Dating : Being used as a free meal by a woman, should guys ever pay for a first date?

Dating : Being used as a free meal by a woman, should guys ever pay for a first date?

I went on a date with a woman who was a friend of mine(we’re not close but we’ve known each other since elementary school). I set up a date at a restaurant(five guys, nothing fancy) and then we went to see a movie afterwards. She told me that she « forgot » her wallet at home so I covered for her for both her meal and movie ticket. The date overall went really well and I thought we hit it off so I sent her a text trying to set up a second date, but she didn’t respond.

A few days later I sent another text, she didn’t respond. A few days after that I sent another text, she finally responds she tells me that she sees me as a « friend », she tells me she has a boyfriend, she tells me we didn’t actually go on a date we were just « hanging out »(even though I told her multiple times beforehand I was interested in her and she never told me about her « boyfriend »), and that we could keep « hanging out » if I wanted. I haven’t texted her since. This whole experience made me question whether guys should ever pay for a first date(or even a second date, third, etc).

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What do you think?

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  1. Lesson learned, this happens…

    I usually go for coffee as a first « date. » Which for two is typically $8-$10 with tip and no more than an hour together. Grab some coffee, take a walk and enjoy the scene.

    Little time or money are invested; regardless of the outcome.

  2. Unfortunately, at least in my experience, if I don’t pay for the first date, I never hear from the woman again. They see it as being rude and non-courtesy like. So like others mentioned, I just go on coffee dates now. So much easier, and cheaper!

  3. First date should always be cheap, drinks if possible.


    If you have to go to some restaurant, eat before you go. That way you’re likely to order something small, I’ve never seen a woman order something bigger than me whenever I do this.


    Frankly you should be going dutch. Women be out here talking about how they’re strong and independent now so let them pay their fair share.

  4. This is why I think you should get to know someone a bit before going on a date. I won’t go on a date with someone before talking/texting at least a week or 2. If you don’t want to invest that time in it then I know you aren’t wanting anything more than a dinner/hookup.

  5. sorry to hear this. this long-time friend/acquaintance scammed you, and it’s unfortunate, but basically don’t ever contact her again.

    you could also use those money-paying apps and say something like « ok since we were just hanging out, i’ll make a request for your part of the activities ».

    you don’t actually expect to get it but it’s a way to let her know you’re not happy with getting screwed over. she’ll probably block you at that point, but that’s ok, because you already know you won’t want to be talking to her anymore.

  6. If this is a concern, you either cannot afford to date and need to focus on your career/income, or you need to screen women to make sure they have a good job first so you know she isn’t using you. Or you need to be friends first.

  7. I always offer to pay my own way on dates but I also love when guys pay for the first date, difference is I never expect it. It just shows a lot that they’d offer, it’s very telling when they ask you out and pay for your meal.

    with that said now all Im hearing about how all of us women are using guys for free meals which is a huge generalization, so guys don’t pay if you don’t want to, split everything if it’s such a huge issue. Take girls out for coffee, anything that will solve this issue that’s such a burden. Men if you ask this woman out it’s courteous but if you do pay and they don’t pony up or offer for the next date you certainly don’t have to put up with it. In your case, that girl was terrible and used you and that’s not someone you should have to deal with good thing you found out sooner than later.

  8. Everyone here is focusing on the paying factor. It’s got nothing to do with paying it’s how you followed up. You tried to set up a second date to know response then kept pestering her about it. You came off needy and annoying so she friend zoned you. You need to let them come to you to see how they are feeling not be like hey where is my attention I paid for you. Guy should always pay for the first date cuz why the fuck not, it’s old style but especially if it’s some shitty place like 5 guys that’s litteraly nothing. People need to focus less on who’s paying what and how they come off to other people. Some girls take advantage of free meals sure but they are pretty rare and maybe if you test them a bit instead of chasing you’d call it quick and only lose out on like 40 bucks or w/e.

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