Dating : Cheated on and left now I’m stuck
So my ex-girlfriend cheated on me and dumped me for someone else and it completely ruined me. Its been a year and I’m still struggling she was my dream women in most respects. This is stupid but the night before she left me I had a dream that we would be together till old age. Since then I’ve just had a lot of rejections and first dates that go nowhere. I can feel myself giving up since I feel like she was the one. I’m in my 30s and in my eyes I don’t feel like I’m attractive or bring much to to table. I feel like I have no chance compared to other men with women. On top of that I feel like all the good ones are taken at this point in life.
I guess what iam really asking is how do I not go deeper into depression from all of this and the absolute horrible outlook on my future?
I’m in this exact same place, have tried dating apps for the last month but i’m not attractive enough for it to work, I have no idea on how you can get out of this but I wish you good luck and all the best !
Dude I was there a year and a half ago. Still say I’m depressed but a little less everyday. What not to do is turn to substances to curb the depression (alcohol, drugs, sex, food addiction). Alcohol was my poison of choice. Suffering from alcohol addiction punishing myself for the bad things someone else did to me. Do seek the old things that made you happy, family and friends. Start new hobbies anything natural that brings joy and sparks a fire in you. I grew up collecting cards so I started playing the games I used to and found out my friends used to also so got involved in a bunch of game groups.
It’s not easy at all, to say it is a dirty lie. Being cheated by someone you thought loved you is one of the hardest things to go through. Always down for a chat in the DM if you need it sucks and is nice to have someone to talk to
Imma break it down barney style
Get some male friends, find a tribe
Go to the gym
Read some self help books (I have a few I recommend so dm me)
The best revenge you can take out on her is to love yourself.
She ripped your heart out and stomped on it. She’s trash and you should be thankful in a way to not have her in your life. I went through the same thing. If her man leaves her, sheigur come running back to you. Don’t let that happen. Live your life for you. Become a better man and she will regret leaving you.
Okay so firstly – don’t get hung up on age or “the good ones being taken”. I’m dating in my 40s and don’t see that at all. Also – many people divorce at all stages in life. You will find someone decent. Don’t worry.
What you need to focus on is healing and if it’s been a while since you were cheated on and you’re not over it, it might be time to get some professional help. You obviously can’t do it on your own and you need to heal.
Go and talk to someone.
Take care of yourself. Not a platitude–I mean, like… how do I put this.
« Responsibility-sona »?
She ain’t gonna be there no mo’. And you’ve been shattered and left to pick up the pieces at a time in your life where you thought you’d be set. I should know, I’ve been there.
At a certain point I realized, the only person gonna be there for me through and through is ME. But, thing is, I didn’t feel like taking care of myself, I didn’t think I’d have chances with anyone, the dating world sucks and the people who populate it now are gonna think there’s something *wrong* with me like « hey, this guy’s still single in his 30s, I wonder how he’s fucked up to still be that way ».
Sure. A lot of people in the dating realm at this point definitely have a reason for why they’re still single. But you, and I? There’s nothing wrong with us. You’re single because you got cheated on. It’s not a « you »-problem, it’s a « her » problem–SHE was the one with commitment and ethical/principle problems.
This will be the foundational mindset you need to return to whenever you start feeling shitty.
And when you do feel the need to go back to that foundation, do something for yourself. Something you feel like doing, or haven’t done in a while. Go eat/drink something you crave as a reward, go hang out with a friend, maybe purchase a replacement to something you’ve been meaning to replace for a while (for me it was a phone).
Definitely do the « friend » thing a lot, too. Find someone (friend or family) to kvetch and complain to, but don’t overload them, y’know? Try to take care of them, for how much they provide for you–buy them a dinner, take them out for some kind of outing, get a present for them, whatever.
It helps to focus on taking care of someone other than yourself, even if « other than yourself » happens to also *be* yourself. Weird, but sometimes true–which is also why I said « friend/family » because sometimes that little trick doesn’t work.
Good luck out there OP. May the odds be ever in our favor.
For sure the right person for you is coming!! Must be why that happened. :))
Do not worry about other guys with women. Be the best you and do not blame yourself for her actions. Better yourself and learn to love yourself again. Strive to improve from the you that you feel today.
Women cheat. You’re either the man they cheat on or the man they cheat with.
So. I am 55. I had a child and a mortgage. My husband cheated on me. For 23 years. I didn’t know. He pretended to be supportive and loving and led a double life. No idea why.
What I will tell you is that no one gets to change who you are and no one gets to treat you like that. You are enough. You are so much enough. She is the one who is lacking.
Find a new hobby. Re-find an old one. Enjoy life
Hit the gym.
Train at home if you must!
Read books and go your own way
I’m not sure what to say but I’m in a similar situation and it sucks. Big difference is I married the guy, had a kid with him, and dropped my career to work with him at his startup because we were in this together right? … all to find out that he’s been cheating on me for months and refuses to leave his affair partner. All this after being soulmates…for the past 10 years.
I haven’t started dating yet (I don’t want to do that until we’re totally divorced) and I feel like the market for someone like me isn’t great (late 20s divorcee single mom), but I tell myself a few things that help.
I may not be in the best place in my life, but I am still smart, funny, caring, and I clean up nice lol. Nothing my husband did will ever change that. These past few months have been the toughest in my life, but I’ve felt so much better after focusing on myself. I’ve started to change my wardrobe, taken up a hobby, and I’m in a program to change careers.
All of this stuff has helped me rebuild my self-esteem and see myself in a more positive light. If I do date again, I think that will make me more attractive to potential partners. You sound like you’re down on yourself, try to find some things that you enjoy and you might even meet women through it, not that that’s the point.
You have to value yourself, or else no one else will.
Similar thing happened to me two years ago. I was cheated on and left for someone else. I was messed up for a long time and felt as though I would never find anyone else, that I wasn’t worthy of a relationship. I dated a lot and nothing seemed to click with anyone I dated, nothing lasted longer than a few months at most and I was never really that into anyone I dated beyond physically. It was a depressing and miserable time but slowly it got better, I learned that it really wasn’t my fault. Sure I made mistakes and could’ve been better or done things differently but in the end she was not a good person and I am glad she is no longer in my life. I’m in my late 20s so I am a bit younger than you but not much. The one thing that helped me the most was realizing that this is not the person for you. Anyone who disregards you and tosses you aside so easily is not worth feeling like shit over. Theres too many things to do, places to see and experiences to have and if that person doesn’t want to be a part of that with you then it’s their loss and your gain. Being comfortable with being alone and doing things on your own is the most important thing you can do for yourself I think and it took me a long time to realize this. I cried over this girl for months on end until I realized it was causing me to spiral out of control. I did end up meeting someone new after convincing myself that I was broken and unlovable. The good ones aren’t all taken and I know this because theres plenty of women out there who have gone through the same shit and feel the same way.
Happens a lot, I’ve been cheated on in 5 out of 7 relationships. I suspect it happens much more frequently than people realize, most people’s partners just get away with it though. All I can say is a cheater is a cheater. Nothing about you causes them to do what they do, they are just ok with lying and/or betrayal. You don’t want to be in a relationship with a cheater for many many reasons, be thankful she’s out of your life.
Getting over someone you loved so much is hard. On a certain level you never get over it. I assure you all the good ones are not taken and you are attractive to many women out there you just have to find them. Dating in your 30s is rough, especially as a man. You get rejected constantly and the women who do give you attention in most cases are either trying to take advantage of you or they’re insane (I’ve dealt with both lol).
It’s totally ok to take a break from dating to focus on yourself. You’re a strong independent man who doesn’t need a woman. The more you believe that the more successful you will be at dating -eventually-. The most whole and most confident single men still get rejected by a lot of women.
You need to grieve over this loss. I don’t think you are over it.
Yea man, just keep progressing in life. Do what makes you happy and become a better version of yourself, it kept me preoccupied after the love of my life cheated on me. Every time I found myself slipping into a depressive state I’d call up a friend to hang out, or just do something to keep my mind off away from those thoughts. It’s hard, very hard but I promise a date will stick. I’m unattractive, not too tall, and really have nothing going for me. It takes about a year or year and a half and eventually a date will stick, I’ve been with my new girlfriend for 5 months. It took a while but ya, also going out to bars etc and talking to girls while also being confident is something that might help get you some dates. You got this man, just keep your head held up and you’ll do great!
Don’t fall into this trap you have made for your self first of all women are just people there’s no strategy about talking to them talk like anyone else you’d talk to be goofy or whatever like you’re talking to a bro ,be friends first be happy just go with it. When you want to ask somebody out don’t make it a yes no question say hey why don’t we go get coffee etc. remember ask why don’t we do …… whatever and they’d have to give you an exclamation, rather than yes or no. At your age your confidence should be through the roof. I had a 22 year old girlfriend when I was 48 you can do this man!
I have the same story, friend. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but the truth is she can’t be your dream girl if she doesn’t choose you. Your dream partner will choose you every day.
As for the stuck part, ask one or two stylish friends to go shopping with you and do a wardrobe refresh. I did that two months after the breakup, and while I’m not normally the person to spend hundreds on new clothes, I felt so much better (and the compliments on new jackets, sweaters and shoes did loads for my self confidence).
If you haven’t already, make an exercise plan and stick to it. After a month you’ll be stronger and will feel stronger too.
These steps won’t take the pain away, but they will help you get back on your feet. Stay strong!