Dating : Can you date someone even if you have depression?
Hey,
I’ve been single for about 3 going on 4 years. My last relationship broke me and left me with some pretty bad depression. I was wondering if anyone has found any luck on dating with depression or have found ways to improve themselves.
Thanks
With incredible amount of luck, that’s a big yes!
Speaking from my experience
I don’t think you can have a relationship with someone else when your relationship with yourself is fundamentally unsound. I don’t believe you can love someone else when you don’t even love yourself. Not the way they deserve to be loved, and not the way you would want to love them.
As someone who suffered/is suffering from depression I’d say no you can’t. I (M/22 btw) was in a depressive state last year and got into my very first relationship ever, at first I did anything I could to satisfy the girl and neglected myself even more than I did before. I always thought that I had to do everything to keep that relationship alive because I thought I’d never find someone else. I was wrong though, I luckily broke up after 3 months and thinking back to it I’m just like « Why the heck did I ever let this relationship happen? ». I never fully fell in love with the girl but when I was with her I thought I did. It was just an awful time thinking back to it.
I recently went to a clinic for a few weeks because my depression got worse. I’m out for about 3 weeks, feeling ready to finally start my life. I started going to the gym, taking care of things in my life and I’m just feeling great at the moment. I now also actually feel ready to have a relationship.
If you are lucky and find someone even during your depressive state, just ALWAYS REMEMBER, take care of yourself first, don’t neglect yourself. And if your counterpart makes you do anything like that, remember that there are other girls/women out there and that maybe right now is just not the time for you.
In the end, eventhough I always hated this phrase, it is just true that « Before you can love someone else, you have to love yourself. »
If you’re a woman yeah, tons of women are depressed, bipolar, personality disordered. But if you’re a guy you’ll have to mask it extremely well and lie or you’re never gonna date her. If a woman has those things she’s only “human” but if you have them as a man you’re worthless, insecure, and a bunch of other things.
Short answer: no.
Long answer: depression is not something that is going to facilitate getting people interested in you. You’re actually an easy target for those that might want to either use you for their own means (like one night stands) or try to get you into something you don’t really want (I assume you are looking for someone you can trust, talk to, feel love towards and feel that love back from them,…).
The stigma about depression is that people tend to see depressed people as emotionally unstable, constantly unhappy, and people might think that you actually don’t really have feelings for them and that you simply want them around so that you don’t feel lonely anymore.
It’s not impossible though, it’s just extremely hard…