Fool](https://youtu.be/aBCfh01F7r8)
Think this will help
So I’m in a very similar place to you. You’ve really got to just not let it get to you and stop worrying about how much more experience your dates might have. It’s pretty rare for that subject of conversation to come up anyway. Don’t reject yourself for something you don’t know if they’ll ever care about.
Try to find other things to occupy yourself because if you’re like me you’re probably spending way too much of your time thinking about dating and it just gets you down and makes you feel like shit. Keep the dating apps to a minimum or restrict how much time you allow yourself to spend on them in a given week/day.
My apologies for misunderstanding what you were saying.
I don’t think that all women feel that way. There are a lot of women who would be happy to have a relationship with a guy who is loyal and loving. And if he is willing to learn and improve in sexual matters, thats even better. A lot of women feel that dating these days is horrible and they feel like guys they hook up with treat them terribly.
You gotta stop focusing on sex as if it is the primary driver to mating. Aim to be a normal human being first and everything else will fall into place.
I am right there with you (just 25 but same problem). Imo when i tried to force the issue, i get ghosted or declined. When i just tried to have fun going out, hanging out, moments and paths would open up that you can take and have success with women. I always, no rephrase, i ONLY had success with women i knew already or met before and had interactions with. Not once did i use tinder and not once did i walk up to a girl in a bar and stated some talk with her to get in her pants. I always felt 2 ways when i knew a woman had interest in a club. 1. I am scared/shy doing it, probably because i dont want to be rejected like in the past. 2. It feels wrong. People in clubs are looking for love. I dont know, i think love happens and cant be forced. The fact that intentionally asking women out ended with no success just proves me over time, it’s not the right way to go. SO to end this mess. Yes i have absolutley no fucking idea how to get a woman these days. They cry all day long not finding a mate but when you ask them out they reject you. Honestly i think because the DATE is so obvious at hand they just get scared because they obviously now know you into her and if she doesnt feel the same right of the bat, she runs.